The Girls

On Days when people overwhelm me...

these are the ones that show me what REAL love is

...everyday!

Let me introduce (from left to right): Bubba and Mimi

Heart Pains

My heart is heavy.

I'm in a pretty major disagreement with my folks about a family issue.

I obviously can't share much, except to say sometimes it's hard to be the fall-guy.

Some days I don't want to be the 'bigger' one.

Some days I want to be immature and not care who I hurt.

Some days I want to be the one that doesn't just walk away, but actually speaks her mind.

Today is not that day.

Crazy Beans

Out among the vast and testosterone driven masses, lies a small...almost non-existent fantasy football league. And among these manly men, carrying their masculinity in their lists and picks...is a genteel, fairer one...who has decided to arm herself with a team for the 'girls'.

I have a friend who is a SPORTS FANATIC...and I am not using that term loosely. She knows more about Basketball, Baseball, and Football then almost any man I've met (except my 10-y.o. nephew). She decided to play along in this league and asked me to represent at the draft as she is busy, busy, busy with work!

I went. I picked...and I believe I conquered! I withstood some criticism for my selections. I read some disparaging (but not horribly so) remarks that questioned my ability to choose this team. It is done. I brought home the pigskin and fried it up in my mind!

The thing that struck me is I made my picks almost entirely based on my...come closer so the guys don't hear this...my intuition.

Don't repeat that anywhere it would kill them, because you see, I'm fairly certain my picks were just about as good as theirs. In all fairness I did look at the top performers based on the league stats, but mostly...it was my heart that sold me. My co-owner was pleased. We may have to make a couple of free-agent drafts because of early injuries...but we'll see where it all winds up at seasons end.

Yeah, there was question about our 'name' but that's a name we're also saving for a local coffee shop where we'll serve 'manic mocha's' and 'edgy espresso' one day in the not so far away future. I'm going to be a baker in the little shop (and co-owner hopefully) and we'll just visit with the locals and enjoy our free evenings...ah but I'm getting ahead of myself.

For now, it's FFB and the Crazy Beans are representin'!

Hurricane Sans Beach?

What the heck! I don't get the beach front, but I get the hurricane. What's that about.


We've had some weird weather in Oklahoma in all my combined years of residence here...but the hurricane conditions we had Sunday early a.m. where absolutely remarkable. We got about 7-8 inches of rain in about 2-3 hours and there was one point when I looked into the backyard and couldn't see the grass beneath of the water and rain.

In other news...there is this product I've been meaning to share that we've been trying since Mid-May and I just haven't done it. My apologies...cause it's a good product and one people should know about.

You'll think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

It's the Foot Flush, and it looks a little something like this:

Amazing isn't it! I'll even give you a snapshot of it in use...

The best thing about it, aside from amusement and showing all our friends and family...is it really is good for someone with back pain, or someone who can't bend over or a smaller child that can't always reach the handle. I still think the company should have a toilet lid closer attached and then it would be almost hands free for everything!

As silly as it sounds, this is one of the better products I've seen advertised and I think some people who have tried it at our home are considering purchasing one for themselves.

Well, clearly not much going on here. I did pick up some great finds this weekend at the garage sales including some cd's for twenty-five cents apiece (Christian music mostly) and one of Rob Lacey, The Word of God and he actually goes through the entire Bible in 70 minutes in 65 tracks. I've listened to it and it's pretty good. Obviously VERY condensed, but it hits the heavy points and is insightful in some areas.

I hope you're having a pleasant, hurricane free week! I guess I should count my blessings I wasn't in the eye of the storm on an island somewhere.

Full Moon?

This morning as I was leaving my home for work, our next door neighbor (the one who hasn't spoken since we moved in...after the 'fence' incident) stopped mowing and WAVED at me. I mean a big "LOOK AT ME, LOOK AT ME!" wave.

I almost wrecked. Thankfully I didn't because I would have run him over and that would NOT be good.

I waved back and immediately asked God... "What is going on Lord! This man hasn't even glanced our way in 4 1/2 years and today he makes it very clear he is WAVING to me!" It almost scared me. It definitely unnerved me.

I began to reflect on my recent frustration and angst and how I was just on the verge...and apparently God heard my cry and wants to remind me that He is still the sovereign, loving God I remember. He is the God of miracles; big and small. He is the God that desires us to love our neighbor as ourselves.

In my defense, I haven't been 'loving myself' too well lately either...so the neighbors shouldn't expect much.

Hump Day Hilarity

It's been hot-hot-hot here in our fine city. I'm not complaining...just setting a mood.

