Missing the Point

I was answering a questionnaire about blogging yesterday which I believe turns out to be a bit of a marketing hoax, but it did get me thinking about some things I’ve left lying dormant in my mind for some time as I coasted along the past few years.

I’ve read a series of books by Brian McLaren, an insightful, if not a bit non-conforming and definitely unconventional type pastor/author. One of his books is about ‘missing the point’ of Christianity ultimately. I have to say this applies not only to Christianity and churches, but also to individuals and even more rampant in an age of technological advances to the point of completely missing the point.

Let me just share some examples…

1. Where I work we have automated process that we are STRONGLY encouraged to use, that sometimes take longer to utilize than our manual processes. We’re still supposed to use them. Hmmm…interesting.

2. Almost ALWAYS, when I see people hanging out together…one or both of them are connected to their blue-tooth, I-Phone or whatever other gadget they have to get lost or distracted in. So ultimately this says to me, I’m not important enough to have your sole attention?

3. At church it often feels like if the media doesn’t run correctly; a mic goes out, or a nursery worker ‘no-shows’ the service cannot continue.

4. I’ve observed pastors’ preach about friendship while they have a security guard ushering them around…during church.

5. I’ve observed pastors’ preach about love and then flip off the middle-east…during service.

Somehow we’re missing the point. I was given a great opportunity this week about this very thing in my own life. Obviously I’m not exempt. I’ve shared often about my battle with road rage and how I’ll be worshipping God in my car and cursing a bad driver (or what I’ve deemed a bad driver) while singing! Thankfully that’s not what God ‘caught’ me at this week.

This week, I found out something my husband didn’t tell me about that happened last year. It’s not something that will hurt our marriage, but it was definitely something that made me stop and question his motive and his integrity. When I realized his motive was his self-protection (from ME), it dawned on me I may be part of the problem. Then God told me (in prayer) I had to forgive him and move on, I realized this is an opportunity. I can either; stay angry and risk further damage, or I can forgive and move on like God asked me to.

Oh it’s hard…but I’m trying. I love my husband so very much and I know he has our very best interest at heart and frankly I haven’t always made the best decisions either…so who am I to decide that his offense is worse than mine. I don’t want to say I forgive someone and just keep bringing it up again and again. I really don’t want to miss the point.

Much of my blogging quest is ‘seeking truth’ both through questioning my own truths and being challenged by others’. And so the quest continues…

Messages from God

I woke up with a song in my mind and soon on my lips. So I started singing this song, which if you know me at all, you KNOW I am not a ‘singing first thing in the morning’ kind of girl. I am not really a morning person at all and I will often times just nod when asked questions instead of verbalizing anything until I’ve been up for 30 minutes or so.

At first I thought perhaps I had been drugged and was being forced to sing, but soon realized as I tried to recall the lyrics and sing them over and over again…this must be a message from God! Only God would speak to me in a song, through a book, or any other number of random ways He often chooses to speak to me. Mostly so when you try to explain it to another rational human being they give you that look like… ‘are you on some sort of medication, or are you being FORCED to say this?’

So I finish getting ready and hop in my car (hopping anywhere is another very uncharacteristic thing for me), which I wrote off as just SPRING Fever and enjoying the 80+ temps forecasted for today, and as soon as I hit my station button on the radio, guess what song came on…yep, the same one I had been singing. It’s a Johnny Diaz song called “There Could Never Be a More Beautiful You.”

Clearly God wants to say something to me. Other times when these types of messages continue to bombard me, or in this case…replay, I pray and just ask God what it is He wants me to take from this. This morning I prayed and this is what He told me:

“Child I know your past and your future and I love you through it all. I want you to know you are beautiful! I know this because you are the essence of the beauty I placed in you. You ARE beautiful! Speak it! Live it! Soak it up! BE beautiful!”

“But God that seems somewhat prideful.”

“Only if you think YOU did it. I created you in my image so your recognition of the beauty I placed in you, is a form of worship to me. You don’t have to go around touting your beauty or trying to be beautiful compared to others, just live in the beauty that is the you I created.”

So I listened to the song and had my chat with God and some of the junk that had been filling up my spirit cleared out as I worshipped God with my whole self this morning. God…I love Him!

…so have a beautiful, sing-song day as we bask in His incredible creation…yes even the you HE created!

