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Can You Hear Me Now?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


Today's quote: "Every day holds the possibility of a miracle."

This really inspired here's where my mind went:

by: kpjara

Today is the day we'll find out we're with child,
Today is the day the weather will be mild.

Today is the day every word will make sense,
Today is the day I won't feel quite so dense.

Today is the day my sister will laugh out loud,
Today is the day I won't be frightened by a crowd.

Today is the day I'll sing a song,
Today is the day NOTHING will go wrong.

Today is the day my heart will skip a beat,
Today is the day I'll dance out on my street.

Today is the day I'll see a miracle unfold,
Today is the day I'll see streets of silver and gold!

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Getting "Lighter"

Have you ever had a 'fat' day? Have you ever felt exceptionally weighted down and not just in literal pounds, but in life? Have you ever had that 'weighty' feeling overflow into your heart and your demeanor?

I know we've all been there. At least those of us being honest with ourselves. We've felt heavy-hearted and stopped dead in our tracks weighed down by some oppressive issue. It could be family, friends, job, school, decisions, emotions, church. The truth of the matter is, it could be anything.

I have been weighed down in my spirit so much lately that it seemed even my pores have been clogged with lead. I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit. I couldn't hear Jesus' voice. I couldn't see the Hand of God reaching out to rescue me. Not only that...but being an 'emotional eater' I am physically heavier as well. Whether I feel good, bad, or apparently NOTHING...I eat. Somehow the feeling of physical fullness acts as a VERY short-term 'filling' of the emotional emptiness as well.

I had an incredible opportunity this weekend to attend the Beth Moore Simulcast from her new book, "Get Out of the Pit". I hadn't read the book yet, but my sister had. She really wanted me to attend this simulcast being held at her church. As her older sister, I felt some obligation to go. It's not that I don't LOVE Beth Moore, because I's just that in the midst of my own wavering ambivalence, I couldn't imagine gaining anything from the experience.

How wrong I was! Thank God I was wrong. I was in a pit of apathy that was drowning out the voice of God as He reached in over and over again to rescue me. I kept choosing to slide back into this pit...until Saturday.

I know that pit is still there. I remember exactly what it looks like and feels like. I didn't hate it was comfortable. It was what I had grown used to. God wants more for me! God created me for more.

He has placed my feet on solid ground and I have to choose, daily, to stand on his stable rock of redemption. I have so much to process from this experience and I imagine I will be writing more about what I learned. Suffice to say, I feel lighter by the moment and I think I'm even ready to 'slim' back down to my 'fighting weight' once and for all!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Normal Day

February 19, 2007 "Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow." Source Unknown

February 20, 2007 "Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could...Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered with your old nonsense. This day is all that is good and fair. It is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays."

I read these as I updated my calender of "Inspirational Quotes" and I decided to do my own 'In Other Words' because these quotes just spoke to me.

All too often I am praying 'Lord, let this day go fast!' Or in anticipation of some big event or vacation I'll pray that God would 'let that day come fast!' If I am enduring some uncomfortable or even painful event I'll pray that God would 'just get me through today!'

I struggle just keeping myself grounded in today's today! I struggle accepting that today, the everyday, common, sometimes a bit frustrating or long-lasting today would move on out and make room for hope-filled, inspiring, sun-shiny TOMORROW!

For me it's hardest when anticipating a vacation or an event long-term and struggling not to rush through the days prior to the "Big Events". There is another time when it 'hits me'. It's at my new job.

Each day at my new job has such a huge learning curve. I feel so inadequate much of the time. I feel overwhelmed and unprepared. I don't doubt that I can and WILL learn this job, I just get frustrated that I have so many questions every single day. I try to think about the many questions i have asked AND answered over my years in the workforce and sometimes that helps.

Tuesday was a hard day. It was one full of self-doubt and uncertainty. I came back to work after the long weekend, full of anticipation and such sheer joy...then as I began working on one program I'm really not comfortable with yet, the doubt set in. I felt completely "LOST" in the midst of a meeting I attended as well, not understanding over half of what they were discussing.

I could almost audibly hear the enemy telling me how stupid I was. He was telling me I didn't deserve this job and I would most certainly "mess it up".

So yesterday I flipped the calender again and here is what I found:

February 21, 2007 "God has always used ordinary people to carry out His extraordinary mission."

And I'm holding on to that promise as I face each new day, taking from yesterday only the lessons that I need for today and letting go of the emotion and the 'yucky stuff'.

Lord, be with me today as I set out to learn more. Help me not be discouraged if I don't know everything I need to know today. Help me ask the questions I have without fear. Help me accept redirection and training with a humble, willing heart. Help me be helpful to others and patient and kind as I interact with others. Help me remember this training. And Lord...use me to carry out YOUR work...every day!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Water For Me!

