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Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Get Heloise on the line!

WOMAN ONLY ALERT! Fair Warning this posting is rated PG-13 and FWO (For Women Only). If you men hang on long enough to try to see what you’re being excluded from don’t say I didn’t warn you!

But first a word from blogdom:

Yesterday I was “surfing” as work was slow and admittedly I’m a ‘lurker’ so I surfed, read and even added some more “Favorite Reads” to my growing list (and still have a few more to add). I do have an etiquette question about adding favorite blogs to read…is it inappropriate to add these to our list without letting the person know? I’ve seen some people actually ask for permission. I just figured if it’s out there, it’s available! If I have broken some sort of blogland etiquette rule, please forgive me…

Okay, so I’m reading all these tags people had received which grow exponentially and quickly in blogland, I might add. I kept thinking: “I must not be very popular because I haven’t been tagged”. You see I have to remind myself daily
A) Why I write here
B) It’s NOT about me!
C) I don’t KNOW enough UN-tagged people to forward it anyway!

So of course in perfect GOD-TIMING, I’ve been tagged by CHG @ Beneath The Ivy Wreath. The tag is to tell six random things about myself and then tag six more people.

“Six Random Things”
1. I LOVE to read.
2. I pray everyday that I will make a POSITIVE difference in someone’s “WORLD”.
3. Sometimes when I look at the world I wonder if God truly exists and if so, is He asleep? Angry? Ambivalent?
4. I HATE labels: i.e. religious, politically, race, gender, size, ALL labels!
5. I daydream A LOT!
6. I doodle when in meetings or on the phone.

As far as “tagging” 6 other people…refer to item “C” above. Everyone I “KNOW” in the blogland has been tagged (I think). If you haven’t been, consider yourself ‘tagged’, and go do this and keep it going so I’m not personally responsible for the collapse of a growing web of tags.

*****PG-13 BEGINS HERE******
So…I’m driving to work this morning (against my better judgment) and for some reason the traffic is really “TIGHT”. There is little maneuverability (is that a word?) and as expensive as gas is (up to $2.69/gal here) we’re ALL… (yes, I did it too) gunning, slowing, gunning, slowing, gunning, slowing to prevent the left-hand lane people from getting ahead of us in their attempted speedy passing pursuits.

All this is going on while I’m listening to and singing along with…. “How Great is Our God”. I’m singing it while driving like a maniac and learning first hand again about the “motivation of my heart”. If my God is so incredibly GREAT, why I feel compelled to act like a horse’s bootie while driving to work. Is it going to kill me to let a few cars in front of me and behind the big red truck that is riding his brakes while I’m riding his/her tail?

I even caught myself singing while turning to glare at one of these left-lane offenders trying to edge his/her way in front of me! Obviously my “witness” needs some work with regards to driving!

I get to my turn off…which is about 50 feet BEFORE the highway entrance everyone is “jockeying” for…and I nearly run over a construction worker crossing the street. They’re building a HUGE High School at the end of this street I turn on and the construction team is less then compliant with pedestrian laws, but who am I to honk?

Anyway, I make it on up the road a mile or so to my turn off and have finally calmed my labored ‘commute breathing’ to almost normal, when a car coming out of our parking lot slams on his/her brakes in the middle of the entryway, blocking my entrance. I respond by slamming on my brakes and coffee (bad coffee week for me apparently) goes sloshing around in my cup holder.

I don’t cuss aloud, but internally I am a very angry sailor….which is actually pretty good for me! I pull into a parking spot (not MY parking spot because it’s later then my usual time and it’s gone) and dig around in my purse for something to clean the coffee spillage up from my console and gear shift area.

“I thought I had some Kleenex in here. I know I put some in here for Easter Sunday. Where on earth are they?”

I reached into the abyss (my purse/book bag/lunch sack) and put my hand on something that felt like cloth/Kleenex. I grabbed that sucker out and found myself gazing at a “Stayfree pad”. I shrugged my shoulders and thought, “Well, let’s test the limits of absorbency, shall we!”

