Paul’s Grandma Dora passed away yesterday after a long illness. She is survived by her husband, 6 children, 15 grandchildren (I’m pretty certain), 1 sister, numerous nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. She was home with her husband and son when she slipped away.
Grandma Dora was truly the originally explorer! I don’t know ALL about her life because I entered it at a much later stage and while there are many stories, not all of them have been shared.
The one and most important story (at least to me) is when my husband was born (about 2-3 months prematurely). Paul’s mom and dady were returning from Guam. The flight landed in LA they went to the hospital and he was born and not long after, Paul’s mom had to relocate to TX with Paul’s dad and was unable to stay at the hospital. Grandma Dora would come to the hospital and visit and hold baby Paul every day at the hospital, until his mom could come back. I think that one thing helped ensure Paul’s survival and a deep relationship with this Grandmother.
When I met Grandma Dora, it was love at first meeting. She was the most loving, kind, open woman I think I’d ever met. You see it was not always easy being ‘the white girl’ in this LARGE Hispanic family. There are many traditions and some family members felt strong that the blood line should remain Hispanic.
Not so with Grandma Dora.
I don’t know if she saw how much I loved her grandson immediately, or if she just loved ME so much she couldn’t help but try to keep me…LOL! IN any event she flat out told Paul, I was a keeper and he better not lose me…He didn’t.
Grandma Dora used to come to Albuquerque to visit every year and I loved these visits. We made it out to LA once and visited with them and the best word I can use to describe it was…serene. It probably sounds strange for LA, but it really was peaceful and Grandma Dora was the picture of serenity.
She was a woman of faith and family. She loved her kids fiercely…all of them. She would have done anything for any of them. She also loved the Lord with her whole heart and trusted Him with strong faith.
I know she’s dancing with her Father God in fields of grace now and without pain and suffering.
I thank God for her life and for her part in my life.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Teeth Minus Two
No…I didn’t say “T” minus 2…I said Teeth minus 2. I had a tooth pulled this weekend and as it turned out I had to have essentially 2 pulled.
I had broken a tooth a few months ago and had been trying to work up the nerve and money to go to the dentist and have it repaired. I never could come up with the $1500 out of pocket expense so I was mulling over a decision to just have it pulled. Suffice to say I’ve had some back experiences and ‘bad luck’ with my teeth…and dentists. I think I may be in a bad gene pool for teeth!
The exposed nerve was causing me so much pain for the past three weeks that I finally broke down and went to the Dental Depot close to my home on Saturday (after I went to the requisite garage sales) and sat waiting for the ‘death of #16’. The hubs was with me or I probably would have left after the hour wait. Eventually I proceed on back to the x-ray machine then to the chair for MORE x-rays (the uncomfortable, gag-reflex-inducing ones) and another wait.
The dentist popped in to shake my hand and fight his case for the root canal/repair job, and I said only that it wasn’t in my budget at this point. I think his eyes visibly narrowed and his friendly handshake became a vice like grip as he said… “I understand.”
Why do they lie? He has NO IDEA about dental costs, because I’m quite certain he gets his services free. In any event, the request was made, the dentist left and I waited another hour for the ‘finance’ person to come explain my exit cost as I prayed that my nephew would choose a dental career so the family could reduce these expenses and wait time.
The finance lady came in and explained how much it would be, apologized for the wait. She asked if I was having nitrous and I explained I usually just get shots. She just told me if I wanted to it would be an additionally $45.00.
Then one of the dental assistants came by and stuck some NASTY tasting swabs in my mouth to help deaden it for the upcoming shots. I guess my lack of budget for the root canal/crown resulted in removal from the nitrous oxide program. Then ANOTHER dental hygienist came in and sang to me while she gave me several extremely painful shots. I had scooted almost to the bottom of the chair as she just sang and said… “This is going to sting a little bit.”
By now the train has rolled round…oh about 483 times and I’m so OVER the whole train on the track and I just want to go home and pretend I’m just fine!
But eventually the pain subsided and I didn’t feel the final plunge of the needle as it dug into my jaw line and everything from mid-lip to my EAR went numb. I’ve never had an ear go numb and initially I wondered if that was a problem.
Finally the doctor came in and easily extracted a root and remaining tooth from the bottom tooth that was a ‘failed’ repair from years past and then started working on this pesky molar on top. He pulled and pulled and dug and dug and pulled some more…then he said ‘Hmm, I think we’re going to have to cut this one out.’