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I got a message from Erica over at "Butterfly Kisses" and she asked me (and anyone so inclined) to pray about the "Two Weeks of Sacrifice" challenge. I read the information and I was convinced not only that I could DO THIS...but that it would make a difference.

I thought about the sacrifices I've made in my life and to be honest, they are few and far between. I've lived a selfish life with regards to sacrifice. I can think of a handful of times I've actually given sacrificially. I can think of even less that I did it without prompting.

I thought about Jesus and His sacrifice for Eternity. I can do this one small thing and I hope you would pray about joining in too! GO check it out! Please pray for a heart of sacrifice.

"That which you've done for the least of these, you've done unto me." Matthew 25:40

Monday, February 19, 2007

Home Again, Home Again...

We made it to (and fro) Dallas alive! It was a bit harrowing at times and I promise the traffic in Dallas rivals LA, though Dallas drivers move along a LOT quicker! I only saw my life pass before my eyes twice…I think. I don’t know how these people do this on a regular basis. I mean Saturday afternoon traffic came to complete stops at certain points, for no apparent reason. It was unbelievable.

We stopped along the way at the Gainesville Outlet Malls and it was like a ghost town. There are hardly any shops open, but we did find some shirts for Paul at one store and picked up a couple of gifts for other people.

Most importantly we have spent time just chatting and chatting and chatting with one of Paul’s little sisters that we never get to see. It’s been years!

She’s all grown up now and an incredible young lady. She has an old soul, of that I’m certain. She’s very easy to talk to and she has insight and knowledge beyond her years. It’s always very refreshing to me to spend time with ‘extended’ family and it’s not a stilted meeting or uncomfortable in any way. I honestly wish we could spend more time ‘hanging out with her’, though she is here for a job, so that may not be possible.

I think we will get to see her at least once before she heads back home. It has encouraged me to do a better job keeping up with her though. I understand she is an ‘emailer’ like me. I am SUCH a better emailer than a ‘phone chatterer’. I think I just OD’d on the phone as a chatty youth.

It’s Monday now and my poor husband went to the doctor with is a cold-gone-productive cough. So instead of enjoying our day off together with a movie, I will enjoy caring for him and bringing him fluids to keep him hydrated. I am going to sneak in a quick trip to a sale with my mom this afternoon but I’ll be back in a jiff and maybe he’ll even nap while I’m away.

Oh and the sun is finally shining and it may actually get to seventy degrees today! Thank you Lord!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Permission Slip

I saw this in my newest "Real Simple" magazine and I thought 'what a WONDERFUL idea'. Writing ourselves a PERMISSION SLIP for everyday life!

I, kpjara , am hereby granted permission to enjoy some chocolate without guilt , watch some mindless television , daydream about a beach vacation as I complain about the snow , and read blogs for an hour .

February 15, 2007

By: kpjara
(print name)


You should try it...very freeing!

So my wonderful husband took me out to dinner and a movie last night. We went to Cheeseburgers in Paradise (one of my favorite low-key places to go). We then met up with a group of 6 other couples from church and went to see "Music and Lyrics". I never understood GROUP movie dates.

While the movie was 'okay' ...frankly I liked "Because I Said So" better. I think it's mostly because seeing Hugh Grant aging, next to the fair and eternally youthful Drew Barrymore, was tough. After all, Hugh and I are from the same generation and I live in perpetual denial about my physical aging. Seeing Hugh and Drew romantically involved was too weird for me. He could be her father...says the critic who is married to a man 7 years her junior.

So...the movie was funny in parts, inspiring and sometimes sad in parts. Overall I'd give it 2 1/2 stars (on a scale of * to *****). I know others have already talked about it but I'm telling you Hollywood is not doing such a great job coming up with original screenplays that not only draw an audience but leave you breathless or even in tears (except for in the sad fact that you spent money to watch the darn thing)!

This weekend we are heading to the Big-D to visit with Paul's little sister (whom we haven't seen since our wedding in 1998!) It's going to be good to see her. She was still in high school last time we saw her. She now has a Masters degree and is working PR with her mother. My husband didn't get to spend much time with her as she was with their dad and he lived with his mom.

My husband informs me that the hotel we are staying in has 'wireless access' so we're taking the laptop and I'm getting caught up on blogs-a-many that I have been away from for so long it hurts my head...and my heart.

I thought about just retiring from 'blogging' during my training at work, but it's like saying goodbye to such good friends! I just don't think I can do I'll read and write when I can and hopefully every once in awhile I'll even write something meaningful. Who knows...maybe I have a decent screenplay in me! Okay...probably not...just a thought...LOL!

Remember your life is a need music AND lyrics!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Checking In

Apparently I've entered the busy stage of life. I refuse to believe I'm just slowing down! Since my last post I have been going, going, going!