Lo’ and Behold, it worked. Slowly and methodically I wiped the mess up and was even able to push it down into the crevice by the gear shifter to clean out any liquid spillage in this area. I had previously spilled a soft drink in there and it’s still a bit sticky so I couldn’t afford coffee on top of the already ‘sticky’ shifter. Poor Maxx!

I cleaned the whole mess up in NO TIME and then stuffed it back into my bag to dispose of it in my office garbage, which I’m sure will get nosy eyes wondering. It will be hilarious if one of the doctors sees it in there…I’ll let you know if they do! Teehee!

So I’m here, preparing to pray for a day of forgiveness, grace, mercy and renewal as I started out WAY wrong and need a bit of an alteration of my brain and more importantly my heart.

I consider it a GOOD sign that I can laugh about it already. I think I’m making progress!

Have a JOY-FILLED Wednesday!


Kristen said...

LOL! Oh, wow. You sound just like I do with regards to traffic and letting left hand laners get ahead of you in line. Traffic and drivers is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves. So I can relate. I really have to be careful not to yell at other drivers when my kids are in the car w/me. I suppose I should be more careful whether or not my kids are w/me. But I can completely relate.

Stayfree maxi story...tooo funny!

Claire Joy said...

Okay, I'll just add myself to your growing list of bloggers you "know" and can tag. (You've posted enough comments to my stuff lately, I at least feel that way.
So... my take on links is: if someone's stupid enough to have a public blog they deserve what they get. (Myself included) But I've not ever been to blog charm school so I may not be the one to ask... Hey sounds like a good book concept... maybe I'll blog about it.

BTW I posted a joke in the comments section where you asked... For your eyes only (right)

And yes, I was a sailor... a Vietnam vet, actually, who later protested the war by singing peace songs at the USO... which probably does not surprise you. :)

GiBee said...

A horse’s bootie? Oh, my heavens! That's stinking hilarious!!! (did you notice I spelled hilarious right? One L not two ... I'm finally getting it!)

Hey ... get your car away from mine!!! You're driving too close, lady! And stop singing about God while you cuss me out, lady!

kpjara said...

Who said confession is good for the soul! HOGWASH! I'll keep my sailor's mouth and my road rage to myself! LOL!

Thanks for the support ladies...remember always carry a "pad" with you for more then just protection.

the voice said...

That wasn't so bad...I could actually see what was coming as soon as you said your coffee spilled. Guess now when my wife makes me pick them up while shopping, I can just say I have a spill to clean up. LOL

kpjara said...

Okay "Voice" you made me laugh first thing this morning (obviously you've been married for a long, long time) and I could suddenly picture someone saying over the loud speaker at the BIG "W"...

"We have a spill on aisle 4" and the staff person rushing over there with the things attached to their feet for clean-up!

C. H. Green said...

I actually had this same scenario happen to me once... but I use tampons. LOL. It took about three to soak up all the soda in the ashtray where I keep all my spare change. (I thought I was the only weird one out here)I'm still laughing my butt off.

Shalee said...

Oh. My. Goodness. I am laughing like crazy at work!!! (I'm so toast.)

I can absolutely relate to your loving God/hating drivers thing. The problem comes when I call someone an idiot and my children start reprimanding me and reminding me that I am not being nice! (Do you know that there are times when I actually wish I didn't have kids? That's one of them.)

Excellent idea with the maxi pad. That gives me a great idea for the next "Works for me Wednesday"...

And for the adding someone to your link, I don't think anyone would have a problem with saying that you like them enough to put then on your blog. I suggest that you tell them you added them only because it makes them feel good about what they do. (Although there is something about showing up on a site and seeing your name on someones's list! Like what happened to me on yours. I felt honored to see it there. So thanks!)

HeyJules said...

KP, you should let the Stayfree people know about this. Can't you just see their next commercial? "I ran out of paper towels today and couldn't get to the store but, hey, no problem! I just cleaned up my spill with a Stayfree Maxi Pad!"

kpjara said...

Laughing...lots and lots of laughing, and I am preparing my E-Presentation for Stayfree. What with all the feminine product competition, I'm sure they could use the boost!

great2beme said...

The post and all the comments have me laughing for the first time in days! THANK YOU ALL!!!
To the Voice you should know I thought my hubby is the only one who would go to the store for those. you are a good one!