“WHAT?????????????” I said internally? This is where I’m thinking, “If this sucker wants to stay in that bad…leave it.” Of course there’s no sharing because they’ve got the bite block in and my mouth is filled with hands and needles and apparently scalpels.
Another 10 minutes and I’m sewn up, filled with gauze and headed out to the ‘finance lady’ to pay my $100.00 bucks. I remember to ask about my prescriptions, which they don’t hand over until AFTER they run your debit card, I might add.
I went to the lobby asked the husband to take me home and go fill the pain prescription. I tell my husband as we’re leaving…well at least my deductible is met now. I also said I would do whatever is necessary to keep from EVER experiencing that again.
…and so 6 pain killers later…lesson learned is…remember to floss daily! And to save for any extra dental work!
Is it Monday already?
I had broken a tooth a few months ago and had been trying to work up the nerve and money to go to the dentist and have it repaired. I never could come up with the $1500 out of pocket expense so I was mulling over a decision to just have it pulled. Suffice to say I’ve had some back experiences and ‘bad luck’ with my teeth…and dentists. I think I may be in a bad gene pool for teeth!
The exposed nerve was causing me so much pain for the past three weeks that I finally broke down and went to the Dental Depot close to my home on Saturday (after I went to the requisite garage sales) and sat waiting for the ‘death of #16’. The hubs was with me or I probably would have left after the hour wait. Eventually I proceed on back to the x-ray machine then to the chair for MORE x-rays (the uncomfortable, gag-reflex-inducing ones) and another wait.
The dentist popped in to shake my hand and fight his case for the root canal/repair job, and I said only that it wasn’t in my budget at this point. I think his eyes visibly narrowed and his friendly handshake became a vice like grip as he said… “I understand.”
Why do they lie? He has NO IDEA about dental costs, because I’m quite certain he gets his services free. In any event, the request was made, the dentist left and I waited another hour for the ‘finance’ person to come explain my exit cost as I prayed that my nephew would choose a dental career so the family could reduce these expenses and wait time.
The finance lady came in and explained how much it would be, apologized for the wait. She asked if I was having nitrous and I explained I usually just get shots. She just told me if I wanted to it would be an additionally $45.00.
Then one of the dental assistants came by and stuck some NASTY tasting swabs in my mouth to help deaden it for the upcoming shots. I guess my lack of budget for the root canal/crown resulted in removal from the nitrous oxide program. Then ANOTHER dental hygienist came in and sang to me while she gave me several extremely painful shots. I had scooted almost to the bottom of the chair as she just sang and said… “This is going to sting a little bit.”
By now the train has rolled round…oh about 483 times and I’m so OVER the whole train on the track and I just want to go home and pretend I’m just fine!
But eventually the pain subsided and I didn’t feel the final plunge of the needle as it dug into my jaw line and everything from mid-lip to my EAR went numb. I’ve never had an ear go numb and initially I wondered if that was a problem.
Finally the doctor came in and easily extracted a root and remaining tooth from the bottom tooth that was a ‘failed’ repair from years past and then started working on this pesky molar on top. He pulled and pulled and dug and dug and pulled some more…then he said ‘Hmm, I think we’re going to have to cut this one out.’
“WHAT?????????????” I said internally? This is where I’m thinking, “If this sucker wants to stay in that bad…leave it.” Of course there’s no sharing because they’ve got the bite block in and my mouth is filled with hands and needles and apparently scalpels.
Another 10 minutes and I’m sewn up, filled with gauze and headed out to the ‘finance lady’ to pay my $100.00 bucks. I remember to ask about my prescriptions, which they don’t hand over until AFTER they run your debit card, I might add.
I went to the lobby asked the husband to take me home and go fill the pain prescription. I tell my husband as we’re leaving…well at least my deductible is met now. I also said I would do whatever is necessary to keep from EVER experiencing that again.
…and so 6 pain killers later…lesson learned is…remember to floss daily! And to save for any extra dental work!
Is it Monday already?
Friday, April 10, 2009
Telling My Story, Part II
Age 40-45
Well, since I’m doing this in reverse, I think the next memory stone would really be my 40th birthday. Yes, I know that’s a huge 5 year gap but I’ll cover the gist of that 5 years in this one post…you’re scared aren’t you...me too!
My 40th birthday was actually really sweet. My dear husband attempted to have a surprise party for me with all our ‘closest’ friends, but since 6 people weren’t enough for a decent surprise party…he invited nearly our entire church, to our 1500 s.f. home. He was in school and working…so guess who ‘threw’ the party? Yep, me…mostly. It was fine really. That way I felt more in control of it and Lord knows I like control, even more so back then.
