I skipped church this morning...again. I'm getting to where I only show 2 weeks a month.
I'm not sure what's wrong with me or why I don't want to go...well I know some of it, but it's the same old, same old.
What makes it even harder is we have become closer with our worship leaders and I know it hurts my friend when I'm not there and somehow that isn't even enough to get me through those doors each week.
It's not that I don't LIKE it. It's just the hunger is gone. The desire is gone. The purpose seems lacking.
Add to that, people are leaving church because they are either embarrassed by stuff they are going through or they feel 'judged'. My problem with that is church SHOULD be the one place we can be completely transparent and receive grace and forgiveness offered to us by our Father.
Sometimes I feel like the whole purpose of church (or the churches we've attended) is so skewed towards 'growth' that everything else becomes secondary. Sure there is always the push for help in the children's ministry or assistance in maintaining the building, but in terms of real fellowship and belonging, it just doesn't seem to be working. At first I thought it was because I was always so drawn to 'start-up' churches, but now I think there's more to it. We've been to churches that are well established and it still feels very fragmented, almost fractured.
Then I find myself making excuses. Sort of like when you break up with someone you weren't 'in love with'. See if this sounds familiar.
"It's not you, it's me."
That's what I think I'm saying to church right now. "I like you as a friend, but just not in 'that' way."
Now where do I go from here?