One of my very best friends (and the one I've known the longest since about 1983), was throwing a party for her Mom's 70th birthday! Her mom taught school for decades and is involved in a National women's club. Suffice to say the 'to-do' was bigger than most weddings. We had cake and punch for 400. We had a giant chocolate fountain (delish by the way).

I had helped her do a really unique invitation complete with a mosaic of pictures throughout her mom's life. It was really lovely. Here is the picture:

Don't you just LOVE that picture of her in that hat sipping the tea or coffee? I love that picture. I love them all! This is a woman who has impacted my life from my early twenties til this very day. She has given of herself daily. She has shown love, where there was none. She has offered everything she has, expecting nothing. She is absolutely the epitome of Christian love and service. She is my "Mom II".

My friend doesn't mind sharing her, afterall she's had to share her throughout her life. It's taught my friend about giving freely.

A part of the "good" that is in due to my Mom II.

The party was a blast, but exhausting. We dove into the project during the invitation phase full of vim and vigor...but by Sunday evening we were certain our short-lived catering/party planning career was kaput! I know I didn't work this hard for my own wedding!

I'm now in week four of training at work and I've completed 'phone training' yesterday. Which only means I can answer phone calls from various call centers about billing and coverage issues. I've never had a problem with phones. I was a girl once after all! Even before the era of cell phones, as a teenager I was never far from the land line with the cord stretched to oblivion as I traversed the house chatting til my mom-assigned 'minutes' were used in full!

I'm not sure what's in store for today at this new job, but whatever it is, I'm certain it will keep me busy. And tomorrow is the 'love fest' Hallmark cards 'pumped up' for us over the years. My husband has a surprise in store, unfortunately so does Mother Nature...and until I see if my feet will stay grounded, I'm staying 'put'!

By the way...that groundhog may need some new specs! I see NO end in sight to this winter to forget. Perhaps I need to reread Ecclesiastes and God's promise of a new tomorrow...every day!

Have a Tuesday in the upper 70's (at least in memory)!

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Cheap Date Ideas

Okay so I'm trying to think of wonder "cheap date" ideas for my dear friend Shalee and I asked my husband for his input as well. Here are a few suggestions....and please click the link on the pic above and get over to Shalee's place and leave her some ideas. Poor dear is 'hurting' for Valentine's Date ideas and the big 'love fest' is just around the corner!

1. Go on a picnic in a botanical garden. (could be a bit cold in February), and just go OUT for dessert.

2. Go on a 'scavenger hunt' together searching for all things 'love' related.

3. Volunteer at a city rescue mission together and SHARE the Love.

4. Go to the library for one of their free events.

5. Go play frisbee in 3 different parks in one day.

6. Go test drive a 'dream car' and then wash your own vehicles together.

7. Play laser tag!

8. Go roller skating or inline skating in a park.

9. Play tennis at a community park.

10. DO a hand or face casting of each other or together. Get some casting materials (at Hobby Lobby $3.99 per only need one roll for aLOT of projects) and make casts of your hands together or your faces and then paint, decorate them together.

You just cut strips of the casting material (about 3-4 inches each) and them get a bowl of warm water. ***Make sure if you do this one to "oil the skin well' with vegetable oil so the casting material doesn't stick. Put your hands however you want them and then dip a strip in the warm water, then place on the hands and smooth it out (until well smoothes) repeat until entire surface is covered (on one side only or you'll struggle getting free). Let dry for about 5-10 minutes then wiggle your hand beneath the casting material until it 'breaks free'. Let it set for an hour or so before painting it. You can heat it in the over to dry it faster. They are quite unique. We did the "I love you" signs for a Mother's day gift once. Kids all ages enjoy this...messy and fun!

I can't wait to read the other ideas! and I do hope a book is published one day with all the great ideas!

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Coloring Outside the Lines

"I long to worship Jesus with the heart of a child, in a state of pure and true adoration. Yet so many things of the world cloud my thoughts and pull on my heart until it's no longer just a girl in the arms of the Father"~ Darlene Schacht ~"The Mom Complex"

I’ve never been very good at “coloring”, at least according to my teachers.

“Stay in the lines, Kimberly!” I’d hear from the teacher.

“You’re coloring outside the lines again, Kim.” It would continue year after year until the passion to color and to create art almost diminished itself completely.

I tried to convince the ‘older’ more mature me that it was okay to color outside the lines. I told her it was okay to use every inch of space on my paper and fill it all with whatever color she fancied.

The ‘older’ more mature me didn’t buy into it. She just put the crayons away and said she didn’t like to color. When others wanted to color she would convince them to go outside and ride bikes or she’d just doodle with a pencil where the ability to stay inside lines wasn’t as important.

Eventually the desire to color went away.