Hybernating in Spring

The hubs and I watched movies this weekend with the spring snow-storm that came our way. Here was our line-up and rating:

Post-Grad - D-
Precious - B-
Couples Retreat - D
Up in the Air - A-

Post-Grad was a snooze-fest. We literally started watching Friday evening and became so disenchanted we turned it off around 11pm and opted for some Criminal Minds repeats instead. Finally watched the remainder on Saturday and it was one of the worst films I’ve seen this year. It could have been good, but Michael Keaton was horrible in his ‘incomplete character’ role and even Carol Burnett could do nothing to save the film.

Precious was next and thankfully I had read the book and was semi-prepared for the film. They stayed fairly true to the way the book was written (the essence of the characters’ experiences were not lost). Monique absolutely deserved an award for her role of the Mother and the role of Precious was also excellent. Surprisingly even Mariah Carey was believable in her Social Worker role. The grade I assigned this film was because I felt it did drag in places and it seemed to end fairly abruptly without any transition.

Couples Retreat was also a disappointment. This is one of those films where the best parts of it are seen during the previews. Certainly there were some ‘funny’ moments and it ended well, but it was just a bit slow and sort of depressing through much of the film.

Up in the Air was the final film we watched and thankfully that redeemed the whole experience a bit. It was really a great film. It wasn’t ultra-heavy or deep, but it definitely had moments of excellence and I learned something from the film. It made me think about my ‘back pack’ and all the junk I lug around everywhere I go, both literally and figuratively.

It reminded me of a post I once did about taking my ‘junk’ to the cross and then taking it with me when I left. It reminded me that life is more than what our occupation is. It reminded me that sometimes we forget what our passion was and ‘settle’ and life is supposed to be more than just settling.

Here’s to an ‘unsettled’ Monday! LOL

Spring Break?

Yesterday as the snow fell...YES I said snow...I dreamed of those long-gone college days and that time of year when you didn't think you could take one more lecture, pop-quiz or another blue-book exam when all you really wanted to do was step outside into the sunshine and soak up the rays as you dreamed of being done with school altogether! I wanted a SPRING BREAK! I get spring fever bad! I am a summer person and love the sun and heat, heat, heat.

My boss recommended I go to a tanning booth. She said that it would help fulfill this sun-craving I've had. I still haven't done that because frankly I'd feel goofy going in for a one time visit of pseudo-sunshine (via tanning-bulbs), but maybe I should.

El Nino' or El Nina, whichever, has been stomping us for the past year and I'm so over it. I honestly think I'm starting to experience some of that SAD (seasonal affective disorder) and just really need some time outside in the sun.

So today the sun is shining and while there is still snow on the roads (for now), I do intend to step outside, maybe take a walk or even a drive to feel the sun rays on my face and dream of spring breaks gone by.


...Lord, let the sunshine hang out for awhile and let us see the wonder of spring through your creation...pretty please?

Trust

Someone at work found this quote that we cannot find the source, but that absolutely spoke to me. As you can see if you read here very much I love words and words that are designed to inspire...even more!

This is helping me over a hump right now that I'm not quite ready to share about, but that is chipping away at a wall and some 'soul-scabs' I've had for some time.

"Trust: Belief in & reliance upon the integrity & ability of each other."

I'm struggling a bit with my faith and Anne Lamott helped make it a bit more 'real' for me and also made me realize that I am not alone in my quest for wisdom and TRUTH. The idea of trust has been warped for a bit and while I know it's within me to trust, I also know I have to be careful in whom I put that precious trust.

Hopeful

I heard this quote last week at the end of an episode of Criminal Minds. They have quotes at the beginning and/or end of each episode and this one really spoke to me. It’s a section of a poem by Emily Dickinson.

“Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all.”

By the end of last week I was ready for a reprieve and found it in this quote. Then after hearing this, serendipitously I also resumed reading a book I had ‘put away’ some time ago as I just couldn’t get into it. Now I can totally get ‘into it’ and it is food for this ravaged soul.

I am reading Anne Lamott’s “Plan B Further Thoughts on Faith”. If you haven’t read any of Anne Lamott’s books you have no idea what you’re missing. She writes with such raw honesty and it has helped me to know that where I am is just that…where I am right now. No excuses or apologies, I am exactly where God has me right now.

That said I am HOPEFUL that the ‘thing with feathers perched in my soul…’ is alive and kicking and ready to tackle whatever comes our way.

A WIld Ride

It's been one heckuva a week. Some UPS and some ditch digging DOWNS. Here it is in a nutshell...

