I’m up early and didn’t sleep well last night. I know its God. I know how He works with me. I know how He nudges. I recognize His voice in my dreams. I recognize His hand as He pushes me.
Yesterday was also restless. Actually I’ve been restless for awhile now. Ironically, my husband is reading “The Rest of God” and as he read me a passage from his current chapter yesterday it gave me a bit of peace I’ve been lacking lately.
We met with our pastor yesterday. We have decided we must change churches. This was not a decision easily reached, particularly for me. My husband, as a new Christian (within the last five years) has been to three churches, all very different. I keep telling him what it is I need and what I believe church should be…I’m just not sure it exists. As I reflect, I also believe this is one of the reasons I ‘de-churched’ initially, so many years ago.
I love our current church. I have loved serving there. As a ‘start-up’ church there are always challenges, but nothing too great for God. We just came to the conclusion that the theology was not in line with what we believe. It became an insurmountable obstacle. I quit going altogether as my husband continued with his service commitments.
I’m not completely clueless; I know there is no ‘perfect church’ this side of heaven. I’m just not completely convinced I can realistically ‘do church’ this side of heaven. I KNOW this is what God wants…church; community, relationship, service, etc. I just don’t know if the organization of CHURCH is what He intended.
I want to thank each of you for the input from my last post. I won’t bore you with all the details. I honestly just wanted to say that this is a very difficult place to be right now. I also want to assure my local ‘readers’ whom I went to church with, that I don’t have any ill-will towards this church or anyone in it. I received an email that reflected something I did not intend. I pray there is forgiveness and perhaps some understanding after this post.
The bottom line is I cannot align my beliefs with the pulpit and it would be unfair to all of us to continue in this position. My prayer is that this church grows and continues its Missional desires and that the people reached feel the incredible love we did.
As I reflect and try to keep from being swallowed by feelings of ‘flunking church’, I realize that just like in each of my personal ‘stone of remembrance’…we take with us so much from this experience and that is what I have to CHOOSE to think on as we set out to find a new church home.
More importantly I will remember:
He is to come!
Prayers of Godly guidance and peace are welcome.