Mind Revival

There is always lots of STUFF going on in our lives. That’s why we’re supposed to experience the journey and not skip ahead, fully relishing every lesson and experience, good AND bad.

Here’s my journey these days:

My FAVORITE women’s group “Come As You Are” (CAYA) is resuming not church-affiliated, for all women…
Work is unstable and more layoffs are coming…
My husband still amazes me with his love everyday…
Niece still refuses to move away from abusive boyfriend…
The weather is so SPRING-LIKE…
Church is just a place to go on Sunday morning…
I get to go hear an incredible Choir this weekend…
Negative Nelly (in the cubicle in front of me) has reached an all time low in negativity…
Negative Nelly reminds me to renew my mind daily…
Paint fumes at work are burning my eyes…
Our department renovations are almost complete…

I got a new CD last weekend. It’s the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, “I’ll Say Yes” (click that link to hear some of the cd) I had forgotten how incredible it is to hear 290 voices all singing together to create an absolute angelic sound. Though from what I understand the angel chorus will be something none of us has EVER even come close to experiencing.

There is a song on this cd that I use each day as part of my ‘renew your mind daily’, it’s called “I Never Lost My Praise”.

I’ll share some of the lyrics here…

I’ve lost some good friends along life’s way
Some loved ones departed in heaven to stay
But thank God I didn’t lose everything.

I’ve lost faith in people who said they cared
In the time of my crisis they were never there
But in my disappointment in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed.

I never lost my HOPE
I never lost my JOY
I never lost my FAITH
But most of all
I never lost my PRAISE!

It goes on but trust me you need to hear this song!

So I’m sitting here in my MIND REVIVAL just focusing on God’s plan that overrides everything and everybody else!

Greatest Compliment

I think I’ve mentioned I work as a supervisor and it is not a very glamorous job. I get the un-fun job of redirecting staff and resolving many a disagreement, as well as occasionally disciplining staff for various things. I’ve been able to maintain a level of ‘decency’ about it because I have had SO many NOT-SO-GREAT supervisors and I think the negative examples are far more memorable than the positive one.

To make a long story short I am able to function as a supervisor (keeping the professional distance necessary to prevent additional problems), but also really witness (through my own life) what I believe God calls us to be at work…real, broken, repentant, willing, forgiving, loving servant! If I can be this at work, I’ve done my job.

Today one of the staff people gave me the greatest compliments…she’s on another team, but I work with her daily. Today after I helped her with something she told me I’m “made of Awesome”.

Awe shucks! It made my day! Well that and over 80 degree weather!

BB Come Home

My niece (whom I call BB) has had a heck of a year. This is the same niece I've written about so many times. The niece that miscarried a baby last year. The niece that moved in with a 'not-so-loving' boyfriend. The niece that is in fairly constant pain. The niece that is a gifted poet. The niece that cares about others' more than herself.

I know she is torn about what to do and where to go. I'm just praying that she knows...to come home...is not to fail. To come home is to rest and regroup and find the love we all need when we need a 'rewind'.

BB, I'm seriously praying you take this chance and hit the rewind button and just come home.

Things I'm Not

In our Beth Moore study a week or so ago, Beth reminded us not to focus on things we’re ‘not’, rather to focus on things we are.

So of course immediately Satan has been reminding me of all the things I’m not. I thought I’d get them off my chest here and then move forward to a new focus.

I am NOT…
A size 2
Even a size 12
A published author
A successful artist
A business owner
A doctor
An architect
A comedian
A gifted singer
Queen of a nation
Perfectly Symmetrical
A Mother
A Grandmother
Perfect by any standard
Sinless

I AM forgiven and redeemed and exactly who I am supposed to be at this moment in time.

I am loved by God.

Take that Satan!

Happy President's Day

You know what I love MOST about President's Day?

A day off!

I know, I know, I should be thankful we live in a free country with democracy and so many things we take for granted.

But more than that...today...I'm thankful for a day off.

How am I spending that day?

Well...went to breakfast with the hubs...going to the doctor this morning, then to see a movie.

We've seen TONS of movies lately. Today we're seeing 'Confessions of a Shopaholic'.

Yesterday we saw, 'He's Just Not That Into You'. It was alot better than I expected and it touched me as much as it entertained me.

I saw a comment from Dawn about my new 'do' and I am going to try to post a picture of it; however, my picture dealy hasn't been working so great with my new computer. I may have to log into NON-Vista IE.

I'll give it a try and see if I can get a pic up!

Happy President's Day. Enjoy the day!

Oh My!

I did it.

I started obsessing about my sagging eyes.

It's no coincidence that this is the week of Beth Moore's "Esther" study when the focus question was: "It's tough being a woman when beauty is a treatment". We talked about Esther 2, where the most beautiful women were secluded and went through a year of beauty regimen to vie for the King's affection and ultimately a crown.

So...I started looking at my face this morning and I rarely take that close a look. I've honestly never been really vain. But I pulled that extra eyelid skin back and then the whole chin and face thing and I had to rebuke myself right then.

I am 45. I look exactly as I should at this point.

Could I make improvements?

According to the world's standard...YES!

...but honestly I think this is the ME God embraces; exactly where I am tonight.

It does help that I had my hair done and it looks awesome! I have the world's best hairstylist, who just happens to be our Pastor's lovely daughter.

I'm growing to love her and she can work miracles with hair.

I am ready to face this weekend of "love" with a good attitude and a great haircut.


Happy Valentine's Day!

A Glimpse of Her

Every once in awhile I watch her and I don’t think she knows I’m there.