When I go home at lunch my car thermometer reads between 104-109 degrees daily. When I go home for the day it's still well into the triple digits.

It's HOT! It's the kind of hot that you literally feel on your skin as you spend more than 5 minutes outdoors. It's the kind of hot that makes the steering wheel almost too hot to touch (even with a cover). It's the kind of hot that could burn exposed legs on leather or pleather (neither of which I have to deal with). It's the kind of hot that could cook an egg on the sidewalk...or something a bit more desirable...

A group of us at work were talking about a possible experiment for these dog days of summer. I decided to go forward with the hypothesis testing. This morning I cooked chocolate chip cookies in the 'hatch back' in the rear of my car.

I just put foil on one of my 8 x 8 pans and put 6 individual cookie dough pieces on the pan. I put them in the 'auto-oven' this a.m. and just left them in there. They traveled to work... home for lunch...back to work and then come afternoon break (which ran late due to a last minute crisis-averting meeting) I went outside (sans potholder) to get them.

That pan was HOT...I had to use a plastic bag I had in my auto-oven to carry them inside. I served them to the other group participants and surprisingly they were cooked through. They were a bit chewier than oven-baked perhaps, but they were cooked! I'm thinking I could have a side business at work.

I'll include a picture...

That's the only one left. It's mine. Nope I haven't even tried it yet, because I had to get the photo. As you can see there's hardly a crumb left.

So, in conclusion...dog day afternoons = chocolate chip cookie breaks!

How's the weather in your parts?

Another Kind of Acts

Hosted by Sting My Heart

"Blessed Be Your name

When I'm found in the desert place

Though I walk through the wilderness

Blessed Be Your name..."

~ Matt Redman ~

Lyrics from "Blessed be Your Name"

I have always been an actor. I can put on faces for any occasion. I can act. Acting is a wonderful and entertaining ability. Acting is not conducive to the lifestyle of transparency to which Christ has called me. I struggle sometimes to separate the two.

I have sung this Matt Redman song on more occasions than I can count on toes and fingers and many times...in all honesty...I was acting. I see the words. I hear the words. I even sing the words. But there have been so many times when I heard myself singing these same lyrics and one of the masks would appear on my face. The mask of praise and worship. This mask hid the misunderstanding beneath. This mask hid the lack of wisdom. This mask began to fade and expose the truth.

The truth is there are days when I find it very, very difficult to sing these same lyrics. There are some days when I want nothing to do with these words. There are some days when frankly...I want nothing to do with Christianity.

These days, when I wake up to say: "Forget it God...I'm not playing this game today!" God doesn't come down and kick me out of bed. God doesn't 'guilt' me into worship. God doesn't say a thing. God waits.

God waits for me to come to Him. He waits for me to bring praise and worship...not just in words, but in attitude. THIS is the God that I gladly...even joyfully bring praise and worship to. This God that waits...quietly, assuredly, knowing my heart...He waits!

Blessed be HIS name!

Get Behind Me Satan!

No sooner were the words...We're committing to this church...out of my mouth then Satan reared his UGLY head.

I got an email on Friday a.m. from the women's pastor (AKA: New Pastor's wife) just saying 'thank you' to all the women who attended a recent gathering to blast-off the new women's ministry that would have small groups for women with similarities to help them 'connect' to other women in the church. The email went on to say they had made a decision to forgo this new endeavor as it seems to be quite a bit larger than they anticipated...perhaps? I don't really know the reasoning behind the withdrawal.

I do know I am horribly 'bummed' about it.

Yes, they will still have Bible studies (2-3 per Fall/Spring) and yes they will still have social gatherings quarterly or semi-annually, but no small groups specifically for women. They do have small groups that meet monthly for families, but trust me when I say there is a HUGE benefit to having women's small groups! Not just a benefit but almost life-sustaining for women, who are inherently relational.

My heart knows I need to trust God on this...I'm just struggling on the heels of this news, especially after sitting through the huge gathering of women and getting pumped about it. There were probably (in 2 meetings) well over 150 women ready to get started.

I'm praying God gives me some peace about the whole thing and the Bible study is enough to help me 'connect'. I'm also praying the small group we 'land in' is the best fit for us.

On the heels of this news and my own Sunday angst, I was a little less than enthused at church today. It was a good message about fears and some of it really hit me on the head/heart...and being the third David and Goliath message in 4 months, I'm wondering if God is trying to tell ME something specifically or if the "Book of Sermons" for the summer is inundated with David and Goliath material.

Lord help me maintain a positive attitude and put my WHOLE heart forward drawing on the positives from the past and ignoring the nagging voices within trying to self-defeat before we even get it started.

