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Can You Hear Me Now?

Saturday, February 04, 2006

A Heart To Serve

This morning my husband, niece, and I are going to our church ( to a "work-day" to do some much needed asthetic work to the interior of the building. As I prepare my mind and heart for this much needed "work" I find myself struggling not to become overwhelmed by it all.

I am a HUGE believer in temperament and how we can more readily understand many of our actions (good and bad) by how God "wired us up". I ALSO believe God can and will transform our temperament as we strive to be more "Christ-like". With that said, I am 'choleric-melancholy'. More than anything else I am DRIVEN! I don't know if that conjures up negative or positive connotations for you, for me it's usually good unless I'm 'driving out of control'.

I try very hard not to use it as an excuse when I bulldoze over people or lack discipline about my words in my choleric-driven rants. Sometimes I am successful and other times I am not. I struggle to reign in my mouth when there is lack of leadership or lack of a plan. I am a natural "leader", no excuses, just truth, and with leadership, often comes pride. God has done so much work on me since returning to Oklahoma in this specific area, but it creeps in during times and it's a real physical struggle to do the work and not "rise to lead" out of pride. The other thing that is happening, even as I sit and draft this entry, is my mind begins to run in overdrive the 'things' I need to DO today. I need to get groceries...I need to do some Bible Study work....I need to call some friends....I need to visit my family....I need to clean the house and do the laundry and prepare stuff for tomorrow and AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH....that's when I know it is no longer God's desire....but my pride running the day.

It's a physical challenge for me to "be still...and KNOW that He is God...." I literally have to stop what I'm doing, pray, or ask my husband to pray over me and wait for a minute for my heart to stop racing, my pencil to stop scribbling the "to do" list, and HEAR what God has planned for my day. Sometimes I'm right on track...but usually I'm DOING more than HEARING and doing without futility.

I won't get into the melancholy list today. I will, however, encourage YOU to investigate the temperament theory as outlined by Francis Littauer or Tim LaHaye or any number of Christian authors. For me, it is easier to understand things people do that I don't WANT to make sense of, if I can see how God "wired them up".

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