In the past, in this space, I have tried to be extremely mindful of what I write here, so as not to offend, or even anger someone who finds their way here. I believe God, when he instructed us to be mindful of what we say and do (and even eat) and that if it is likely to ‘trip up’ a young believer, to abstain. I feel like I’ve done a fairly good job to date. However, I’ve reached a ‘breaking point’ of sorts. Suffice to say, I fear the days of self-edit may be short-lived.
In contrast I’ve also shared, this space and my written thoughts were never intended to be a validation of what other people believe or say…this is my journal. Sometimes I’m less then pretty (can you even imagine it?). Sometimes I’m working through some things that MANY people don’t even see in their world. My prayer is that as I open up and ‘journal’ this struggle I can do so without offense rather in a ‘seeking’ mode.
It gives me great hope that even as I battle the demons that try, without fail, to trip me up and confuse me and stifle me and dis-empower me, God is still God. God will never leave me nor forsake me. He reminded me again yesterday in church to be strong! Be prepared for battle…be STRONG and courageous!
God also gave me a bit of a slap on the hand (Scripture included in conclusion) for acting like a child when I’ve been on solid food for some time now. I can relate to the toddler that doesn’t want to give up the bottle at naptime, because there are days (like today), when I just want to be cradled and held and drink from the bottle of ignorance and all its comfort and assurance. God is the one prompting me to quit pouting and starting searching!
It’s not so important to write today what the specific struggle is, it’s enough to say that as I search for answers and ‘journal’ this journey, I might not be so ‘user friendly’.
*it’s important to note I literally ‘fell upon’ this Scripture one day as I screamed out to God to: “GIVE ME A WORD!” then I threw open my Bible to this:
“So let us stop going over the basics of Christianity again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely we don't need to start all over again with the importance of turning away from evil deeds and placing our faith in God. You don't need further instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And so, God willing, we will move forward to further understanding.
For it is impossible to restore to repentance those who were once enlightened--those who have experienced the good things of heaven and shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the power of the age to come-- and who then turn away from God. It is impossible to bring such people to repentance again because they are nailing the Son of God to the cross again by rejecting him, holding him up to public shame.
When the ground soaks up the rain that falls on it and bears a good crop for the farmer, it has the blessing of God. But if a field bears thistles and thorns, it is useless. The farmer will condemn that field and burn it.
Dear friends, even though we are talking like this, we really don't believe that it applies to you. We are confident that you are meant for better things, things that come with salvation. For God is not unfair. He will not forget how hard you have worked for him and how you have shown your love to him by caring for other Christians, as you still do. Our great desire is that you will keep right on loving others as long as life lasts, in order to make certain that what you hope for will come true. Then you will not become spiritually dull and indifferent. Instead, you will follow the example of those who are going to inherit God's promises because of their faith and patience.” (NLT: Hebrews 6:1-12)
(I ‘flipped’ back a chapter to see why this whole lecture began…this is where I landed…)
“I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you've picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one—baby's milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God's ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.” (Message: Hebrews 5:11-14)
Have a beautiful Monday and remember to pray tomorrow for those who have fought to attain and preserve our freedom!