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Can You Hear Me Now?

Friday, November 03, 2006

Excuses, Excuses

I've been a bit 'absent' this week as I've celebrated both my Mother's and Father's birthdays this week and my brother and SIL are in town from NJ AND one of my girls got violently ill yesterday (she's better now)... so free time has been sparse...and my visiting down! It always amazes me how much I miss 'reading' everyone, til I'm away a day or two.

I received this email from my mom and it is HILARIOUS! I wanted to share it here...I don't know the origin, but if you haven't seen it...put the coffee down and prepare to laugh!


Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that Mr. Fenton go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.

Here's a letter sent to her from the store.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares ... and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his Madonna look using different sized funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least....

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"


MommaB said...

Oh, I love it! Enjoy your family time and we'll "read" you when you get back.

Morning Glory said...

Those are so funny! I choked laughing even AFTER I put the coffee cup down!!

Enjoy the time with your family. We'll be here when you get back.

Dawn said...

This absolutely cracked me up! What a creative old guy. I sure hope it's true!

the voice said...

THAT was funny! Just what I needed. God bless you, Ken

Shalee said...

Even though I've read it before, it is still makes me laugh. The sad thing is, I think it was written about my father. He really pulls crud like that...

Enjoy your time with your family. Look at it this way: It gives you stuff to blog about. :)

sarah said...

ROFLMBO!! Thanks for posting this, I can always use a good laugh. has some other pranks listed in their article about this email:
4. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
5. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes of gift wrap.
11. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joe and the X-Men.
12. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
14. Switch signs on the men's and women's bathrooms.
16. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.
20. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them you don't get out much and would they put one of those little umbrellas in it.

Grafted Branch said...

Held my composure till the last one, Kim...made me laugh out loud.

Pilot Mom said...

Thanks for an excellent laugh! These were great! *walks away humming...*

Sally said...

This is priceless Kim- thank you so much for posting it!

Joy M. said...

I am crying from laughing so hard. Don't let my kids see this! I can see them doing all of them!


Anonymous said...

This is so funny. I hope my husband never does something like this. He probably fears I will! Maybe. ;)