Started the beginning of a nasty (but quick) cold on Sunday.
One of my long-term friends 'breaks up with me' stating she doesn't really know me at all.

Hubs left Monday for a business trip.
Stayed home sick with this quick-cold and heartbreak on Monday.

Tuesday work was BUSY (they saved the work for my return).
Employee I supervise goes a little ballistic about no raise/bonus for the year due to performance.
Found out I was getting a nice bonus/raise for the year.

Wednesday same ballistic employee leaves early threatening to kill self and me.
Employee is contacted by HR and police, now in the hospital.
Another friends tells me she will not 'break up' with me and not to take it personal that other friend did.


Thursday I have security walking me to and from car at work during the day.
Hurray! Husband comes home from business trip and nice dinner together.
Resting and relaxing and thinking about how things went so horribly wrong with employee.
Hoping and praying she is getting rest and relaxation and medication???

Friday is just around the corner and trying to figure out what I'm 'Passionate' about at work so I can use that for team building.


Rest....sleep....renewal....

Emotional Pain

...is that place in the very core of our heart...where we just know what we're going through is going to absolutely destroy us one tear at a time.

Foiled Again

My hairdresser has been 'unavailable' lately and so I found myself going grey much faster and more dramatically than I ever intended. Add to that...lo' and behold my drivers license expires next week.

EMERGENCY HAIR INTERVENTION needed!!! I had talked to a couple of ladies that had used one of our local hair schools with some success and I'm notorious for waiting too long to try to get an appointment with a 'graduate' who actually works in a SALON...and I was desperate so I decided to go to 'said' school and try it out. The issue with these schools is you can't really 'schedule' an appointment with someone you get referred to. You show up, put your name on the list and wait for the 'next available stylist/student'.

So after my 7 mile training walk on Saturday morning, I headed over to the school, put my name on the list and indicated what services I wanted and waited.

While I waited, I watched the stylists that I could see from the lobby. As always I looked at their hair. I don't know why, really. They probably didn't DO their OWN hair. But who has the nerve to ask: "Who did you hair? That's who I want to see today."

So I wait for awhile and just watched and looked around. It seemed everywhere I looked there was foil, foil, and more foil. There was more foil than a Tin Man convention. It was crazy! Plus, these are students so there is A LOT of foil. Both on heads and on the floor.

I get called back (around 11ish) and the first thing the student/stylist asks me is what I want done so I proceed to tell her the most important thing is cover the grey and then just highlight/low light the rest of it. She brings the instructor over to discuss my decision and then goes to 'mix' the potion.

She was a nice young lady and we had a great time visiting and she even turned my chair out towards the center of the room so I could continue to 'people/hair' watch. As she's 'foiling' my hair I asked her what the worst part of school is and she tells me: "Working with grey hair." I think my eyes just grew three times larger. She then proceeded to tell me she is still trying to figure it out. I tried to encourage her by telling her even my 'seasoned' stylist doesn't get them ALL covered, just do the best you can.

She complied. I sat in that chair being 'foiled' for 2 hours at least. At one point I thought I was going to pass out and I literally had to put my foil-covered head between my legs. I recovered after drinking the rest of my lukewarm water and endured the remainder of the foiling. I would wager to guess there were over 75 foils on my head. The most I had ever had was probably 20-25. Granted I have a lot of hair (and this student/stylist didn't hesitate to let me know that). I think I was assisting with the local radio stations' increased frequency that day.

About 2 additional hours later (yes 4 total) I had my hair colored, cut, dried, straightened, textured and $38.50 later I'm out the door. Yep, that's right...only $38.50 (plus tip of course). The tips are all these girls make. My regular stylist charges me between $120-$140, so this is really a steal. Is it the caliber of my regular stylists? Probably not, but for that price I'm willing to be a guinea pig and go in with that mantra: "it's not that bad. Hair grows!"

The other thing the whole process reminded me of was from the recent study of Esther I did when the women spend all those months preparing themselves to be presented to the King and they endure all these beauty treatments. I'll bet they wish they had foil back then. The things we do for beauty!

The Heart of It All

It seemed a fitting title with Hallmark’s big holiday upon us.

I’ve thought a lot about what I wrote about skipping church and read and pondered the comments.

A part of me feels half submerged in a post-modern society. I've read many of the books but on some level it seems as though it's either too inclusive or too ambivalent. Whichever the case, the more I read about postmodernism the more uncertain I become about my role and the role of my church (should I find MY church).