We limited the gifts to what people could create or make on their own. That was the most wonderful part, seeing what people could create.
My 40th birthday was unfortunately also a time when I was deeply struggling with our infertility and Satan had me fully convinced that I was not worthy to have a child and God would NEVER give me a child because of my sin and my past and I was basically a bad person. Of course it didn’t make it any easier seeing people pop out babies right and left…including those who didn’t even want children.
The turning point for me came after reading this book, by this person, which I happened to WIN at the CWA site. I blogged about it here and here. It absolutely changed my life when I realized God wasn’t angry with me…His plan was just something different. By then I was 43, so you see it wasn’t overnight. I still thought about it some and hurt about it often, but God and my loving husband helped me realize God had another plan. Part of that plan is to remind other mothers’ regularly to LOVE those babies and to LOVE those kids and to LOVE those teenagers and to LOVE those annoying young adults and to LOVE those grandbabies…because it could have gone another way.
Part of that plan is still unknown to me because I choose to continue to swing back and forth from God’s playground to the enemies. God says He’ll use me when I’m willing and when I’m fully His. I just keep playing paddy cake with the enemy…
My 40th birthday was also a time when I had lost ALMOST all my extra weight. I looked better than I had ever as an adult. I also quit smoking when I was 40. Sadly… over the past 5 years I’ve gained almost all that weight back, but I will NEVER smoke again! I keep thinking I’ll eventually lose this extra weight, but even if I don’t I’m ALMOST at a place where it doesn’t completely debilitate me anymore.
The other BIGGEE for me during the first half of this 4th decade has been the church-shopping experience. Since 2003 we’ve been to:
The Edge – I fell clean off that edge.
Church on the Rock – Gun-toting members…so NOT kidding.
Bridgeway – Not one person spoke to us and we went twice!
People’s Church – Really great church but not where we belong.
Real Church – average age 17-21, we would DEFINITELY be the oldest!
Northwest Christian Center – Sweet, sweet people, but the pastor put me to sleep…seriously!
NorthView – Not allowed to wear jeans and I just can’t do that. God doesn’t care what I wear!
Passion Church – Scared me and my HUSBAND…not easy to do!
New Church – Good solid church, but a bit too liberal (can you believe I’m saying that?)
Journey Fellowship – Great church, GREAT Pastor, I just couldn’t agree with the bylaws and constitution. Still the saddest church departure for both my husband and me! We LOVE these people and this church! This is where I went through some great spiritual healing.
Passion Church – Scared my HUSBAND!
NorthChurch – I’m just not ready for a MEGA-CHURCH yet.
The Gathering – where we landed for …such a time as this!
Suffice to say I feel like a serial ‘church-dater’ and frankly if I could find even a semi-great home church that’s where I would STILL go!
I think that is probably enough for this chapter and I leave this age with sweet & bittersweet memories. I truly have loved being in my 40’s because it has been a time when I didn’t have to focus on the outward as much and a time when God helped me focus on the inward and such sweet, sweet healing.
Well, since I’m doing this in reverse, I think the next memory stone would really be my 40th birthday. Yes, I know that’s a huge 5 year gap but I’ll cover the gist of that 5 years in this one post…you’re scared aren’t you...me too!
My 40th birthday was actually really sweet. My dear husband attempted to have a surprise party for me with all our ‘closest’ friends, but since 6 people weren’t enough for a decent surprise party…he invited nearly our entire church, to our 1500 s.f. home. He was in school and working…so guess who ‘threw’ the party? Yep, me…mostly. It was fine really. That way I felt more in control of it and Lord knows I like control, even more so back then.
We limited the gifts to what people could create or make on their own. That was the most wonderful part, seeing what people could create.
My 40th birthday was unfortunately also a time when I was deeply struggling with our infertility and Satan had me fully convinced that I was not worthy to have a child and God would NEVER give me a child because of my sin and my past and I was basically a bad person. Of course it didn’t make it any easier seeing people pop out babies right and left…including those who didn’t even want children.
The turning point for me came after reading this book, by this person, which I happened to WIN at the CWA site. I blogged about it here and here. It absolutely changed my life when I realized God wasn’t angry with me…His plan was just something different. By then I was 43, so you see it wasn’t overnight. I still thought about it some and hurt about it often, but God and my loving husband helped me realize God had another plan. Part of that plan is to remind other mothers’ regularly to LOVE those babies and to LOVE those kids and to LOVE those teenagers and to LOVE those annoying young adults and to LOVE those grandbabies…because it could have gone another way.
