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Tuesday, April 18, 2006

One More Things About Easter

I realized I didn’t get to finish my tirade yesterday while I was wallowing in my own self-absorption. So because it’s Tuesday and I’m feeling a bit free-spirited today (I slept more last night)…I’m going to continue.

There are some things in life that we know are absolutes. The most CERTAIN of these is that Super Wal-Mart is here to stay and they’re basically ALWAYS open. Wal-Mart will be the only thing standing (along with cockroaches) following a nuclear war! So…admittedly, I don’t live in the most urban of places; however, Oklahomans have migrated from the teepees some people still believe we reside in, to actual homes, some on wheels, but homes with actual walls.

Side Note: I used to consider it such fun to ‘convince’ people that when we lived in Alaska, not only did we live in an igloo, but we wore fur year round. I also convinced people in Colorado, that we lived in teepees in Kansas. It was great fun! I digress…

Okay, so it’s Easter “eve” and I realize I don’t have the salad made for the dinner tomorrow (my culinary contribution to the family dinner). My cupboards are bare except for some VERY limp lettuce and some very soft tomatoes (YUCK)! I bravely inform my husband (and niece who was spending the night) we need to make a QUICK trip to Wal-Mart and pick up the salad makings and we might as well get our weekly groceries.

You know, because I’ve shared previously, I can put it into high-gear and go-go-GO and get things DONE! We arrive at Wal-Mart at 9:35p.m. on Easter Eve and I feel my insides cringe because Wal-Mart is one “book” you can “judge from the cover” (parking lot). It was CROWDED! So of course I’m thinking, what idiot (aside from me) comes to Wal-Mart on Easter Eve? I figured I’d only have to jockey with the pallets and the stockers…oh no…these were frantic parents searching the now near empty Easter aisles for baskets, eggs and grass!

In our Wal-Mart they have strategically placed the candy in the front by the non-grocery door therefore it clogs up the entire entry way with only a handful of people and carts. I looked at the shelves and they were almost completely empty! OHMYWORD! It was like someone had screamed this was the last candy to be made in America… I’ve never seen empty candy aisles before, it was downright frightening and apocalyptic feeling.

People were RUNNING up and down aisles WITH their carts…literally FIGHTING over the leftover candy and baskets and grass. If I were a ‘last-minute parent’ at this point I’d be headed over to the paint aisle for a bucket and get some confetti from gift wrap for ‘grass’, but apparently these people were too frantic to stop and think and I figured it wouldn’t be in my best interest to advise them otherwise.

This begs the question: Have you ever had to improvise an Easter Basket and grass? What did you use? And do Easter Baskets HAVE to be replaced each year? Or is this another product of split families and a “throw-away” society. It seems we had the same Easter Basket for years and years when I was a child…all those years ago!

I shopped on…turning my head on the travesty.

A few moments later, to add insult, this announcer comes on and says: “It is 10:00 pm and Wal-Mart is now closed. We will reopen tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. for your convenience.” Okay, so what MORON closes Wal-Mart on Easter EVE and REOPENS it on Easter MORNING? There was no sign on the door. There was no notice in the paper. Who did this? Wal-Mart ONLY closes on Christmas!

I start rushing around to finish up and it felt like one of those game-shows where you have like 1 minute in the store to grab what you can…My husband didn’t HEAR the announcement so he’s wondering why I’m in frantic mode. I tell him and my niece what was said and while it appears many people are still weaving in and out of pallets and aisles slowly and methodically, we do the quick sprint to the front. You know these checkers can get mighty busy during a “closing”.

We find a checker and I send my husband back into the “belly of the beast” to pick up 3 or 4 more things…while I wait. He gets back with time to spare and we check out and are outta there! It was about a 30 minutes WAL-MART shopping trip! Yes, it’s practically an Olympic training event and very well should be a qualifying event for any sprinting race!

I guess I’m going to have to make some adjustments to my list of ABSOLUTES.

Happy Tuesday!


the voice said...

How funny! I too have seen the degradation of good people into mere animals, and yes, it was also at a Sprawl Mart, the day before Christmas, a few years ago. I have since vowed to never, ever, under any circumstances, wait until the last minute to get something. Oh, and you don't live in a teepee? My dreams are shattered.

Morning Glory said...

Were you in MY Walmart Saturday night? It must be a universal Walmart situation. Ugh!!

My nieces and nephews used to insult my children about where we lived, too. They were all raised in Southern California, but my children were raised in the Northwest. My girls got so disgusted with them after one particular visit (they actually asked us if we got real TV channels!!!), that they told them we had to go to the nearby larger town to use the phone. The California smart alecks believed them for one brief moment. Sweet revenge!

kpjara said...

This coming from a Californ-I-A-N? Unbelievable! It does create such a cool "inside joke" for those outside those state lines!

Do you think Wal-Mart would close if EVERYONE avoided it for 1 day?

Just a random thought...

GiBee said...

Was that YOU I saw running through Wal Mart like a mad woman Sat night?

I had no idea you could bend and stretch like that while reaching for lettuce! Why, you're a pretzel girl!!!

Just teasing!

C. H. Green said...

I've made the mad dash before too! By the way, you've been TAGGED. See my blog for details.