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Can You Hear Me Now?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

The Thing About Writing... you gotta do it!

I have this inner-voice telling me to "Write-Write!" Then the outer person got so distracted by facebook that I've been an absentee writer. Then it seemed others' around me were living MY DREAM and I realized, I've all but forsaken my love of writing. So, in an effort to hone and honor this gift (God's gift to me, not my gift to this page, LOL) and in an effort not to lose it (refer to Parable of the Talents), I will return to my first love. The blog...the written word.

I've struggled with what to share because as I've mentioned my family is walking directly through hell and frankly I'm not in a position to share all that (confidentiality rules and all). So instead I return to short little blurbs as I find my voice once again, the voice my Father gave me. The voice that when I look back has served me well. It has served as a place of refuge and devotion. It has served as a time of reflection and humor. It has served as my journal. Above all it has been a gift from God. I'll just throw out this quote that I found on Quotes on Life, a little site that I love, because again I love words and wisdom and quotes are both!

Here is what I have been pondering a couple of days: "You can't control the outer circumstances of your life but you can control how you react to them. That makes you dominant over circumstances." - Anonymous

How true this is. I'm a living example of this right now. It reminds me of what I learned in a sermon about 'joy' once. Joy is our emotional stability. Joy is not the same as Happiness. We can feel happiness as a response to Joy, but happiness can be cannot.

Am I dominant over my circumstances? Yes, most days I'd answer "Yes." Some days; however, I choose to become a victim instead of an author and I allow my circumstances to dominate me and I lose my joy.

Father help me keep this joy you have given me through you Spirit. Help me understand and live in joy daily. Help me not to fall victim to circumstances, rather to rise above and beyond to this higher path you have me on.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


One of my friends at work asked me if I would be interested in training to do a half-marathon this spring. Oklahoma has a big marathon to commemorate the day the city was forever changed by the deeds of a few very ill men. SO at the end of April each year there is a Memorial Marathon. It's become a fairly large event, at least in these parts.

At first I thought she was joking. Ever since she had her newest baby (last July) we hadn't even walked. She had always been my 'break time' walking buddy and we walked laps 30 minutes each day during breaks.

I said, "I'm not running in a marathon." Then she let me in on the can WALK the marathon...or half marathon in my case. now we're talking. I can walk. I can walk for days!

So we 'joined' a walking club that meets at our large lake each Saturday from Jan 2, 2010 til the race day (no matter HOW cold) and we walk...anywhere from 2-9.5 miles. We are then encouraged to walk during the week at least half each day of what we walk on that Saturday.

The hubs and I were out there that first weekend, it was below freezing, but we walked. We were supposed to go 3 miles, but I could only endure 2. Did I mention it was COLD! We came home and officially registered for the race and $70.00 later (for each one of us), we are NOT giving up til the race is completed.

I've always wondered what those 13.1 stickers are I see on vehicles and now I'm aiming for one of my very own! SO we walk...and walk...and walk.

I have been walking on the Saturday's (5 miles last Saturday) and 2-5 miles each week day. The other part of the goal is to get our miles down to below 15 minutes, so we can complete this 13.1 miles in under 4 hours. So's going okay...we can do probably 17 minute miles, but we're going to work on it.

I've been getting a bit discouraged, because get this, I actually gained 1 pound as of today and that doesn't make me very happy for as devoted as I've been to this exercise and eating right sort of thing. I am convinced my body thinks I'm trying to kill myself and is keeping every calorie I intake as storage for the looming death by exercise and starvation.

The good thing about walking is, as I concentrate on breathing, is I don't think so much about family and therapy and interventions. I don't think about anything but surviving to be honest. And completing this goal of course. You know I tend towards the competitive side and I'm vested financially so I've got to do this thing.

So when you're sleeping in on Saturday morning, think of us marathon trainers at the lake walking...come rain, sun, wind, whatever! Like the postal service only with a better attitude...I hope.

Monday, January 18, 2010


I feel a bit like 'Ordinary' when he got to Sanctuary and the Dream Giver asked him to hand over his dream...

I'm not even sure if I have a dream anymore.

I think it's just all the emotional upheaval from family stuff, counselling and over-analyzing every single word I say or decision I made. But lately I just feel like I want to run away...from family, work, church, friends, frankly...everything. Except the hubs of course.

I am trying to find the words, but they just won't come. So I'll close this tonight with a prayer.

Father, help me find you in the midst of all this turmoil and uncertainty. Help me hunger for you and your desires for me. Help me to find the dream you gave me, so that I can surrender it back to you and allow you to use it...and use me.

In Jesus name...

Sunday, January 17, 2010

Returning To My Roots

It's been awhile, once again. I'll confess I've become ensnared in Facebook and have a hard time finding time to 'blog' on top of it. While it's fun to see everyone on Facebook, I do miss the 'exercise' of writing and having an outlet for all God wants me to process...and lately there is A LOT! I've also seen the negative side of Facebook. I won't go into details.

In any event, I'm here and going to try to commit to writing at least once a week and hopefully more often, because I have so much to process.

On top of the snow storm of 2009, our family experienced an intervention that has torn a scab and leaves the whole family bleeding. We have been going to family counseling and if I am completely honest with you I would say...I HATE counseling. I am not crazy about laying it all out there (and I still hold some of it in), but it's a necessary part of the process and for the person going through this intervention I am hoping and praying it will work.

I thought I'd include some of the snow storm pictures...though for my friends in the north it may not seem like much, but for this 1 snow-plow town (exaggeration, but it seems that way after living in Colorado and this not even affecting school) shut us down at Christmas.

Above is the picture in front of our house. There were drifts up to 3 feet tall and cars abandoned all over town for days. The picture below is the 'snow dog' the one with so much hair she loves to roll in it and I guess it cools her nose??? She's about 13, but snow just brings her to life! So I guess that was a good part of that nasty weather. The Farmer's Almanac called it, I should've listened.