Part of that plan is still unknown to me because I choose to continue to swing back and forth from God’s playground to the enemies. God says He’ll use me when I’m willing and when I’m fully His. I just keep playing paddy cake with the enemy…
My 40th birthday was also a time when I had lost ALMOST all my extra weight. I looked better than I had ever as an adult. I also quit smoking when I was 40. Sadly… over the past 5 years I’ve gained almost all that weight back, but I will NEVER smoke again! I keep thinking I’ll eventually lose this extra weight, but even if I don’t I’m ALMOST at a place where it doesn’t completely debilitate me anymore.
The other BIGGEE for me during the first half of this 4th decade has been the church-shopping experience. Since 2003 we’ve been to:
The Edge – I fell clean off that edge.
Church on the Rock – Gun-toting members…so NOT kidding.
Bridgeway – Not one person spoke to us and we went twice!
People’s Church – Really great church but not where we belong.
Real Church – average age 17-21, we would DEFINITELY be the oldest!
Northwest Christian Center – Sweet, sweet people, but the pastor put me to sleep…seriously!
NorthView – Not allowed to wear jeans and I just can’t do that. God doesn’t care what I wear!
Passion Church – Scared me and my HUSBAND…not easy to do!
New Church – Good solid church, but a bit too liberal (can you believe I’m saying that?)
Journey Fellowship – Great church, GREAT Pastor, I just couldn’t agree with the bylaws and constitution. Still the saddest church departure for both my husband and me! We LOVE these people and this church! This is where I went through some great spiritual healing.
Passion Church – Scared my HUSBAND!
NorthChurch – I’m just not ready for a MEGA-CHURCH yet.
The Gathering – where we landed for …such a time as this!
Suffice to say I feel like a serial ‘church-dater’ and frankly if I could find even a semi-great home church that’s where I would STILL go!
I think that is probably enough for this chapter and I leave this age with sweet & bittersweet memories. I truly have loved being in my 40’s because it has been a time when I didn’t have to focus on the outward as much and a time when God helped me focus on the inward and such sweet, sweet healing.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Passing Passover
It started off innocent enough with an employee joking around and stating she had converted to Judaism and needed off for Passover.
I was completely ready for her antics and said… “Oh, could I read your essay for conversion? I remember when my friends converted and they had to write an essay in order to be reviewed for conversion!”
Of course she just laughed it off. But this little joking conversation brought up the conversation of Passover…yep right here at work! With the exception of one employee, I believe all 12 of my team members were at least raised in a Church-attending home. I know some of them don’t currently attend church and struggle with their faith…I figure these conversations always help renew MY faith in God and I’m hopeful they do the same for others.
In any event, two of the most ‘zealous’ believers (people who have made comments about their faith) didn’t know a thing about Passover and what it represented or what it meant to us as Christians. I gave them a little info then told them to read their Bibles last night and lo’ and behold they both did and could tell ME about Passover this morning.
Today I’m thankful for THE blood and for freedom of speech!
I was completely ready for her antics and said… “Oh, could I read your essay for conversion? I remember when my friends converted and they had to write an essay in order to be reviewed for conversion!”
Of course she just laughed it off. But this little joking conversation brought up the conversation of Passover…yep right here at work! With the exception of one employee, I believe all 12 of my team members were at least raised in a Church-attending home. I know some of them don’t currently attend church and struggle with their faith…I figure these conversations always help renew MY faith in God and I’m hopeful they do the same for others.
In any event, two of the most ‘zealous’ believers (people who have made comments about their faith) didn’t know a thing about Passover and what it represented or what it meant to us as Christians. I gave them a little info then told them to read their Bibles last night and lo’ and behold they both did and could tell ME about Passover this morning.
Today I’m thankful for THE blood and for freedom of speech!
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Greater Expectations!
I had a disagreement with one of my friends…actually, my oldest friend. We sort of have a history of disagreements and usually the argument ends with acceptance that we are different people and have different expectations.
I have really been hurt by this friend and I’m not even sure she even knows it. You see she is a 99% Sanguine/1% Melancholy. She has a million and a half friends and has never met a stranger. She is the proverbial extrovert! She is sweet and kind and giving of her time…and therein lies part of my problem.
