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Can You Hear Me Now?

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Sad Truth #1137

Okay, honestly it’s probably more likely sad truth #1,000,998 for me, but some of them didn’t sink in the 1st time and had to be repeated…a few thousand times…so do they really count?

A sad truth came over me today and I think I’d prefer to share it in the form of a story….so…here we go!

Once upon a time was a Y*O*U*N*G woman named KPJARA who loved to write. She found, through a dear pastor, a place on the computer, where she could write and capture, her own random thoughts intermingled with some insight and wisdom…for free (the writing space, not the wisdom…wisdom ALWAYS comes at a cost) AND she could possibly get some feedback from others on her attempts at humor and/or wisdom. She might even find answers to both solicited and unsolicited questions she kept hidden in her mind and heart or sometimes shared openly in this forum.

She started writing and wrote and wrote and wrote, every day for a month or so, until more than just the ‘expected’ visitors of spouse and pastor came to visit. She received ‘comments’ and encouragement from another writer. She realized she would have to start visiting other ‘spaces’ more openly and make some ‘friends’ in this blogdom if she wanted to connect with others. She de-lurked and started leaving random “comments” on a few sites and soon she realized she needed to just add “links” to these places she roamed daily, so she didn’t have to spend so much time finding them each day!

It was such a wonderful few months. She wrote and read and read and wrote and wrote some more. She told others of the freedom and release she had found through this venue and while her own goal of writing a book was ‘shelved’ as she completed this leg of her healing journey, she was certain she had never been more on track.

Her lackluster work life that had so drained her with boring days of idling, finally offered her freedom, in the form of time and a REALLY fast processor, with which she could produce more words to free the over packed memory banks of her mind. She found a creative outlet, where she could seek and find other writers, photographers and artists of all forms…all of which were so accomplished and free in their expressions.

It was an incredibly safe, yet challenging place to mingle. Some days other writers pushed her ‘buttons’ and forced her to think outside her own linear world. Some days she would do the same for others. It was a quid pro quo. It was a pseudo-utopic experience…until the day it began to collapse….

One day the comments wouldn’t load and she continued to get an error while trying to ‘talk’ to another writer. She felt imprisoned with words that wanted to flow and be free but were stopped abruptly and rudely by a MACHINE! She soon realized it wasn’t just her…it wasn’t her MACHINE…it was BLOGSPOT.COM! What had happened? Had they decided that with the ‘free services’ should come a user expectation of downtime unlimited?

The woman realized something else…she realized after the 3rd day of fighting tooth and nail with this ‘unknown entity’ that she had never chased after God with such a vengeance. She had never spent the time and energy to get to hear from God’s comments daily. She was sacrificing so much of her journey to BLOGSPOT.COM she had almost lost the very passion, the very source of the words she brought to this place.

The woman realized too, that this space had to be a result of her walk and talk with God, not the other way around. She realized the gift of writing was from God. She realized the gift of friendship was from God as well. She realized God was waiting patiently, at least for now, in the office, as her fingers found the comfortable tempo they had longed for.

Perhaps it was the ‘clog’ in her brain that had finally freed her to see this oversight. Perhaps it was the physical pull she was feeling towards the Word of God, perhaps it was a change she was seeing, though ever so slightly, that was affecting her daily mood and passion. Whatever the cause, she now knew she must refocus, redirect, reinitiate the extended quiet time she had so sacrificed for such a time.

She vowed to continue writing, but with less personal expectation and hopefully to result in more joy! She loved these people, and knew God had blessed her even amidst one of her most selfish ambitions. She knew that the enemy had also thwarted her writing progress by putting to side the actual book of encouragement she had desired to see completed in draft this year.

This woman was going to realign her priorities and while she would always write both in this BLOGDOM and outside it: it could not…should not…be above her desire to grow in her disciplines of prayer, Bible reading, Bible study, fellowship, family devotion, and every other living, breathing commitment she was here for. The time had come for the woman to step back into the world and reconnect to the journey God had placed before her!

And so we leave you here, with a certainty that this recent downtime was indeed a time to reflect on my own priorities and while I love writing in this space, it has become a bit of an obsessive behavior and God desires more of me now and I desire to give this to God who loves me more than anyone else would or even could!

At the Lord's prompting...to be continued…

22 comments:

great2beme said...

You don't have to spend less time here, just more time with him as well. He is your focus, the focus of your writing the focus of the things you do, be careful what you give up this too can be a hinderance. God wouldn't bless you with so much here if it wasn't from him. He just wants more too.

kpjara said...

