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Can You Hear Me Now?

Monday, April 24, 2006

I wonder what my new name will be

I wrestled with God last night. I keep waiting for my new name, but nothing yet. I’m thinking the delay is in finding just the RIGHT name for me and so many of the good ones are taken. Maybe I’ll just get a new BLOG-name…I’ll keep you posted on that end.

Last night as I lay down in my bed; the place of comfort, refuge, and renewal (usually), I immediately felt full of anxiety and angst and like a pouting child. That is how I approached His throne last night before bed. I had this discussion with God about all these “feelings”, and all the while He listened quietly.

I yelled at Him in my physical pains (minimal pain but such a nuisance as I try to sleep). I yelled at Him about His placement of us in OKC and about my husband in school and about the price of gas and about the roles women take. I asked Him why He made me the way He did when it so often resulted in my head against a brick wall!

That is how I went to sleep…

I woke up this morning feeling even more tired and as though I fought unending battles all night long; tossing and turning…never quite finding the comfort zone of complete and utter blissful sleep.

Apparently I did fight unending battles and God desires a little DIScomfort in me right now. There are some lessons God teaches me that require much less free will, cause’ He grabs me in this state of REM. I do some of my greatest thinking and BATTLES in sleep state. I’m not always fortunate enough to remember the battles, but I do typically remember the outcome.

Last night I wrestled God. Of course He won…and now I sit here waiting for the new name because it was one of THOSE battles. I have the ‘limp’ to prove it. My prayer this morning is Ephesians 4:1-6 (one of my favorites):

“…I ask you from my heart to live and work the way the Lord expected you to live and work. Live and work without pride. Be gentle and kind. Do not be hard on others. Let love keep you from doing that. Work hard to live together as one by the help of the Holy Spirit. Then there will be peace. There is one body and one Spirit. There is one hope in which you were called. There is one Lord and one faith and one baptism. There is one God. He is the Father of us all. He is over us all. He is the One working through us all. He is the One living in us all.”

Signed,
The Blogger formerly known as KPJARA

8 comments:

Shalee said...

I think I would be four hundred names removed from Shalee right now if God renamed me every time I wrestled with Him... Fortunately, Shalee is odd enough that it is still usable after all those matches.

Yeah, God wins with me too.

But have you ever noticed that when we wrestle with God and He touches our hips, He also touches our hearts?

kpjara said...

Thanks for the encouragement...it was a rough night and you're right about those heart touches.

Sometimes I'm amazed at how refining with fire doesn't hurt so much more!

HeyJules said...

I'm a sleep wrestler, also. Problem is, God is way better at battling during REM sleep than I am. He knows all He has to do is throw a snake in the mix and I'm wide awake, looking for a way out of my predicament.

I've learned the only way to get around something like this is to open my palms to heaven and say, "Take what you want. Give me what I need. Let's get this over with."

I'm not going to say it's foolproof, but it usually warrants a much better night of sleep.
:-)

Annette Burkett said...

I agree with heyjules...I've wrestled with God too and like you, the outcome was very evident, but He did bless me. He knows the desires of our hearts. It's when we forget about those desires that He can surprise us with a gift. I'm always more grateful for what He gives when I put it all in His hands.

In His Love,
Annette

great2beme said...

You are always full of wisdom and offering it to others why would you want to change it? As far as sleep goes I try to focus on happy things and when I sleep even if it isn't a deep rest I get sleep and that in and of itself is a blessing. At least when I am tossing and turning I am dancing or something pleasant in my dreams and God will give me the energy for the next day. I battled with that frequently when I had cancer my body would be physically drained and I couldn't move, my mind on the other hand was focused on that list of to do's or something of that nature and sleep (good resting sleep) never came. I started thinking maybe that would be a great God time I was awake and had concerns so I took them to him and always felt better and when that didn't work I read chapters in the bible that only had names and so I could be eye tired and go to sleep FINALLY!

kpjara said...

I've never had problem sleeping before so this is so new to me. In the past God has awakened me, dealt with it and then I go immediately back to sleep.

Tonight I'm going to pray and offer my palms up and worst case scenario rip open Numbers...

I will say this "issue" of a wife's role and submission is still largely unresolved for me. I'm going to have to dig a bit deeper for this one I think!

GiBee said...

Why? Why, why, why?

Help me understand why you would change your name... are you going for something spiritual? Funny? Different?

'Cause I like CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW ... a lot.

Or do you want to change KPJara? What does it mean? Is it short for something?

I think another post is in order with more details, cause I don't understand why you want to change your name. I.Love.It.

And really, since I'm your closest, dearest, long-time friend of three months, than I'm the only one that matters!

kpjara said...

I wouldn't REALLY change my name...I wonder some times if my post shouldn't be named after my favorite word: "WHATEVER!" but it's a bit too in your face, you know?

KPJARA actually relates to our email: It's my 1st initial/his 1st initial and the first 4 of our last name. Ironically everyone thinks it's all mine because his 1st initial is my maiden name initial too! it works! I do look forward to my new heavenly name one day though.

Speaking of names....Tom Cruise and that little Katie HOlmes new baby: Suri??? How sad...