I am Choleric-Melancholy…with a heavy dose of Melancholy. For those of you who haven’t studied temperament it has been the greatest indicator of my actions and reactions and I would encourage you to study the temperaments with your spouses or loved ones. In any event what it means is I am extroverted (in an aggressive sense) and I am introverted with my feelings and tend to get them hurt easily. I am the person who gets her feelings hurt when I’m removed from someone’s blogroll for crying out loud! AND…I have great expectations of my friends.
On the flip side I tend to be more careful with others’ feelings and can relate empathetically to most people who have been hurt.
I was basically taking inventory of the friendships I have and I’m feeling in a bit of a drought lately. I asked my husband (and my mother) why I didn’t have close friends and they both assured me I would probably never meet a friend like I am. Isn’t that a nice, pat answer. Of course with this insight the enemy began to ride me about expecting far too much, after all people are only human and they probably don’t care that much about anyone but themselves anyway.
Leave it to the Reaper to make an uncomfortable situation a bit worse!
I’ve been ruminating on it this week as I continue this inventory and consider my past friendships as well. You see in my temperament it would be fairly easy to ‘hide in a closet’ and become a loner of sorts. I would be a bit sad for a while but the walls would re-form and eventually God & I would have the ‘come to Jesus’ meeting about relationships.
I’m going to T*R*Y to go the other direction. Seek God NOW and ask him to help me with the 7X70 thing again and again and again! And help me find and nurture friendships that He desires.
I have really been hurt by this friend and I’m not even sure she even knows it. You see she is a 99% Sanguine/1% Melancholy. She has a million and a half friends and has never met a stranger. She is the proverbial extrovert! She is sweet and kind and giving of her time…and therein lies part of my problem.
I am Choleric-Melancholy…with a heavy dose of Melancholy. For those of you who haven’t studied temperament it has been the greatest indicator of my actions and reactions and I would encourage you to study the temperaments with your spouses or loved ones. In any event what it means is I am extroverted (in an aggressive sense) and I am introverted with my feelings and tend to get them hurt easily. I am the person who gets her feelings hurt when I’m removed from someone’s blogroll for crying out loud! AND…I have great expectations of my friends.
On the flip side I tend to be more careful with others’ feelings and can relate empathetically to most people who have been hurt.
I was basically taking inventory of the friendships I have and I’m feeling in a bit of a drought lately. I asked my husband (and my mother) why I didn’t have close friends and they both assured me I would probably never meet a friend like I am. Isn’t that a nice, pat answer. Of course with this insight the enemy began to ride me about expecting far too much, after all people are only human and they probably don’t care that much about anyone but themselves anyway.
Leave it to the Reaper to make an uncomfortable situation a bit worse!
I’ve been ruminating on it this week as I continue this inventory and consider my past friendships as well. You see in my temperament it would be fairly easy to ‘hide in a closet’ and become a loner of sorts. I would be a bit sad for a while but the walls would re-form and eventually God & I would have the ‘come to Jesus’ meeting about relationships.
I’m going to T*R*Y to go the other direction. Seek God NOW and ask him to help me with the 7X70 thing again and again and again! And help me find and nurture friendships that He desires.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Telling My Story, Part I
I've decided to do a multi-post recording 'my story'. It's not so much for you as it is for me.
I worked on my 'mask' this weekend and God showed me it's still full of junk I should be fully over by this point in my life. Apparently I had been snuffing a lot of these feelings because the pen began to work on it's own until I looked at what I'd done in a short amount of time and was a bit surprised.
I'll show you a picture just so you can see my starting point. It's obviously not finished yet, but I had to get the yucky stuff over with. I'll post the outside tonight and perhaps, later on in my story, I'll show you the inside.
The 1st thing I did was wire the mouth shut and outline the eyes.
I've never really felt 'heard' for most of my life. Obviously my husband hears me and my captive audience here 'hears' me (at least the me I want to share)...but most of the time I feel like what I have to say doesn't really matter.
Because I have such scattered and few early childhood memories I think I'll do this in reverse
and see where we end up...
Today I am a woman who is loved beyond words by a husband she is blessed to have been married to for 10 1/2 years. I work outside my home and we have no children. I am okay with it now. It used to be quite painful and I've shared much of that pain here...but I trust God and what His plan is and for now...it's no children. I've basically accepted that we will probably never have children of our own or even adopted. We have spiritual children and that seems to be enough.
The UPside to being without children is that I am able to see friends (that are parents') and encourage them to be the very best parent they can be and to cherish every moment with their children because these moments are truly special and should NEVER be taken for granted. The other upside is Paul and I have been able to keep our focus on each other and I think our communication has improved because it's just the two of us.
