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Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Pathetically Predictable

Knock Knock!

Who’s there?


God who?

My point exactly!

So I’ve been out of the ‘valley’ for awhile now and I find myself beginning to wander over to the pit and peering in again, as though I haven’t seen that mud and muck before (up close and personal).

I found myself there yesterday and I wondered why I would go there. Why would I go to the place of torment and teeth gnashing? Am I nuts? Do I enjoy pain and suffering? Let me answer with a resounding NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So, then what am I doing here. I almost caught myself dipping my toes in there just to see if it felt okay.

I realized, as I reflect back on the “memory stones” of my life, that I am so much a creature of habit that it’s ‘pathetically predictable’. I hate that! I am like one of those wonderful graphs that have the hills and valleys all equally spaced with only slight variations in peaks and/or valleys. Predictably; the lower the valley, the higher the peak and vice versa.

So when and how did I make the turn back towards the pit on my climb to the mountaintop? In my life, when things are bad, I seek God with a vengeance! I pray constantly. I read the Word as often as I can. I study Scripture. I meditate on it. I may even fast, if that’s what God asks of me. In the midst of my torment I know I’m covered and I can feel that covering.

When I’m getting to the place of rest on the mountaintop, every once in awhile I find my time with God is compromised. It’s almost as if I’m saying: “Everything is FINE God; you can take a few days off!” So I take a few days off and SHAZAM! The ground beneath my feet begins to give way and down I slide, or I get distracted (when my eyes get off God) and next thing I know I’ve made a wrong turn and I’m going DOWNhill instead of Uphill. I’m standing at the pit trying to remember why I left this place.

I’m not saying there won’t be times of discomfort…after all God refines us with fire! Sometimes it hurts to be molded and formed into the vessel He has chosen, and that subtle pain is growing pain. What I AM saying is when I begin to SEE that the air feels thicker down here and my legs aren't straining anymore from the climbing…I may not be on the rise. I may, in fact, be on the downhill slide.

God shared this with me this morning (Yes, in the form of a "Knock Knock" joke) and I’m going to make every effort to continue my climb and continue to seek Him with passion! I pray that His wisdom would be planted so deeply in my heart that I will turn from this pit and run back to the place He is calling me to this morning.

Daily Meditation/Reminder:
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for God's approval. They will be satisfied. Matthew 5:6

"You are light for the world. A city cannot be hidden when it is located on a hill. No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket. Instead, everyone who lights a lamp puts it on a lamp stand. Then its light shines on everyone in the house. In the same way let your light shine in front of people. Then they will see the good that you do and praise your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16

Happy Tuesday!


GiBee said...

Darn it! I tried to leave a comment earlier this morning, and Blogger wasn't working!

I just wanted to share with you that I have been there too! I've stood on the edge of the mountaintop many times and told God that I could handle things on my own. Yeow!

I just love what you said in this sentence... "I pray that His wisdom would be planted so deeply in my heart that I will turn from this pit and run back to the place He is calling me to this morning."

I pray that too!

Thanks, Kim. I really needed to read this!

HeyJules said...

You sound so much like so many Christian women I know. We beg for His help when life is sliding out of control and then we tell Him to take a much needed vacation when things are going well. (Like God needs a vacation...)

I think the thing to do is what you've done - notice the pattern and turn it on its heels! Reach for Him every day - no matter where you are on the journey. Let Him pull you from the muck of the valley and let Him help you fly higher when you are on the way to the mountaintop!

GiBee said...

P.S. -- I just went back and read your comment back to me under your post Confessions of an Addict ... and girl, I can sooooo see you writing a book!!! In fact, I can so see MANY of my blog friends writing books .... hmmm. Makes me a bit jealous!!! Just teasing.

kpjara said...

GiBee: There are tons of writers out here...that's for's a bit overwhelming, but I won't let that steal my dream. Published or not, I'm going to write!

Now as for you and your beading and staying at home...LOL

Jules: I HATE being lumped in with other people but you're right. I sound exactly like women I've encouraged! I'm hoping to break this pattern. I hadn't even THOUGHT about soaring or going above and beyond the mountaintop...I forgot I'm not landlocked anymore, I can go airborne!
Thanks for the reminder.

kpjara said...

GiBee: Did you like how I can shift the focus from my dream to yours? When are you going to do full-time beading anyway? Could we just open a shop together?

Heather Smith said...

Great thoughts. I'm the same way. I guess its human nature. Kind of like GiBee's toss up song today. We all go back to those old things even though we are new creatures. And its always the same things. I think I've overcome them, but then I fall into the same thing AGAIN. I get so frustrated with myself. Thankfully we serve a God of mercy!

Morning Glory said...

Sometimes I think God allows us to rest. We don't have to be climbing and struggling to climb every moment of every day. If we don't feel the strain, it doesn't necessarily mean we have stopped climbing or that we are sliding downhill. It could be that we are gaining our equilibrium and gathering strength for the next climb. But we do get periods of rest and renewal in our lives. I so often see people vigorously searching for the next high moment of growth, and they wear themselves out looking for something that very well could find them first. God permits us to rest and renew.

Kristen said...

I can completely relate. It seems as though when life is going wonderfully, and there seems to be no stress and strain that we forget we still need God during those times as well.

great2beme said...

I guess I can only say that on the next "vacation or break time" I will strive to take God with me since I am praising him anyway I might as well bring him long to keep me focused.

Dismantle Queen said...

Yep !! I agree with all of you, I think we need do lunch, can you imagine us all in the same room together, Whew!! Hang on to your hats people, seriuos christian chicks on a mission.

Shalee said...


When I read your honest and completely understandable post, God brought this verse to mind. "Pray without ceasing." That it. Not "Pray when you are in trouble." Not "Pray when you think about it." Not "Pray when you can't find your way."

"Pray without ceasing" means to pray in the good and the bad times, in the ups and the downs, in the known and the unknown. God doesn't need to hear from us; He wants to hear us talking to Him.

(This wasn't a preaching comment; I'm talking to myself on your blog. Thanks for the use of your space.)

I'm going to pray right now that you will find God's strength to make the detour and to hold on to His hand when the road is rocky.

Anonymous said...

No clue how I came across your blog....but I'm glad I did. What you said is SO the others...for so many women. I'm testing out the mudd right now as a matter of fact. Like I need a reminder of how filthy I feel when I'm dredged in it. Thanks for a fresh perspective! I enjoyed it!

kpjara said...

WOW: Who'd have thought 1 knock-knock joke would result in such thought-filled, awesome responses and encouragement.

Heather: It amazes me how mature you in your 'youth'! You have learned lessons far before others your age (and some of us older ones too).

Morning Glory: You are always a voice of wisdom and encouragement to me! Rest and renewal are always sought after!

Kristen: I'm glad to know I don't walk alone and we can all draw strength from one another.

Sister: You do this much better than I ever have! Maybe it's your transformation through motherhood?

D.Q.: Lunch would be so awesome and frightening for those around us. I'm so sad I can't attend the NW bloggirls meeting.

Shalee: Thanks for the words..."Pray without ceasing" is something I've been hearing alot along with "walk in a manner worthy of your calling."

I truly do love God with all my heart and I just want to REMEMBER and PURPOSE to seek Him in everything, everyday, all day!

kpjara said...

Oh and KP: (another KP, how exciting)...I'm glad you stopped by, now shake off that mud before you leave it here for me to step in! I read your blog today and I think that mud may be something else ;) LOL!