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Thursday, February 23, 2006

Testing, Testing...Ready Set, Endure!

I had a harrowing experience this morning. Don’t you love the word: HARROWING? According to Encarta Dictionary it means: upsetting, evoking feelings of fear, horror, or disgust. That word pretty much sums up what I felt this morning.

I know by now you are on the edge of you seat waiting, wondering; “what happened, what could have happened!”

Let me tell you what happened... Due to my random sleep patterns while I am healing from this cold (I toss and turn all night), when I get out of bed my hair looks something akin to Medusa on a bad day. I’m certain my husband would ALSO risk turning to stone should he make some comment about it, though thankfully he is far more intelligent than that, plus he was raised around only women!

So I head off to wet my hair (in the winter I shower at night and sleep with wet hair, which probably only adds to this ‘hair challenge’)…anyway…I head off to wet my hair and go to my ‘dressing room’ (translation: spare bedroom with vanity used to apply cosmetics and dress without husband and dogs disturbing and infesting with hair, in that order…I think).

I’m sitting at my vanity and apply my cosmetics. I’m a firm believer, less is more, so that whole application process takes maybe 3 minutes. I then plug in my hair dryer, flip the switch and it doesn’t do a thing. I then proceed to move it to the bottom plug and flip the magic switch…nothing…. I got nothing….

Okay, so as not to panic, I then move the dryer to a completely unrelated plug, somewhat far away from the vanity but still in view, even with my nearsightedness…contact….flip the switch…nothing….I’m not one to freak out…I’m honestly not even so vain as to not just put my hair UP and go with a wet head…though that look never really worked for me. I decide it’s probably something simple, like that little test switch…so I reset that switch…flip the power switch….nothing….by now I’m looking at my wet, gel covered hair, slicked back in a fashion similar to Elvis, not Skinny Elvis mind you, seeing as how this is not retro-dress day, I decide I better take more drastic measures.

Here are my choices: Remember while I am most productive in the morning, I’m least pleasant in the morning. Add to that, challenges like these…toxic mixtures.

Choice A. Go to Wal-Mart (they are 24 hours after all, prepared for just such a tragedy) and purchase a new dryer. I always get to work early anyway and probably have plenty of time.

Choice B. Just drop the dryer, search for hair pins or possibly even duct tape to put hair up and either develop a new fashion trend in duct taped hair, or risk the embarrassment of the ultimate “bad hair day”.

Choice C. Bang the dryer like mad against any hard surface and “fix it”.

Okay, so I’m a women immersed fully in a life of convenience…I select option C. It often works for my work computer monitor and I’ve seen this technique perfected by my father with the old TV’s that had to be slapped around a bit to work properly. Some dad’s teach their daughters how to change a tire…my dad taught me the art of “Appliance Compliance by Banging”.

I bang that sucker against the chair I had previously been primping in…and by now my husband, the perfect Phlegmatic, the engineer-in-training, enters said ‘dressing room’ with that look, only my husband can make that look… It’s the raised double eyebrow, eyes wide open, mouth agape, followed by this phrase: “what are you doing?”

Okay, so the ‘cynic’ in me starts brewing and fashioning an appropriate response, before my transformed temperament can take hold…

The cynic thinks of these responses:

A. Honey, this is always how I clear this dryer of the hair particles each morning.

B. I’m thinking of a song: “I don’t want to work, I just wanna bang on my blow-dryer all day!”

C. Doing what?

I always admired those women who could immediately ‘force’ tears in the presence of a man and get the man to take over…it’s just not in me…I’m a fix it myself kinda’ woman!

Soon enough, my transformed temperament tames my head and I simply explain that sometimes the best way to handle these mechanical devices is to bang them a couple of times…and lo and behold the thing starts. It stops again…I bang harder…It starts and stops again…well it does appear to be working…so I bang that sucker up and down about 7 times…and slap it upside the end just for good measure….wiggle the cord and flip the switch….it works! EUREKA, it works!

My husband exits the room while saying: “Sounds like a short or something. Someone ought to design one that works better.”

I didn’t throw the dryer at him because it had just started working and I had limited time before the gel on my head ‘set’ itself in the Fat Elvis “do”. There is a very short half life on hair gel, once activated, by the way.

The rest of my morning went off without a hitch. I started to put the dryer back in it’s storage place under the vanity, but decided…no, I’d better make a trip to Wal-Mart tonight and retire this one…maybe I’ll give it to my sister…teeheehee…

The lesson for today comes from James 1: 2-3 “Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.”

Endure, my friend, Endure!

1 comment:

wayne said...

That sounds just like something Paul would say. :)