New Background

Can You Hear Me Now?

Saturday, March 04, 2006

I am NOT a Freak, I'm a PRINCESS!

I always knew I didn’t fit in with “normal” women. I’ve shared briefly how this has been a continuing “struggle” for me in my personal journey. I can usually embrace my ‘differences’ as I try to do with others, but sometimes it’s just about impossible.

I’m attending a women’s “retreat” this weekend at a local MEGA-CHURCH, and last night was the first night. I don’t typically attend BIG events like this because I’m really not comfortable in crowds and while my friends still don’t believe it, I’m basically introverted and quite shy around women particularly. You know the “WHY” to this…women hurt women! What’s more, we are really GOOD at it!

Anyway, a friend and I decided to attend because Carol Kent is speaking and we have done a few of her studies and could really relate to her words of wisdom through personal experience.

I’m sitting at this table of women I don’t know (except my friend) and I ask a few questions, because that’s what I do…I question people….it either makes them turn away and clam up, or they can talk about themselves freely and at length and I don’t have to say a word. It works for both of us, laying the foundation of our limited interactions at a safe arms length distance. Thankfully this is not one of those “HUG EVERYONE” kind of churches…I can’t even remember WHAT denomination it is, but they don’t hug. I’m just being honest here…

My husband and I came to visit this church when we first moved to Oklahoma. While I wasn’t completely convinced I had the post-modern “mentality” we showed up in jeans and t-shirts (not dirty or ripped) just for our own comfort sake…it’s OKLAHOMA for goodness sake…not only did NO ONE SPEAK to us, but we looked around and could see we were SO not “fit” for this church.

SIDENOTE: I appreciate clear indicators like this when “church-hunting” by the way, so THANK you to this church.

In perfect “GOD” timing last night two things happened. The first was I was over at the “coffee table” getting some java and this women started speaking to me about some random thing…my friend came over and before long we were discussing infertility and how this women eventually adopted her daughter at a late age…my age… Thank you God, that you continue to show me and BOMBARD me with stories and remind me that it’s never too late to become a parent, if not conventionally, then in some other way, even when I THINK I’ve given up!

Then the first speaker “Bunny” Graham spoke about the way women search for their identity in everything EXCEPT Christ. It’s not a new subject, we’ve all heard it…we are so driven by how others see us and compare us and so busy checking off our completed work that we lose site of our true purpose and God’s desire for us. She reminded us that we also tend to busy ourselves to the point of distraction from our ordained and purposeful life: “We are Human-BEINGS, not Human-DOINGS” she said. I love that! I usually feel more like a Human-DOING, but I am a Human-BEING! The question is; WHAT am I BEING?

The conference continues today and while I’m looking forward to hearing Carol Kent and Liz Curtis Higgs, I’m also hoping God would help me understand and overcome this discomfort around these women. I am now THEIR age…and can’t use immaturity as an excuse any longer. I am no longer the awkward teen. I can either continue to search harder and harder for what separates us, or I can walk in the unity Christ has called me to. I can hear their stories and learn from them. I can see their hearts as God sees their hearts…full of Jesus and if not…full of pain!

I’ll let you know how it all pans out…oh and we made “CROWNS” last night…so I guess that means I’m officially the princess I always knew Jesus made me!


Karen said...

I am sooo dying to ask you which mega-church it was. But I know that wasn't the point of what you wrote. So I won't ask. Even though I want to.

Overwhelmed! said...

"Thank you God, that you continue to show me and BOMBARD me with stories and remind me that it’s never too late to become a parent, if not conventionally, then in some other way, even when I THINK I’ve given up!"

It's never too late! As you might have guessed from my adoption journey blogs, adoption isn't for the faint of heart but the rewards far outweigh the stresses. God taught me more about patience, trusting in Him, and love deeper than I ever thought possible.