New Background

Can You Hear Me Now?

Thursday, October 29, 2009

On a Rant...

I’m tired of people who complain, but never have any solutions.

I’m tired of people who are late everywhere they go.

I’m tired of people who don’t use signals while driving.

I’m tired of people who don’t work at their marriage and wonder why they’re struggling.

I’m tired of political labeling and prejudice.

I’m tired of religion.

I’m tired of laws created to protect that result in anarchy.

I’m tired of turning my head to every injustice in the world.

I’m tired of excuses.

I’m tired of this week.

And now I’ll go face my day and hear the complaints. I’ll forgive the tardy and the person who turns without signaling. I’ll listen to someone about their struggling marriage. I’ll turn off the television during political commercials and news. I’ll focus on God and not religion. I’ll vote, when I can, against laws that are created and written to be ineffective. I’ll pray for injustice. I’ll make it through this week.

WOW! I had no idea what all was going on in my head until I sat down to journal it. I had a disagreement with my father last night and ended up leaving before it got too heated from my side. But my father was screaming at me as I left. Then something happened that had never happened before…when I got home from church last night I checked my email and he emailed me an apology. That’s a first. I didn’t know what to do with all these feelings I’m having and struggling with and since I don’t see a counselor I figured...BLOG!

And now I understand why I heard a devotional yesterday that at the very end said…

My Faith is small,
My God is GREAT!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


There is this tree outside our office window that is ‘going through the change’. I guess I’ve never noticed it before but it changes its colors from the inside out. The leaves closest to the trunk are bright red and orange and yellow. The leaves on the outside are still bright green.

As with so many of my ‘life lessons’, it got me thinking…

This tree is like I am. My beauty comes from my inside. The more whole and full my heart and soul are (the inside), the more beautiful I become on the outside. My outer ‘branches’ are still a bit green and less unique, but they are also less easily broken and act as a protective barrier to the more beautiful, yet fragile inside.

I realize that soon I will have to ‘give up’ these beautiful, fragile leaves as they fall to the ground and my trunk prepares for a long rest and then re-budding in the spring. I realize that my ‘tree of life’ goes through seasons exactly like this little tree does. I, too, go through times of molting and changing and rest and restoration and new growth. I will lose some leaves in the storms of life. I will sometimes flower and be surrounded by other life. I am sometimes praised for my beauty and sometimes ignored when I am bare.

Underneath the ground, my roots are growing stronger and larger. Each spring I come back a little bit stronger after weathering the seemingly endless winter cold. Each spring I am less ‘bothered’ by the winds and storms. I am stronger and know that each of these seasons in life are not without purpose.

I know if I am not cared for and pruned and watered I will die before my time. I know that I rely on my Creator and His creation to care for me. I know that I will not live forever, but I will live as long as I am supposed to live. I will leave behind a memory and a certainty that I was here…that I grew and knew life. I will know that my seeds created or encouraged or enabled others’ to live. I will know that my life had purpose and that my beauty was absolutely from the inside-out.

Friday, October 16, 2009


“Hello! Is anyone there?” I thought as the door to my heart reverberated from someone knocking.

I had just experienced the incredible freedom that comes from seeing the fruit of much prayer and planning, preparation, and pause as Gathering Women kicked off last night. I could finally exhale. The women DID in fact come and we shared a meal, we had a few laughs and we immediately began to identify the various personalities accounted for; from the all-too-loveable, to the extremely shy & introverted, and everything in between. I felt the anointed on the prayers and felt completely at ease sharing my heart and hope for this group.

My very best girlfriend came as a guest (and I hope she will come as often as she can), even though she attends a different church and it made it so much easier to share just knowing she was in my corner as vulnerable as I was feeling. She stayed after and we got to sit and visit about how things went and what to try differently.

The hubs came home and shortly thereafter my dear friend headed for home and we went to bed. I tossed and turned not in uncertainty, rather in restlessness as my mind raced with thoughts and ideas about this ministry. I finally succumbed to exhaustion after 11:30 pm, realizing today is my ‘early’ day at work.

The knocking actually started while I was tossing and turning last night. I ignored it because I knew how important it was that I get some rest. It then resumed first thing this morning and I made a huge mistake…I answered without checking to see who was there.

Yep it was him, the evil one! He just started in about how incapable I was of doing anything at this church or any church. He told me I should just keep my mouth closed and not share and leave these women alone. They don’t want to hear what I have to say and if they do, there is someone much more eloquent and knowledgeable then me.

I’m telling you…he never rests. Obviously I realized I would be under attack, he works overtime on anything we desire to do for God. I’m sure these attacks will continue, but right now I’m absolutely certain that only solidifies my initial certainty that I am exactly on track with what God desires for Gathering Women!

Happy ‘Satan-Free’ Friday!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Gathering Women

God spoke, every ‘t’ is crossed, every ‘i’ is dotted, Pastoral meetings have been held, scheduling has been nofified, a logo has been created (commercial to be postponed until voice over is available), prayer requests made, invitations distributed, and this Thursday…@ 6:30 pm, Gathering Women begins!

It’s amazing to me the amount of time and work that goes into this ministry. I’m pretty sure it would have been fine with the God speaks…Prayer spoken…ministry begins, but I have long since learned in being a part of many a ‘start-up’ church that church is as much a business as it is a place of worship.

The seed is planted (this is the baby sister of the group I always talk about CAYA-Come As You Are) and I’m so ready for it to bloom into the beautiful buds of new friendship and a full-fledged garden of every beautiful thing each woman will bring. I’m truly hoping it will be a place of love, accountability, mentorship, freedom, worship and above all else…ministry!

Prayers appreciated!