It seems my January is all about “Goodbye”. I resigned from a board I had served on for several years (though officially that was December), then I resigned from volunteer activities at my church, and finally resigned from my job.
These have all been decisions made with prayer and contemplation and I joked with my mom about the possibility that God was having me resign because my ‘time was up’ on earth. Death doesn’t scare me and I AM one of those people who can even joke about it.
I realize I still have a lot of my spiritual ‘to do’ list waiting, so while I don’t know the exact day of my own earthly exit, I don’t sense it in the very near future. It’s just strange not having any ‘attachments’ to anything concrete. I have nothing to rush to get done, no meetings to attend, no notes to take, no people to see. Why doesn’t it feel like I have too much time on my hands?
I feel more like I’m on the pinnacle of many NEW things. Originally I thought it would involve the new job I’ve been interviewing for, a new small group with another couple in our church and beginning the adoption process…but even these things seem intangible right now. I don’t feel so ‘certain’ about the small group after meeting with the other couple yesterday. I feel completely unprepared to begin the adoption process. The least uncertain, of the uncertain, is the job.
I have my final interview tomorrow and it’s between me and one other person. The moths that were hovering around the lights have overtaken my stomach. It reminds me of the feeling I used to get as I auditioned for a stage performance. You know the feeling…thinking “I’d feel better if I could just vomit and be done with it!”
I’ll have enough to keep my mind occupied here as I finish this job this week and meet with the ‘outsourcing’ company (who as it turns out is actually the efficiency expert from a few weeks ago). I’m also attending a writer’s small group tonight, at my husband’s urging (Yes, he’s going with me…I’m very shy, believe it or not!). The moths get to work overtime. I am supposed to bring a devotional (up to 500 words). As many words as I’ve got inside…500 shouldn’t take more than…oh 5 minutes.
Before I forget…go check out a new weekly addition to the Blogdom…it’s over at “Butterfly Kisses” place and it’s called Psalms Sunday. She’s going through the Psalms, one per Sunday and there’s a Mr. Linky if you’re so inclined!
Have a Monday full of new beginnings!