I heard a sermon once about sharing secrets. The pastor said: “Be careful who you share your secrets with, because whoever has your secrets has your heart.” It’s true.
I am a fairly open person…especially in print. BUT…there are some things only my husband or my best friend will ever know about me. As I write this I think…there are SOME things only GOD will ever know about me! Why? Because these ‘secrets’ are the truest picture of my heart. They are my passion. They are my desire. They are my deepest thoughts and fears and goals. They make me extremely vulnerable. If I share these things there is a risk to my person and my heart.
I wonder sometimes if people that know me and read this are surprised by what I write. My husband has said a couple of times: “I didn’t know you felt that way” about something I have written. For me, because I am so much more an observer of life…it’s sometimes hard to find words, among people, that can fully explain my heart. It’s MUCH EASIER to do it in print, where written words are my voice.
At first I got a bit “freaked out” when someone I KNEW outside of “blogdom” mentioned something about my words here…now I find it so freeing. It’s like a HUGE circle-journal…where I can write out my heart (as much of it as I want OUT) and if you find it and read it…respond or don’t respond…you know a little bit more about me…today…where I am.
I’m home today…my shoulder is no better (I’ve GOT to clean out my bag of issues)…and I was watching GMA and they had a segment on the book “POST SECRETS” by Frank Warren. It is a compilation of postcards requested by the author. These are anonymous postcards that contain peoples’ secrets. I went to his blog www.postsecret.blogspot.com and read the samples there and at first I was shocked. Some of the postcards/artwork are very graphic and a bit explicit in nature (definitely R-rated at the least). The words…the secrets…are honest sometimes all the way to obscenely honest. They reminded me of something confessed to God in repentance.
I tried to imagine what secret I would ever share among the secrets only God knows…and I’m telling you here and now, what is shared with God…stays with God!
...I wonder what people would say or write if their blog was truly anonymous…would the “blogdom” become full of dark and revealing secrets or would it read much the same?...
The beauty of God’s forgiveness is that it’s only dredged up when I ‘forget’ to LEAVE IT THERE and instead pick it back up and bring it with me…or allow Satan to tuck it back into my bag as I turn to leave the cross. Satan isn’t subtle about it…he screams the secret out as he’s shoving it back into my bag. He reminds me how it now belongs to me and it always will. He reminds me how it defines me. He reminds me how I have some nerve to try to make the King of Kings take MY PROBLEMS. The beauty is…
God, the King of Kings, the Father of forgiveness, Emmanuel, and every other name He is to me every single day…already knew the secret before I confessed it to Him. He forgives me and offers me the grace and mercy I so need to lay it down and leave it there.
It seems I am at the cross a lot lately. I KNOW God loves it when I come everyday and stay for long periods of time. I’m pretty sure my bag is getting a little lighter and I’m hopeful that my visits with God are beginning to penetrate every pore of my body. I guess if I’m going to be immersed in something fully, I might as well be immersed in my time at the cross with God. Thank you Father for meeting me here…once again…
See you later!