She may be heading out to school or off to her first job. She’s so full of hope and a certainty that nothing can keep her from her dreams. She is full of life and speaks with assurance that her dreams will become her reality.

She wants to change the world. She wants to help make it a better place. I don’t have the heart to try to dissuade her. Who knows…maybe she’ll succeed. Maybe she’ll go further than the one before her could. Maybe she’ll make more headway then I could.

I watch her as she interacts with others. She is shy and introverted only to a point. When her passions are flamed she becomes much more outgoing and outspoken. She will NOT watch another suffer if she can help it. She is a champion of the underdog, the cheerleader of the losing team.

I watch her apply the smile each day. She smiles at what the day can become.

I watch her shed the tears each night. She cries for what the day became.

She is young and she will survive. She will take with her the wisdom of these daily lessons. She will leave behind the uncertainty of her youth. She will walk away changed.

Now as she sits at this computer writing these words, she remembers…without regret…the girl she used to be. The glimpse of her before.

Forgetful Forgiveness

God spoke to me this morning and unlike the occasionally whispering, he was very clear about what he had to tell me.

You see, prior to going to church, I pretty much told God I just wasn't sure about this whole church thing... I know, I know, same story over and over with me.

As we began worshipping, I asked God to prepare my heart to receive the message and to hear Him.

God didn't waste any time before he let me know my unforgiveness is what is holding me back in church(es). I am holding on to unforgiveness going all the way back to my first experiences in church...and some of my recent experiences as well.

I asked God to reveal it to me in His time and help me move through it and while attending a church potluck today, I actually felt at peace and had some fun...for a change. These things usually make me feel so uncomfortable, but not today.

In God timing I realized as I visited with a friend today about our personal study: "Hiding From Love", that I also had unforgiveness in an answer to questions about my 'hiding'.

Thank you God for revealing my hidden heart and helping me release and forgive and forget!

Proverbs 27:5 "Better is open rebuke, then hidden love."

Silent Night...and Day...For Days!

I started attending the new Beth Moore study on Esther last night at our church. Beth Moore does exhaust me...in a good way...and inspires me...in an even better way. Last night in the intro she talked about her own testimony and the recent experience of NOT FEELING God's presence in her life.

I have so been there very recently. Everything she spoke about I could totally relate to. In perfect Beth Moore fashion, she talked about this experience and how horrible it was to not FEEL anything or HEAR anything and wondering...where is God?

I've been wondering the same thing. The voice that absolutely rings constantly in my ears has been silent for awhile. I keep asking and praying, but I don't always hear anything back, as a matter of fact, for several weeks I heard NOTHING. It's hard not to get discouraged during these periods of silence.

What Beth pointed out and what I'm absolutely hoping for, is at the end of this time of quiet comes revival and new renewal when those Spiritual ears are blown open by the sounds of His voice once again.

Now I'm waiting in silence...

Negative Nelly

There is a woman who sits in the cubicle in front of me and she is truly one of the most negative people I've ever met. She complains about work, health, daughter-in-law, co-workers, traffic, economy, politics, religion, food, pens, computers, her sister, her mother. You name it…she complains about it.

There are some days when I can just ignore it. Some days I find myself trying to pull her to the other side of her self-dug pit. Some days I find myself inching towards the negative myself. Some days I want to build a protective SOUND-PROOF wall around my cubicle so I don’t have to hear it anymore!!!

Today is that day. I've absolutely had it up to the droplet of hairspray from the top of my head. I think about what God is showing me in my quest for gentleness in 2009. How do I deal? Do I speak up? Do I pray aloud at my desk? Do I pray silently for myself? Do I give her a verbal warning (yes, she’s one of my staff people)? Do I plug into my MP3 and forget-about-it?
At this point, 8:04 in the a.m. I’m just not on board yet!

I want to give her a good head-womp and remind her she is alive, she has a beautiful grandson, a job (in a not so secure time), a new car, clothes to wear, food to eat, family that loves her, and boss at her wits end. Not to mention the fact that she is a Christian so she has a SAVIOR who died for her! I wonder how small God is to people who find themselves wallowing in their negativity.

…oh and God wasn't kidding when He said: “We have the power of life and death on our tongues.”

This woman is a killer.

The 8th Dwarf?

I went back to work today after a two-day hiatus while I was down with strep and a staph infection. It was 'good' to be back, but it also reminds me that this job, while a blessing financially is also a HUGE drain of my energy and creativity. I just feel so 'zapped' by the end of a day.

I don't doubt that God placed me here, but I am beginning to get the urgings for something else. I don't think it's the boredom thing this time...I honestly think it's almost time for something to change in my life...something regarding vocation. Too many days I really do feel like one of the dwarf's, only I'm not singing about my work.

I'm thinking 2009 is going to be a bit more about me and what I was created to do and if that's to supervise a billing & collections department for an insurance company...I'm there...but if it's not...then I'm getting ready!

Life is too short to work somewhere longer than God intended.

2008 Year in Review

Another year has come and gone and I've been thinking about what lessons I've learned and where I'm going in 2009.

I've learned...
I am still on a journey,
Health is extremely valuable and a bit more fragile than we realize,
Family is everything...but is also self-defined,
Our jobs are not necessarily our destiny...sometimes they are a catalyst to something else,
People continue to astound and amaze me...both good and bad,
Love doesn't make the world go round'...but it does make the ride better.


I don't do resolutions because they seem to fizzle and die before the first ice melts. I do have goals for 2009.

I hope to...
Serve; somehow, somewhere,
Bring a spirit of gentleness,
quit focusing on to-do's and focus more on to-be's,
Live the questions, instead of stagnating in the answers,
Trust Jeremiah 29:11,
...and journal the experience...