One day the girl, now a woman, realized she had forgotten what the colors looked like. She forgot what they felt like as they left their imprint on the paper. She forgot the smell of the crayons as they were rubbed hard and fast against the page. She had lost her sense of color.

The woman knew that to regain her sense of color she would have to leave the security she had grown to trust. The house that surrounded her and the safety of her unnaturally white and black, two-dimensional world had actually been shadowing her all these years. She had become trapped without color and had almost forgotten to miss it.

The woman searched and searched as the seed to remember the color grew within her. She grabbed old boxes from storage and dumped them out in her quest. Finally among the last of the boxes, out onto her perfectly white-washed carpet, fell forty-eight individual, vibrant, intoxicating crayons of many colors.

The color began to fill her house. She saw them with new eyes. She saw them in all their beauty. She cried tears of yellow as the sun touched her skin. She looked down to her flesh colored hands and bright red fingernails and touched her blue denim jeans. She reached out for the bright orange fruit that now called to her for refreshment. She looked beyond her window to the greens of every shade that covered every yard she could see. She saw the colors of the flowers as they danced before her.

Everything seemed new again. The colors sang and brought life back. The colors that she didn’t realize were gone had returned once again.

I thank God that everyday He reminds me to see His world through His eyes. I thank God that everyday He teaches me to be his child, not seeking to be a people-pleaser, but to be a child of worship…in living color…even as I color outside the lines.

Monday, February 05, 2007

It Really IS the Hardest Word!

SmuloSpace is a blog I’ve been directed to a couple of times. Just coming upon another blog doesn’t always warrant reference, but there’s something MORE here.

The post is about ‘being sorry’. My husband just finished reading a chapter in a book he’s reading about forgiveness. God was dealing with ME this weekend about forgiveness and a new CD I picked up has a song ALL about forgiveness. Not irony…more God-ON-ME!

These are the times God is clearly trying to get through to me. He knows after teaching me all these years that subtlety is not my best teacher. I need direct…pointed instruction. God is good to be direct with me!

This post at SmuloSpace says:

“If I had the opportunity to start over with people who aren’t a part of the Christian community, I would begin by saying this: ‘I’m sorry’.

One of the things that have been on my heart for years is the pain that Christians have caused to others.”

That’s the kind of directness I am speaking of. So I thought about this post…and the many comments that followed. It seems God is speaking loud and clear. If I choose NOT to seek forgiveness and offer it in the same heart, I’m missing the point completely.

So my own comment would go a little something like this:

“I’m sorry to those that I have ignored. I’m sorry to those I have been less than genuine. I’m sorry to those I have wronged in deed and word. I’m sorry to those whom I have spoken harshly to or judged too quickly. I’m sorry that I have offered less than what was freely given to me. I pray that somewhere, someone was able to show you truth in a way I didn’t. Please forgive me!”
It has become apparently that more than lyrically...'sorry' really may be the hardest word!

Thursday, February 01, 2007


Well, I'm a 1-year old blogger! Actually, I was a 1-year old blogger on 01/31/07, but I forgot until I logged in to share the celebration!

While I'm "Sharing", I'll share a blessing I've only recently become aware of...someone in this blogdom nominated me at the "Share the Love" awards site. I am honored and touched beyond words (and that just doesn't seem possible for me). I guess I'd be one of those award winners that would get up to the podium and just lose track of everything!

I was nominated for a couple of things...Most Inspiring and Most Thought-Provoking... I think. I can only say anything that comes from me that inspires or is thought-provoking is actually from frankly, God has been nominated and from the looks of all the represented blogs in ALL the categories...God is nominated over and over again!

Now go on over there and put in a vote for some of your favorites...there are bunches represented and I'm going to have to check out some NEW blogs (well blogs I haven't visited before) and then there are those favorites of mine (who got my vote too) that I will visit as often as I can!

I have been at the new job for two weeks tomorrow and I still love it! I am busy and the days fly by and I feel like I am learning many new things every single day! God really knocked my socks off with this job.

To celebrate my 1-year blog-iversary I'm going to share 5 completely random things you don't know about me...until now!

1. I went to a large highschool so I got to take FUN P.E. classes (back when P.E. was required). I took Bowling I and II, Archery, and Fencing! I bowled a perfect 300 one time during that class...have never done it again!

2. I have dyed my hair since the day before my graduation and have done so every few months since then, whether I need it or not...and now I actually DO need it. My hair has been black, dark-brown, red, pink, fuschia, half blonde/half brown, blonde, even a blue shade for a few days.

3. I love movies that have dance in them....any and all dance, no matter how STUPID the movie.

4. I swore I'd never move back to Oklahoma when I left here...and I'm back...and I love it here.

5. I love taking tests...all kinds!

Okay, that's about it for this first installment of year 2...the journey through the blogdom!