Have you ever had a 'fat' day? Have you ever felt exceptionally weighted down and not just in literal pounds, but in life? Have you ever had that 'weighty' feeling overflow into your heart and your demeanor?
I know we've all been there. At least those of us being honest with ourselves. We've felt heavy-hearted and stopped dead in our tracks weighed down by some oppressive issue. It could be family, friends, job, school, decisions, emotions, church. The truth of the matter is, it could be anything.
I have been weighed down in my spirit so much lately that it seemed even my pores have been clogged with lead. I couldn't feel the Holy Spirit. I couldn't hear Jesus' voice. I couldn't see the Hand of God reaching out to rescue me. Not only that...but being an 'emotional eater' I am physically heavier as well. Whether I feel good, bad, or apparently NOTHING...I eat. Somehow the feeling of physical fullness acts as a VERY short-term 'filling' of the emotional emptiness as well.
I had an incredible opportunity this weekend to attend the Beth Moore Simulcast from her new book, "Get Out of the Pit". I hadn't read the book yet, but my sister had. She really wanted me to attend this simulcast being held at her church. As her older sister, I felt some obligation to go. It's not that I don't LOVE Beth Moore, because I do...it's just that in the midst of my own wavering ambivalence, I couldn't imagine gaining anything from the experience.
How wrong I was! Thank God I was wrong. I was in a pit of apathy that was drowning out the voice of God as He reached in over and over again to rescue me. I kept choosing to slide back into this pit...until Saturday.
I know that pit is still there. I remember exactly what it looks like and feels like. I didn't hate it there...it was comfortable. It was what I had grown used to. God wants more for me! God created me for more.
He has placed my feet on solid ground and I have to choose, daily, to stand on his stable rock of redemption. I have so much to process from this experience and I imagine I will be writing more about what I learned. Suffice to say, I feel lighter by the moment and I think I'm even ready to 'slim' back down to my 'fighting weight' once and for all!