You know me well enough to know that if I don't set REAL limits...I'll get myself in trouble... I won't quit posting...but I have to be sure it's secondary to time with God.

Remember me...the sister with the extremely ADDICTIVE personality?

Sally said...

Hmm, I see this reflected in my own journey- that is what compelled me out for a walk this evening- and that is where God spoke... but I still blogged about it!!!
needy???

kpjara said...

Sally,

I'm so right there with you...scary really, is it friendship God has truly brought...or is it a crutch and replacement for what He wants to say to me? I don't know the answers yet, but I've got to seek it out!

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) said...

i can understand this. I only started blogging a few months ago, but with all the visiting and commenting etc it can really take over your life. I need to make sure that I keep it in line with my priorites and responsiblities to God and my family.

God Bless you on your journey!

Karen said...

Enjoy your break. I hope you return feeling refreshed and energized in other areas. Good for you for recognizing this.

MommaB said...

Even though I visited your site for the first time last night... I am already "captured" by your spirit, wisdom and honesty. I'm new to this world of Bloggin' yet still have had to set limits on myself. It's an addictive outlet for emotional release. I hope and pray that God gives you words of wisdom to share with us again soon. Until then... I'll read your archives and pray that your renewed journey to Him will be overwhelmingly rewarding.

C. H. Green said...

Wow. Well said.

Dismantle Queen said...

HEAR! HEAR! Sister,Amen

Anonymous said...

Well said my dear
hubby

Anonymous said...

So true. I think we all have things like this in our lives(whether it be blogging, t.v., etc, etc). Sure made me think about my own life (as often your words of wisdom do for me).
Love you!
G

Tess said...

maybe it's the novelty of it all, but I had to take a 3 month break myself, so I understand. As an internet bloggy friend, I am happy to take the backseat to your relationship with God and your family! :)

shannon @ rocks in my dryer said...

My journey is so similar to yours! It's so easy to let this blogging business take over your life, isn't it?

Just now realized you're from Oklahoma. Me too! Maybe we're neighbors?

Claire Joy said...

Are you telling your story or mine?
(Except I ain't done with this particular addiction yet...)

kpjara said...

You all are so funny. Quiet, I think God's resting his eyes (on someone else for a minute)...I just want to say I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in this addiction...and I'm not going far...I'm still out here...just trying to refocus the whole blog thing towards writing secondary to studying God's word...Needless to say, satan decided to take last nights reading and turn it in to more gobbledegoop and I was almost defeated...then I jumped over from Isaiah to John and felt immediately "at home"...That darn satan....wait I think I hear God...and Shannon, that is so bizarre...I hope you're NOT one of the neighbors I haven't taken the time to meet, or someone i've cut off in traffic, teehee...

Gotta run, God's calling!

the voice said...

You're doing the right thing. Keeping your priorities in line is a must, and blogging should never be at the top. See you when you get back. God bless you, Ken

Shalee said...

You're taking a blogcation... a well earned, much needed one. Go and let God restore you so that you can find a way to balance everything. I'll see you when I see you, and hopefully it will still be the 24th.

GiBee said...

What? Huh? What? What? What?

Oh, friend ... I know we need to be obedient to God ... but do you think he'll let you squeek in a few hours here and there???

I honestly must say that you have touched me through your writings, humor, and spiritual postings.

Don't be a stranger!

Hugs.

Overwhelmed! said...

Wow, what a powerful post. Good luck with your efforts. I hope you manage to find some time here as well because I really enjoy your writing, but if not, I understand.

Grafted Branch said...

I really just found you! I see you posting on Jem's Gems and thought you would be an encouraging cyber-friend. And you know what? You have been.

I, too, have moved past the point where the blog is cathartic, and moved into addictive. I cringe to admit that it is mastering me. I simply must leave off checking it unless I actually have something of value to be remembered and written about!

Thanks for your honesty. God bless!

Faith said...

I am stuggling with some of the same things. don't be too long though, you will be missed.

Joy M. said...

I never thought it possible to care for and love someone so much in such a short time. KP, I have come to really respect your posts and your comments. They have meant so much to me. And you really were the first to find me and get me into traveling bl**dom.

Like you, I have found it an addiction at best. I think I am naturally inclined to that...hmmmm. I've been wondering about taking a few days off too. It wasn't till I saw your post that I realized how much I would miss you. Wow, I barely know you, but I feel like I KNOW you.

Lord stretch all the hours in our days. We keep adding things to the hours without hours being added. We treasure the friendships here, but we all treasure You so much more. Help us to keep our focus on You and find a little time to keep in touch as well.

Ya'll come back now, ya hear? Love ya, KP!