The other half of me feels the pain of the traditional church of my childhood. During that time I was discouraged from asking questions about anything related to church or my beliefs and some of that pain and pride hangs out on my shoulders when I walk through the church doors or when there is hesitation or a strange look at some of the questions I have.

The hardest thing for me is the expectations. I think rather than setting my expectations too high, I go in expecting the worst and then I become detached when I find it. It reminds me of Scripture about setting my mind on the 'good' things and so many lessons I've had on renewing my mind.

I obviously don't have the answers and I obviously need to clear my mind and take the 'no expectations' route but this has proven much more difficult than I could imagine. Especially given my history in this area. I think I can take a certain amount of pain and indifference before I just don't want to 'play' anymore.

There is a quote about how thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character "When you are all alone, no one is observing you. The thoughts that are taking place in your mind is the blue-print of your character." I am concerned about the church-apathy infecting my character, but even more concerned by the church without legs.

The question at the pulse of MY church is asking: Why does the world continue to reject Christ? What are they seeing in ME that repels them from eternal life? and the question becomes the verb that propels the Church! Could it be the Bible is right...our evangelism is only as strong as what's inside each of us? And they will know we are Christians by our love?

I WANT to love you, but I don't know how.

Happy Valentine's Day: may love be the real reason for the season!

Skipping Church...Again

I skipped church this morning...again. I'm getting to where I only show 2 weeks a month.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me or why I don't want to go...well I know some of it, but it's the same old, same old.

What makes it even harder is we have become closer with our worship leaders and I know it hurts my friend when I'm not there and somehow that isn't even enough to get me through those doors each week.

It's not that I don't LIKE it. It's just the hunger is gone. The desire is gone. The purpose seems lacking.

Add to that, people are leaving church because they are either embarrassed by stuff they are going through or they feel 'judged'. My problem with that is church SHOULD be the one place we can be completely transparent and receive grace and forgiveness offered to us by our Father.

Sometimes I feel like the whole purpose of church (or the churches we've attended) is so skewed towards 'growth' that everything else becomes secondary. Sure there is always the push for help in the children's ministry or assistance in maintaining the building, but in terms of real fellowship and belonging, it just doesn't seem to be working. At first I thought it was because I was always so drawn to 'start-up' churches, but now I think there's more to it. We've been to churches that are well established and it still feels very fragmented, almost fractured.

Then I find myself making excuses. Sort of like when you break up with someone you weren't 'in love with'. See if this sounds familiar.

"It's not you, it's me."

That's what I think I'm saying to church right now. "I like you as a friend, but just not in 'that' way."

Now where do I go from here?

Just wondering...

Blanket

disclaimer: This is in no way related to Michael Jackson's baby.


At church this weekend the pastor was talking about the beauty of the blanket of snow covering our land right now. He talked about how this snow is to serve as a reminder of how Jesus’ blood purified us making us ‘white as snow’.

Well I can assure you with the exception of the first hours of silent snow falling; NONE of that snow is white. It’s that grey drab dingy snow, nothing pure about it. It’s been walked on, driven on, animals have used it…it’s NOT clean.

Of course as I began to ponder the snow and it’s discoloring God began to speak.

He told me that the blanket becomes dirty and drab because of our own choices. Just like a car pollutes the snow, our lives pollute this blanket we’ve been given.

It doesn’t come across nearly so profound as it did when I heard him whisper it to me on Sunday, but it does remind me today and hopefully in the coming days as we endure the ‘melting phase’ yet again, to take care of that gift from Jesus and to cherish that cleansing and to live my life as a living sacrifice not to the world, but to Him.

Ironically…or not, today’s Scripture on my calendar is: I Corinthians 6:19

"Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you and was given to you by God. You do not belong to yourself for God bought you with a high price so you must honor God with your body.”

Another one of those reminders that it’s not just the outside, but the inside too! Sounds like it could be a cleansing week for me.


In other news…I read that there is a group of activists strongly opposing waking the groundhog to check for his shadow, as these animals are supposed to hibernate from early November through March.

Apparently Punxsutawney Phil’s handler has stated that this hibernation is not like “Sleeping Beauty”. The animals still get up and eat.

In any event there is some talk about using a computerized model of “Phil” and then some say he hasn’t been that accurate over the past few years anyway, so perhaps he’s not that good an indicator…YOU THINK!

I think I’ll stick to the Farmer’s Almanac who predicted a ‘wetter than normal’ winter for us and lo’ and behold, those Farmers are right on track!