Signed,
A De-churched Wanderer...

30 Days Later

I'm here, I'm here!

Things are much the same. I'm working tons. I only have access to the computer at night and with the hubs and I actually getting time together...well, understandably the writing has taken a back seat.

We've been staying busy. We see at least a movie a week. None of them have been overly impressive...though I'm looking forward to the Bourne Ultimatum movie we're seeing this weekend. No Reservations was a bit of a disappointment. Live Free, Die Hard was good. Ratatouille was good...and Fantastic 4, The Silver Surfer was also surprisingly entertaining. Nothing award winning, just okay...and enough to beat the dog day afternoons of summer.

I've also been working on some stained glass I'm going to sell in a friend's shop she opened this summer. I'll include some of the pics.

I've shown the 'fruit of the spirit' piece here before...but it's one of my favorites.

The blue "Hand of God" is actually my hand.

I'm working on another sign language "I love You" and another really large piece to go above a door in her shop as a 'gift' to her for allowing me to show pieces there.

I'm also hoping to show other art work there, but we'll start with this and see how it fairs.

At homes projects are taking a back seat until fall when it's cool enough to undertake the painting and outdoor work I would like to do.

I've had to shave the dog twice in less than a month because of the ever rising temps. I guess the solid rain through early summer really spoiled us with regards to temperatures. The evening walking may be relegated to video tapes if it doesn't get any better.

Work is in flux with personnel issues and position changes...I won't bore you with the details.

And church...well after trying out several churches of different denominations we've really narrowed it down to 2 churches. Both of them are large, though one considerably larger than the other, with over 10,000 members. We decided to just focus on the very first church we visited some months ago.

We're going to North Church and trying both men's and women's functions as well as Sunday service and small groups that meet monthly. This is the church where we know a few of the families that attend. It's a good church. It's got 'good bones'. I think there are some wonderful people here..and any trepidation I'm feeling could just be from my inner-man rebelling from lack of discipline and regular Bible study.

I confess I almost reached apathy with regards to religion as whole. I never have, and I pray I never WILL lose hope in God...I just feel so challenged with CHURCH and this never-ending pulse that tells me in the words of Brian McLaren...We ARE missing the point.

And so I'll plug in and give my all (or whatever is left) and continue to pray and seek the very meaning of church and Church and CHURCH!

Is Grace Enough?

I heard one of the D.J. of a local Christian station last week on the way to work, 'slamming' a television/movie star on air. It's not important who it was. What's more important and what had me switching my station to secular music is this sense of disgust with the judgment being poured out more freely than the grace given us as Christians...the very namesake we are called to model.

Sometimes I think the 'church' does little more than just sit back in their grace-filled chapel casting out judgment and hate to the world.

There is nothing like a little effective proselytizing, eh?

This is what I hear....
Yes, Jesus loves you...IF you look and act like us!

No, they can't come in here or receive love because they don't look right or sound right...or because of what they said...or because of that tattoo...or because of their lifestyle...or because of their family...or because we are called to a higher standard!"

I find myself becoming more and more incensed by the whole scene. Not so long ago, this kind of judgment and evil nearly took down a nation. Historically we have faced this type of evil that attempts to rename itself the 'betterment of society'.

Weren't we all just one prayer away from hell?

Was grace enough?

Is grace still enough?

Just wondering...

My husband and I visited a PH church this weekend. It was probably the friendliest church we've been to yet! I would imagine over 2/3 of the congregants made their way to us to greet us and introduce themselves. We attended the early (8:30 am) service as we are both morning people and we were truly among some elders. At 30-40 we were by far the youngest there.

From what I understand from friends who have visited this church, the service is absolutely split. The late service is very contemporary and the early service...very traditional. I didn't mind the hymns and the wonderful wisdom with the congregants. The pastor was absent so we heard a youth pastor speak about David and Goliath...a good message about facing and fighting our giants. We also attended 'Sunday School' and it was a little less interactive than I would like to see...but overall it was a good experience.

Still searching and waiting for church home...

For Grandma...

I got a dreaded call this a.m. My sister called to notify me my Grandmother died last night. I believe she was going to be 95 in August...yes a long, long life she lived. I thought I'd share some of my few memories of this women who gave me my mother.

My mother is a very hard worker and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt she got this from my Grandmother. My Grandparents were a product of the depression and never lost that 'save it all' mentality. They worked very hard all their lives at farming, and my grandmother, in the 50's and 60's (before it was considered acceptable for women) worked as a maid in motels in the little towns they farmed.

