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Can You Hear Me Now?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Learning To Let Go

I had one of those “duh” moments yesterday. I would say “AHA” moments but really, I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, it’s such a no-brainer.

You know that expression “Let Go, and Let God!” I’ve ALWAYS struggled with this lesson and just thought it was because I was a slow learner (which I know I’m not), or it didn’t apply to me (which I know it does). What I’ve found was a bit surprising (which it shouldn’t be).

I’m at my desk on Monday morning after a heart-wrenching conversation with my sister. She is walking through an abyss right now…in the name of marriage. If I may borrow from a relatively famous musical: “she is the very model of a modern major general”…in the Lord’s army, anyway. So to see her suffer as she travels through this process is really tough.

She’s my little sister. She’s the one God brought for me to help care for. She’s the one that is supposed to have guidance from her older sister so that she doesn’t have to experience the same pains.

Yet she aches. She aches with such intensity I cannot even fathom it. She aches openly and vividly. She aches in Technicolor. My body nearly shuts down just at the sound of this pain. I can’t help her. I don’t have the tools or the words. I CAN and DO pray. Somehow it feels a bit lacking. Does that mean I lack faith? I don’t think so. Somehow, words don’t always seem enough, even to God above, when someone aches so deeply. It’s as though to leave it in HIS capable, mighty hands is somehow releasing my own self-offering of strength and power. Yes, I know it’s what He wants, but it is so difficult to speak a few words and trust God to ‘deal’. To trust that His will is what is best for me…or for my sister. TO trust that no matter what the outcome, He’s got her ‘back’, better than I ever could.

I WANT to act. I want to act on behalf of her. I want to destroy the destroyer. I want to scream at the very top of my lungs (and I just may do this…privately). I want to shake my fists at this enemy. I want to throw things and hear them break. I feel a swelling of anger…to the point of barely contained rage.

Today I was reminded and I am TRYING to let go and let GOD! Because ultimately I know He is the sovereign God. He is the mighty warrior. He is our defender. He is our counselor. He is our fortress. He is our conqueror. He is our Father.

Watch out enemy, Dad’s here!

Have a Tuesday full of realized potential with God at the helm and pray, pray pray!

10 comments:

great2beme said...

Thanks Kim you always have such insight. How funny you make me sound like a super hero and yet I feel like the coyote in that cartoon with the sheep dog. They say hello every morning and then he gets beaten everyday yet I am so weak. Thanks for reminding me to let go and let GOD!

Dawn said...

I will go catch up on your sister. I am so sorry! Letting Go is probably my hardest lesson to learn. I've had the poem on my wall at work for YEARS! Today's devotional from dailydevotionals@purposedrivenlife.com is about surrender today. Excellent. Right where I live. Thanks for this reminder and this prayer request. And thanks for joining me in prayer for Micah!

Morning Glory said...

It's soooo hard to watch loved ones struggle and suffer. The mantra that I live by in those times is "God is in control." That doesn't mean I always FEEL like He is, but in my mind I KNOW He is. It's just so hard sometimes.

angeleyes Blue said...

I can feel your pain? I don't even know you. A picture came to my mind while I was reading your blog. It is famous--A beach with two sets of footprints and then there is one set of footprints--the individual cries out to God why have you left me? He whispers back the one set of footprints are when I carried you. I know it is hard but sometimes you need to take a step back clasp your hands together and breathe--He is there with you and your sister--ALWAYS ALWAYS

Shalee said...

I struggle with it too. It doesn't mean that I don't have faith. I do believe that God is in control in everything, that he is sovereign and perfect, but my struggle is when I cannot see the outcome. It's like when I ask my kids to do something, but they don't respond. I want to know that I've been heard.

But God still continues to be God no matter what fears, doubts, questions or just plain out emotions of humanity I carry around with me. And that makes everything okay.

I'm saying a special prayer for Kim right now.

Kathleen Marie said...

Intercessory prayer is amazing and yes we must give it to God and I am sure your sister has turned it all over to God i.e. given God her marriage and husband.

You are in my prayers. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Nancy said...

You really are doing a lot praying and just think... now you have all of us praying too! And we all know that prayer works. I will also pray for you.

Spookie the Warrior said...

Oh boy - I left a cmment yesterday, but it seems blogger didn't keep it. I will try again:

It is so hard to see our nearest and dearest going through such pain, but in these cases the best thing we can do is let God take over because we hurt too. And it is in letting go that we will find a knew strength in Him that is carrying our pain for us.
God bless you Kim!

C. H. Green said...

Praying for this problem.

Christy in TN said...

Dropping in via Kisses of Sunshine to see your Homemade with Love post.

One of my favorite books is Let Go, by Fenelon. A precious, precious book ... a short book of letters you'll read over and over.