I have come to the realization that I have about a 1 1/2 - 2 year shelf life when it comes to finding my 'fit' at a church. My husband and I have changed churches every couple of years and I even go into a new church proclaiming that is how long we will stay.
I spoke to pastorman this weekend about how I was feeling and he said maybe it was time to break through that 1 1/2 - 2 year burnout.
God has really been dealing with me and once again...unfortunately...in areas of pride and serving.
You see, I like to pretend I'm like Isaiah and I cry out to God to USE ME! Waiting for Him to reign me in and put me to 'good' use. Problem is this 'good' use is usually of my own desire...like getting to lead some big ministry....i.e. women's ministry in some form, or beginning a marriage study with my husband and other couples from church. God continues to stop me mid-sentence, mid-prayer and says: "My dear child, until you see that service is not about you...it's about ME, you cannot be used."
I feel the primal scream forming in the back of my throat as I try to 'convince' God that I am ready and he only has to show me the little tasks he places before me that I have ignored for bigger things for me to know He is, of course, right.
I'm trying to wrap my brain around it as I seclude myself from so many church activities for other reasons...and struggle with being where God has placed me right this moment.
I am clearly in a time of reflection and meditation and waiting...on the career He has already created me for and the service He desires. I hope I get it right before I stand before Him face to face. That would definitely be an awkward moment...for me.
This weeks challenge...be used however God desires and see where He leads. His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. But I AM the apple of His eye!