New Background

Can You Hear Me Now?

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Emotional Pain that place in the very core of our heart...where we just know what we're going through is going to absolutely destroy us one tear at a time.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Foiled Again

My hairdresser has been 'unavailable' lately and so I found myself going grey much faster and more dramatically than I ever intended. Add to that...lo' and behold my drivers license expires next week.

EMERGENCY HAIR INTERVENTION needed!!! I had talked to a couple of ladies that had used one of our local hair schools with some success and I'm notorious for waiting too long to try to get an appointment with a 'graduate' who actually works in a SALON...and I was desperate so I decided to go to 'said' school and try it out. The issue with these schools is you can't really 'schedule' an appointment with someone you get referred to. You show up, put your name on the list and wait for the 'next available stylist/student'.

So after my 7 mile training walk on Saturday morning, I headed over to the school, put my name on the list and indicated what services I wanted and waited.

While I waited, I watched the stylists that I could see from the lobby. As always I looked at their hair. I don't know why, really. They probably didn't DO their OWN hair. But who has the nerve to ask: "Who did you hair? That's who I want to see today."

So I wait for awhile and just watched and looked around. It seemed everywhere I looked there was foil, foil, and more foil. There was more foil than a Tin Man convention. It was crazy! Plus, these are students so there is A LOT of foil. Both on heads and on the floor.

I get called back (around 11ish) and the first thing the student/stylist asks me is what I want done so I proceed to tell her the most important thing is cover the grey and then just highlight/low light the rest of it. She brings the instructor over to discuss my decision and then goes to 'mix' the potion.

She was a nice young lady and we had a great time visiting and she even turned my chair out towards the center of the room so I could continue to 'people/hair' watch. As she's 'foiling' my hair I asked her what the worst part of school is and she tells me: "Working with grey hair." I think my eyes just grew three times larger. She then proceeded to tell me she is still trying to figure it out. I tried to encourage her by telling her even my 'seasoned' stylist doesn't get them ALL covered, just do the best you can.

She complied. I sat in that chair being 'foiled' for 2 hours at least. At one point I thought I was going to pass out and I literally had to put my foil-covered head between my legs. I recovered after drinking the rest of my lukewarm water and endured the remainder of the foiling. I would wager to guess there were over 75 foils on my head. The most I had ever had was probably 20-25. Granted I have a lot of hair (and this student/stylist didn't hesitate to let me know that). I think I was assisting with the local radio stations' increased frequency that day.

About 2 additional hours later (yes 4 total) I had my hair colored, cut, dried, straightened, textured and $38.50 later I'm out the door. Yep, that's right...only $38.50 (plus tip of course). The tips are all these girls make. My regular stylist charges me between $120-$140, so this is really a steal. Is it the caliber of my regular stylists? Probably not, but for that price I'm willing to be a guinea pig and go in with that mantra: "it's not that bad. Hair grows!"

The other thing the whole process reminded me of was from the recent study of Esther I did when the women spend all those months preparing themselves to be presented to the King and they endure all these beauty treatments. I'll bet they wish they had foil back then. The things we do for beauty!

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Heart of It All

It seemed a fitting title with Hallmark’s big holiday upon us.

I’ve thought a lot about what I wrote about skipping church and read and pondered the comments.

A part of me feels half submerged in a post-modern society. I've read many of the books but on some level it seems as though it's either too inclusive or too ambivalent. Whichever the case, the more I read about postmodernism the more uncertain I become about my role and the role of my church (should I find MY church).

The other half of me feels the pain of the traditional church of my childhood. During that time I was discouraged from asking questions about anything related to church or my beliefs and some of that pain and pride hangs out on my shoulders when I walk through the church doors or when there is hesitation or a strange look at some of the questions I have.

The hardest thing for me is the expectations. I think rather than setting my expectations too high, I go in expecting the worst and then I become detached when I find it. It reminds me of Scripture about setting my mind on the 'good' things and so many lessons I've had on renewing my mind.

