I've been on a Spiritual Journey...well...all my life, but recently the rough terrain has increased as I traverse into and among a valley of thorns and thickets. There are times it seems I have on stiletto heels in this unpleasant environment and my feet are killing me.
All women know that feeling (or lack thereof) from wearing high heels all day. Your feet ache to be on flat ground. The pain and pressure on the heel and balls of your feet burn with sheer need to relax and 'step down'. I've heard tales of comfortable high heeled shoes, but I've yet to have the funds or mindset to purchase these legendary shoes. I'm middle-class and a bit cheap when it comes to clothing and shoe purchases. I suppose this is a downside to being a garage sale addict. I can't justify paying over $20.00 for a pair of shoes an definitely not in the hundreds of dollars.
Wow...I got off track there for a bit. My apologies, apparently that's a 'soft spot' for me. Anyway...this spiritual journey has felt much like walking in high heels for hours on end. You can't take them off and go barefoot because of the sticker patches. It's that moment when I step on that first sticker that it dawns on me that I'm definitely in the valley.
I suppose God has these sticker patches to protect the plant and also to remind us to watch where we're walking. When I think about the need for athletic shoes or comfortable hiking shoes during this journey I think about the things that bring the most comfort...the basic things I keep forgetting to take along the way.
I forget to take my Bible many days. I forget to take my sweet memories. I forget to take the words to God in prayer. I forget to take the headset that allows me to hear from God...and blocks the noise pollution along the way. I forget to take the Scripture to battle the enemy along the way.
If I were completely honest I would tell you I'm struggling with religion. I just cannot get my mind and heart wrapped around organized religion (in our churches) as the way God intended it. I still long for a home-church environment; a gathering place where Jesus, God and the Bible are a conversation...not a lecture. I long for absolute and complete intimacy with God through Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit. I long to feel and fuel the fire placed in me when I was 13 years old. I'm sick of hypocrisy and false prophets. I am sick to death of Sunday Morning Christians and I just can't do it anymore. I can't play church and continue to feel absolutely nothing.
Okay...I guess that just about says it all. And so, the journey continues...