I had one of those “duh” moments yesterday. I would say “AHA” moments but really, I’m almost embarrassed to admit it, it’s such a no-brainer.
You know that expression “Let Go, and Let God!” I’ve ALWAYS struggled with this lesson and just thought it was because I was a slow learner (which I know I’m not), or it didn’t apply to me (which I know it does). What I’ve found was a bit surprising (which it shouldn’t be).
I’m at my desk on Monday morning after a heart-wrenching conversation with my sister. She is walking through an abyss right now…in the name of marriage. If I may borrow from a relatively famous musical: “she is the very model of a modern major general”…in the Lord’s army, anyway. So to see her suffer as she travels through this process is really tough.
She’s my little sister. She’s the one God brought for me to help care for. She’s the one that is supposed to have guidance from her older sister so that she doesn’t have to experience the same pains.
Yet she aches. She aches with such intensity I cannot even fathom it. She aches openly and vividly. She aches in Technicolor. My body nearly shuts down just at the sound of this pain. I can’t help her. I don’t have the tools or the words. I CAN and DO pray. Somehow it feels a bit lacking. Does that mean I lack faith? I don’t think so. Somehow, words don’t always seem enough, even to God above, when someone aches so deeply. It’s as though to leave it in HIS capable, mighty hands is somehow releasing my own self-offering of strength and power. Yes, I know it’s what He wants, but it is so difficult to speak a few words and trust God to ‘deal’. To trust that His will is what is best for me…or for my sister. TO trust that no matter what the outcome, He’s got her ‘back’, better than I ever could.
I WANT to act. I want to act on behalf of her. I want to destroy the destroyer. I want to scream at the very top of my lungs (and I just may do this…privately). I want to shake my fists at this enemy. I want to throw things and hear them break. I feel a swelling of anger…to the point of barely contained rage.
Today I was reminded and I am TRYING to let go and let GOD! Because ultimately I know He is the sovereign God. He is the mighty warrior. He is our defender. He is our counselor. He is our fortress. He is our conqueror. He is our Father.
Watch out enemy, Dad’s here!
Have a Tuesday full of realized potential with God at the helm and pray, pray pray!