I obviously don't have the answers and I obviously need to clear my mind and take the 'no expectations' route but this has proven much more difficult than I could imagine. Especially given my history in this area. I think I can take a certain amount of pain and indifference before I just don't want to 'play' anymore.

There is a quote about how thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character "When you are all alone, no one is observing you. The thoughts that are taking place in your mind is the blue-print of your character." I am concerned about the church-apathy infecting my character, but even more concerned by the church without legs.

The question at the pulse of MY church is asking: Why does the world continue to reject Christ? What are they seeing in ME that repels them from eternal life? and the question becomes the verb that propels the Church! Could it be the Bible is right...our evangelism is only as strong as what's inside each of us? And they will know we are Christians by our love?

I WANT to love you, but I don't know how.

Happy Valentine's Day: may love be the real reason for the season!

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Skipping Church...Again

I skipped church this morning...again. I'm getting to where I only show 2 weeks a month.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me or why I don't want to go...well I know some of it, but it's the same old, same old.

What makes it even harder is we have become closer with our worship leaders and I know it hurts my friend when I'm not there and somehow that isn't even enough to get me through those doors each week.

It's not that I don't LIKE it. It's just the hunger is gone. The desire is gone. The purpose seems lacking.

Add to that, people are leaving church because they are either embarrassed by stuff they are going through or they feel 'judged'. My problem with that is church SHOULD be the one place we can be completely transparent and receive grace and forgiveness offered to us by our Father.

Sometimes I feel like the whole purpose of church (or the churches we've attended) is so skewed towards 'growth' that everything else becomes secondary. Sure there is always the push for help in the children's ministry or assistance in maintaining the building, but in terms of real fellowship and belonging, it just doesn't seem to be working. At first I thought it was because I was always so drawn to 'start-up' churches, but now I think there's more to it. We've been to churches that are well established and it still feels very fragmented, almost fractured.

Then I find myself making excuses. Sort of like when you break up with someone you weren't 'in love with'. See if this sounds familiar.

"It's not you, it's me."

That's what I think I'm saying to church right now. "I like you as a friend, but just not in 'that' way."

Now where do I go from here?

Just wondering...

Monday, February 01, 2010


disclaimer: This is in no way related to Michael Jackson's baby.

At church this weekend the pastor was talking about the beauty of the blanket of snow covering our land right now. He talked about how this snow is to serve as a reminder of how Jesus’ blood purified us making us ‘white as snow’.

Well I can assure you with the exception of the first hours of silent snow falling; NONE of that snow is white. It’s that grey drab dingy snow, nothing pure about it. It’s been walked on, driven on, animals have used it…it’s NOT clean.

Of course as I began to ponder the snow and it’s discoloring God began to speak.

He told me that the blanket becomes dirty and drab because of our own choices. Just like a car pollutes the snow, our lives pollute this blanket we’ve been given.

It doesn’t come across nearly so profound as it did when I heard him whisper it to me on Sunday, but it does remind me today and hopefully in the coming days as we endure the ‘melting phase’ yet again, to take care of that gift from Jesus and to cherish that cleansing and to live my life as a living sacrifice not to the world, but to Him.

Ironically…or not, today’s Scripture on my calendar is: I Corinthians 6:19

"Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God. You do not belong to yourself for God bought you with a high price so you must honor God with your body.”

Another one of those reminders that it’s not just the outside, but the inside too! Sounds like it could be a cleansing week for me.

In other news…I read that there is a group of activists strongly opposing waking the groundhog to check for his shadow, as these animals are supposed to hibernate from early November through March.

Apparently Punxsutawney Phil’s handler has stated that this hibernation is not like “Sleeping Beauty”. The animals still get up and eat.

In any event there is some talk about using a computerized model of “Phil” and then some say he hasn’t been that accurate over the past few years anyway, so perhaps he’s not that good an indicator…YOU THINK!

I think I’ll stick to the Farmer’s Almanac who predicted a ‘wetter than normal’ winter for us and lo’ and behold, those Farmers are right on track!