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Can You Hear Me Now?

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Skipping Church...Again

I skipped church this morning...again. I'm getting to where I only show 2 weeks a month.

I'm not sure what's wrong with me or why I don't want to go...well I know some of it, but it's the same old, same old.

What makes it even harder is we have become closer with our worship leaders and I know it hurts my friend when I'm not there and somehow that isn't even enough to get me through those doors each week.

It's not that I don't LIKE it. It's just the hunger is gone. The desire is gone. The purpose seems lacking.

Add to that, people are leaving church because they are either embarrassed by stuff they are going through or they feel 'judged'. My problem with that is church SHOULD be the one place we can be completely transparent and receive grace and forgiveness offered to us by our Father.

Sometimes I feel like the whole purpose of church (or the churches we've attended) is so skewed towards 'growth' that everything else becomes secondary. Sure there is always the push for help in the children's ministry or assistance in maintaining the building, but in terms of real fellowship and belonging, it just doesn't seem to be working. At first I thought it was because I was always so drawn to 'start-up' churches, but now I think there's more to it. We've been to churches that are well established and it still feels very fragmented, almost fractured.

Then I find myself making excuses. Sort of like when you break up with someone you weren't 'in love with'. See if this sounds familiar.

"It's not you, it's me."

That's what I think I'm saying to church right now. "I like you as a friend, but just not in 'that' way."

Now where do I go from here?

Just wondering...


Tami Boesiger said...

As a pastor's wife, I cringe when I read comments like this.

Can I ask how involved you are in your church? Do you give people a reason to miss you when you're not there?

I'm not trying to say it's your own fault, just wanting to get an idea of where you're at. I hear women say all the time they don't feel connected. It's a huge problem I struggle to find a solution to. Any light you could shed for me would be much appreciated.

thefatblaster said...

I think you're realizing that church is a business, too.

Mark Lim Teng Lye said...

Hi Kpjara,
Thank you for frank and sincere sharing about not attending church. I randomly stumbled on your blog and find this post enlightening.

What I read from your blog is no different from my church, which is on the other side of globe. I fully agree with you that Church should be one place we can be completely transparent, receive grace and forgiveness. (I am one who doesn't believe in wearing "mask" to church).

Be yourself and soon others will be transparent to you also.

Agape! :)

Phoenix said...

Wow. I feel exactly how you do. I'm starting to feel the "church" as we know it is dying. I keep finding glimpses of it, of an amazing brotherhood between people striving for the same thing. But it keeps slipping away from me no matter how hard I try to keep a hold of it.
I stopped going to my church a while ago, except for the days I previously volunteered to work at it. I felt as if it was dead and meaningless. All words I had heard before, nothing new, nothing... challenging or stimulating. I felt more of a connection with God outside of the "church" walls. I don't think God is restricted to one place, find him where you can. Forget the traditions and where you have been told to find him. Find him on your own in your own places and times. Keep seeking him and you will find him :)

Edward Quist said...

Wow that was a beautiful post. I remember feeling that way before.
Now I only go to church for me and to build my personal relationship with my Father in heaven.

Ask him he wants to speak to you and have a relationship.

PraiseJunky said...

I think you are expressing exactly what so many of think from time to time. God is not put off or upset at our questions. Sometimes I think He likes it when we don't understand because we are more likely to come to Him and ask.

I have found that if you look at church as an extension of your walk with God then it puts a new perspective on it. What can you do to make it better? What can you do to make it a place you want to be? A place you would invite others.

Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Faith is a funny thing - it seems to come in waves with me so I do kinda understand what you mean

kpjara said...

Tami, I am involved in church to an extent but have had a much harder time committing because it seems I'm trying to fit their needs, rather than focusing on what God has asked me to do. I am more careful now (after a history of OVER-volunteering) with what I take on and try to seek God's guidance about everything.

The only light I can shed on disconnect or lack of any connect is each woman is different but we are all alike in one way...we desire relationships. If the church can start there I believe commection will follow. The effective women's group I belong to is about relationship first, then the desire to serve and invite and grow, etc. come naturally. At least from what I've seen.

Staying Young in 2010 said...

Hi - I have been were you are. I got really involved in a church, met my husband there. I really thought after growing up religious and being abused by an older brother that church wasn't worth it. Then I met friends at this one church that I thought were real, helped me understand God and what he was really about. Then 10 years in to it, everything changed. The church started to have problems, and alot of things were brought out.

I am now at a point were religion is just that- religion. It means nothing to me, God is what you make him out to be, he's real - but every religion has their own perspective of who he is.

Hang in there and follow your heart - you know what is right! If it doesn't feel right anymore, than something isn't right. Belieive in yourself and what you feel.

Tami Boesiger said...

Hey, Kim, I'm still pondering this. This is so prevalent. There must be a way to address it. I just don't know how.

How can the church supply connection for people? It can provide the opportunities, but cannot force people to click. What do you see as the church missing the mark? What does it need to do better?

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