How I wish I could say it was a beautiful wonderful holiday. How I wish I could pull stories and tales of the wonder of my niece and nephew as they opened their gifts or my sister seeing outside the pain of her own holiday torment. I wish I could say it was restful and relaxing and full of photo-ready moments.
All I can say is: I’m glad it’s over. Between one over-tired child, one self-focused teenager, one emotionally detached sister and father, one over-worked husband, completely under-recognized Jesus and then my grandmother having a stroke (or so they thought)…I’m just glad it’s over.
My sister rushed home by 10 a.m. to spend Christmas afternoon with her estranged husband…my parents rushed away by noon to drive five hours away to be by Grandma’s side…my husband had to work yet another holiday shift at his short-term job, and I’m sitting in front of a computer feeling such let-down.
I don’t think I can do it again. That must be why Christmas only comes once a year. I already told Paul I would prefer to go on a vacation next Christmas and just do it alone…just the two of us somewhere away…no presents, no muss, no fuss, just rest, sight-seeing and wrapped in love and joy.
Remember how we learn the life lesson not to have EXPECTATIONS or we’ll always be let down? That’s my problem. I have HUGE expectations about the beauty of this favorite holiday of mine. Unfortunately others don’t feel the way I do. Honestly, not much gives me more joy than to find that one perfect little something for each person I love. I love to see each person receive it with such surprise and joy.
That just isn’t what happened…
It has been a rough few days. I was talking to my wonderful husband and the best way I could describe it was akin to a balloon deflating. I’m sitting here calling on Jesus to let me feel that mist of Grace that overlays and erases the dust and debris of humanness. I’m hopeful for a new year and all the upcoming changes. I’m hopeful that with rest and renewal a new day will dawn and once again I’ll feel the joy of this season.