My grandparents lived in Arkansas all MY life...in a small town called Mountain View. They lived in an unpretentious home, with 3 bedrooms and enough land in the back yard to raise their own food with some to spare. They also had chickens and turkeys. It always felt like we were going to visit the 'country' when we city-slickers visited from Denver.

My brother and sister and I would get so excited about getting a home grown watermelon straight off the vine in those late summer visits. We'd GET to help grandma can the green beans. To this day, my sister despises anything but home grown green beans. We'd have fresh fried okra and there would always be some kind of berry to be had. There would be vegetables and fruit to consume to your belly's content.

We never had to attempt to wring the chickens' necks for dinner but I always wondered about the excess feathers in the backyard. My mother has since told me stories of her feeble attempts to perform this task at the young age of 4 or 5 and the chicken just flopped back and forth and got down just angry as can be! We did get to go gather eggs and that was always strange too for city folks who 'gathered eggs' at the grocery story. These eggs were WARM!

Sometimes we got to go out to my uncle's farm and he had horses. Those were the best days. He also had cows and we had to attempt to milk them (not nearly as easy as it looks I might add) and then we'd ride horses til we could barely walk!

I remember my grandparents' house wasn't very kid-friendly and it seemed a bit 'cold' at times, but in retrospect I know they were a product of their own generation and the demons that chased them from the times of want and need.

On Saturday evening we'd get to go to the hootenanny (an informal or impromptu performance by folk singers, in which the audience often participates) at the town square (I'm being totally serious). It was a highlight of the week. All these farmers and small town folks would come into town and right in the center of downtown (literally 4 streets surround the courthouse) was a town square where locals sang, danced, played the fiddle, and we all drug our lawn chairs out there or blankets and sat and sang along or just visited with friends and family in town.

As we grew older the appeal to visit was less strong and I skipped some of those later visits during late high school and college. I did attend their 50th anniversary. I was amazed that two people could be married that long! My parents just celebrated their 46th this year. Seems hard to believe they too, will soon celebrate this golden anniversary.

I was not able to attend my Grandfather's funeral...many years ago now, due to schedules. Frankly funerals are not 'my thing'. I have been to only a handful in my life and would much rather attend a memorial service than a funeral. I can't bear the emotional upheaval. I will be attending this one...for my mother.

My grandmother, on more recent visits, had literally been watching a clock across from her bed and chair in her final home. She could barely hear or see anymore and though she did recognize me the times I went, she didn't always recognize my mother, in more recent visits. She did, however; show some of that spunk when people would step in front of that clock with the giant LCD display (probably 6 inches high) telling her the time was passing one minute at a time. She wanted...NEEDED clear vision of those minutes ticking by!

I see some of my grandmother in me. She is where I found the passion to read. She is where I learned a strong work ethic. In that same spirit I pray each day I better understand my mother and her uber-high expectations of each of us...because this is her heritage and we are her legacy...a legacy that was passed down from my Grandmother...may be rest in peace at last.

Speed Bumps & Potholes

Speed bumps have a way of slowing us down. Typically I see them in neighborhoods or around restaurants or schools. Sometimes they are HUGE and you really have to watch out for them or they could damage your vehicle. Sometimes they are smaller and they barely effect the traffic flow.

Potholes also slow us down; but unlike our ability to anticipate the speed bumps, potholes pop up quickly and without warning. You know when you've hit one because typically you're moving along at the speed limit (or a little above) and you feel the ground drop out from beneath a wheel (or two) and you are jarred senseless for a moment.

You can also dodge potholes. I've seen drivers nearly drive off the road in an attempt to miss the potholes that cover our city routinely. It's much harder to dodge speed bumps. I remember in one parking lot it became a challenge to try to hit the speed bumps right in the center where there was a space just wide enough for a small car to get through without going over the bump.

These two nuisances (to the average driver) remind me of our life on earth.

We hit speed bumps & potholes in life almost every day as well. Like the parking lots, the speed bumps in our life are also nearly impossible to avoid, even though we can SEE them and PLAN for them well in advance.

These are the bumps in life that are there to make us think before we act. If we don't choose to slow down, we feel the impact. It could be something as simple as the birth of a new child. You know it's going to happen (within plenty of time usually) and when it does, sometimes you are completely unprepared.

There are also the potholes...those unexpected, life-jarring moments that are sometimes painful, but you do move through them...like a small pothole of an accident or injury or a huge (seemingly insurmountable pothole) of losing someone we love.

I believe these speed bumps and potholes are part of our life to allow us time to prepare or heal. Sure you can avoid them altogether...if you never move forward, but that's not even living now...is it!

Remember to 'drive' carefully on the road AND in life!