“There are some times when the grace of God allows you to ENJOY God’s creation and there are some times when the grace of God allows you to E N D U R E…” This is another passage from “The Nature of God” recording I had mentioned some time ago. I’m still hoping to find out who the speaker is…
I woke up this morning in such a bad mood. I didn’t even realize it til I got to work and looked at a few of my co-workers and just felt disgust and internally rolled my eyes at my placement here.
I think people, women particularly because we’re so relational, should wear a little “mood indicator” on their clothes…so approaching “victims” would be aware of impending attack. During these times of intense internal struggle, I hold on to the hope of my salvation. I try very hard to keep my mouth closed and sometimes I even warn people. I pray that my transformed self would shine through and I would muzzle the animal growling within, trying to escape and devour.
I have NO reason to feel or act this way. I am healthy. My family is healthy. I have a job. I have family that loves me. I have things. I have Christ. I have a good church with an awesome Pastor. I have ability. I have wisdom. I have friends. I do not struggle financially or mentally or intellectually, beyond what is normal. Yet I am ‘feeling’ things I can’t explain, nor can I justify.
It doesn’t make it any better to admit it. It actually makes it worse, because in recognizing the potential of this ‘animal within’, I am now accountable to my own actions today. This is when the phrase “ignorance IS bliss” applies so readily. I would LOVE to claim ignorance to my actions and just lash out and bring verbal destruction through my “wit”. God won’t let me. I would love to let people know this truth…so they’d understand that I am HOLDING BACK my flesh intentions and maybe appreciate it some, again God won’t let me.
God is the kind of Father that wouldn’t write an excuse for my work or school if I mess up on my own accord. He will LET me experience the consequence of my “free will”. This is probably the BIGGEST downside to free will…I am free to DO or SAY anything….YAHOO!!!! but wait, there’s more….CONSEQUENCES to my actions, bummer dude!
I guess I’ve made my point, whatever it was and I’m hoping to endure through today (by the grace of God) and be of “good cheer” tomorrow. That is my prayer.
Do you Remember the title poem?
There was a little girl,
who had a little curl,
right in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good,
she was very, very good,
and when she was bad,
she was HORRID!
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3 comments:
Hi! I just ran across your blog -- I'm not even sure how I got here, but I did... and I'll be back!!
Blessings.
Ha, Ha, Ha, (laughter aloud)...Ok, I'm sorry, I don't know you and I'm laughing. Only because, well, not only, it's a couple of things.
One, I heard you comment once, to the effect of "you said ALOUD what most of us would NEVER say!" Thank you for saying what you have here today, forgive any paraphrasing!
Two, my grandma to this day still makes use of that little ditty and I didn't always "get it".
Three, I get it now because I AM "IT". It seems today, you are too...
My name is tam and I am an endurance survivor. And, because of my flesh, someday, I will be an enduree (er?) and then, a survivor again. You will too. Somehow I can hear it in your voice (words).
I can hear it.
I can honestly say, I'm laughing with you kpjara. I'm laughing with you. (and at your post!)
Thanks for the poem. I've enjoyed reading some of your posts.
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