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Can You Hear Me Now?

Monday, November 13, 2006

Healing Scars

I just want to thank all of you for your prayers and words of encouragement and much needed reminders of a ‘hopeful’ outcome rather than tragedy and its subsequent path.

I still have been unable to call my sister because I’m still struggling to release all the anger to God. Not ironically, at church as we continue in a deep and meaningful series of Jonah. We got to the part where God puts a tree for shade for Jonah and then creates the worm to destroy the same tree. Jonah is angry and wants to die! I stopped there and thought about the many Scriptures in the N.T. that remind me to endure through hardship, and to encourage my ‘sisters’ and help bring them into light, from darkness. The reminders to get my focus off ME and on HIM.

I also thought of my own marriage vows… “to love…in plenty and in want…” Clearly my sister is going through a time of want. Will I love her through it?

I spoke to my niece last night and as I suspected she’s struggling to process this living nightmare. She is an artist, and that comes with experienced pain and angst (even at 16 y.o.). She is a gifted poet and is so full of mercy is almost frightening.

I listened to her and asked a few questions and she shared. I thought better of any advice giving…just listening…that’s all that is required of me as I hear her heart. Then I offered a few words of encouragement, a reminder that a new day WILL dawn. A new tomorrow will hold hope and renewal. Her mom will be home this week and they will begin to repair the severing of trust that a child maintains in their parents.

I’m so proud of her and her ability to process her own emotions and encourage her brother to do the same. Her brother, who is far too young to really know what happened (thank GOD), only wants an assuredness that Mommy will return by tomorrow and his world will be on ‘forward’ again.

My sister’s husband continues to ‘pretend’ nothing is wrong. He has never been able to show or deal with emotions. I picture in my mind a pressure cooker that has been left unattended for far too long and it is preparing to BLOW…. He has displayed this same behavior through the entire marriage. I initially thought it brought some balance to the marriage, now I see it is absolute denial.

On the way to work this morning God spoke through a new song…for me. I had never heard it. It’s “I Know” by Seventh Day Slumber. How fitting are these lyrics…

Wonder what can be so bad
That it makes you want to die
I wonder what could be so tragic
Makes you want to take your life
You have your Savior on the cross
While you sit on the throne
Put yourself up on that cross
Put your Savior on the throne.

And I know it’s hard to take what’s happening
And I know life is tough sometimes
And I know it seems like there’s no hope for you
And I know your life is worth more than you can see

It’s hard to see beyond your pain
When you feel so dead inside
It’s hard to see what you’ve been given
It’s hard to find the hope in life

And I know it’s hard to take what’s happening
And I know life is tough sometimes
And I know it seems like there’s no hope for you
And I know your life is worth more than you can see

And I say look at Jesus’ hands
Those scars are there for you
You know He understands
What you’re going through

Remember the scars today and have a blemish free Monday!


Aunt Murry said...

KP - Having been through this with a loved one all I can tell you is to love her. I know that you are angry. Heck, I'm still angry at Shawn and it will be three years in March since he died. Just love her. If you need to talk, an ear to listen an outside source, e-mail me and I will give you my number. I understand the want to give up. I have struggled with it since Shawn's death. I pray for you and your sister, your entire family. Stay strong and just love her. Get her help but just love her.

Morning Glory said...

You came to mind as I woke up this morning and I prayed for you and your family.

Try to think how you would respond to a non-relative in need of love and support, and then offer more than that to your sister. Family is everything in times like these.

Blessings today, Kim.

the voice said...

I will continue to pray for your sister, that she will see, and trust God to lead her through the fog. I will also pray for you, that God will take that anger from you, and replace it with peace and unconditional love for your sister and her family, yes, even her husband. I do wonder, looking at the drug she used, if this wasn't more of a cry for help, rather than a real attempt at suicide. Either way, both she, and her family, will need lot's of love and support. Be strong Kim. My thoughts and prayers are with the both of you. May God strengthen you, and guide you. Ken

Praying for your Prodigal said...

May God strengthen you as you minister His Love to your sister and family. How wonderful that you heard from Him already through the lyrics and notes of such a great song. I am so sorry for your sisters sadness...and for the stages of grief you must now go through. Your readers have commented brilliantly.....just loving probably what she needs most at this time.

God Bless your entire family.


Sally said...

still praying ((()))

Butterfly Kisses said...

I will add your family to my prayer list. It was great to read about your niece's ability to process her emotions and have ways of releasing them as well. Maybe someday, as tragic as the situation is, she'll be able to use it and her experiences with getting through it to help others.

God bless you, your sister, and her family!

Karen said...

Prayers for you during this time, Kim.

I've been in your place. I understand your feelings. Take the step of faith toward forgiveness. God will take it with you. I promise. It won't all go away but he will share his grace with you when you think you have nothing to offer.

Dawn said...

I am sorry that I missed the last post. I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this. I can't imagine the pain. God sends songs when we need them, doesn't He?

Spookie the Warrior said...

Isn't it amazing how God can comfort us through a song like that. It is truly amazing - HE is truly amazing. Keeping you and in my prayers. Love you!!