I don't love my job and I am one of those people who wonder if I should be somewhere else...but again, I trust God led me to this job and will lead me out when the time is right. Oh...and I've never LOVED any job after awhile. Suffice to say I get bored easily!
My dream is to open a coffee shop/bakery with some friends of ours and/or write full time. Instead I stay behind the safety of this online journey and working the 8-5 job.
Today's memory stone is a reminder from Esther (can't help but pull from that recent study)...I have a divine destiny that is just waiting to be fulfilled...and every part of my story is a part of that destiny...a divinely inspired part of that destiny.
I worked on my 'mask' this weekend and God showed me it's still full of junk I should be fully over by this point in my life. Apparently I had been snuffing a lot of these feelings because the pen began to work on it's own until I looked at what I'd done in a short amount of time and was a bit surprised.
I'll show you a picture just so you can see my starting point. It's obviously not finished yet, but I had to get the yucky stuff over with. I'll post the outside tonight and perhaps, later on in my story, I'll show you the inside.
The 1st thing I did was wire the mouth shut and outline the eyes.
I've never really felt 'heard' for most of my life. Obviously my husband hears me and my captive audience here 'hears' me (at least the me I want to share)...but most of the time I feel like what I have to say doesn't really matter.
I outlined the eyes because that is the me most everyone sees first. That is what I got compliments for...as far as appearances. I always wondered if that is why I got this droopy eyelid syndrome as an adult because that was the one feature about myself that I felt 'loved' for. Now I have two unequal eyes that...to me...look a bit freakish. Add to that the signs up aging that seem to appear almost over night.
I was glad to see that I do feel peace about where I am in my life right now and I can honestly say that at 45 years of age I feel more prepared to tell my story than ever before.Because I have such scattered and few early childhood memories I think I'll do this in reverse
and see where we end up...
Today I am a woman who is loved beyond words by a husband she is blessed to have been married to for 10 1/2 years. I work outside my home and we have no children. I am okay with it now. It used to be quite painful and I've shared much of that pain here...but I trust God and what His plan is and for now...it's no children. I've basically accepted that we will probably never have children of our own or even adopted. We have spiritual children and that seems to be enough.
The UPside to being without children is that I am able to see friends (that are parents') and encourage them to be the very best parent they can be and to cherish every moment with their children because these moments are truly special and should NEVER be taken for granted. The other upside is Paul and I have been able to keep our focus on each other and I think our communication has improved because it's just the two of us.
I don't love my job and I am one of those people who wonder if I should be somewhere else...but again, I trust God led me to this job and will lead me out when the time is right. Oh...and I've never LOVED any job after awhile. Suffice to say I get bored easily!
My dream is to open a coffee shop/bakery with some friends of ours and/or write full time. Instead I stay behind the safety of this online journey and working the 8-5 job.
Today's memory stone is a reminder from Esther (can't help but pull from that recent study)...I have a divine destiny that is just waiting to be fulfilled...and every part of my story is a part of that destiny...a divinely inspired part of that destiny.
Friday, April 03, 2009
Mask-To-Her-Aid
Masquerade’s can be a ‘ball’ (pun intended) and it’s fun to dress up (every once in awhile) like some heroine in history or even a fictional beauty we create only in our dreams. But many of us (ahem…myself included) are much too reliant on masks to make it through our days, weeks…lifetimes.
I had the wonderful opportunity to go back to CAYA last night, which is a women’s ministry group that resumed after a bit of a hiatus. I love this ministry, the premise, the history, the meaning of the word. It’s a “Come As You Are” gathering of women and believe me when I say…we do. Women come as they are physically, emotionally, socially…in every sense of the term.
In any event, the ‘leader’, a woman after God’s own heart, spoke to us last night about the masks we wear. She reminded us that sometimes these masks are self-imposed and we willingly take on masks to cover what we deem as unworthy or even unlovable.
Personally I have masks of every color. I can put on a happy mask, a mask of brilliance (one of my personal favorites), a spiritual mask, and obviously the list goes on and on. We all took a mask home last night to keep during this season of reviewing these masks and we can do with them whatever God leads us to do with them. They can be ‘blinged out’ with gems and jewels, or colored black or covered in scripture or just returned exactly as they are. But eventually we will gather together with these masks again and do a bit of a ‘show & tell’ of what God revealed to us during this unmasking.
I know it will be cathartic and healing and most of all HARD. There are so many masks I’m not sure I can even pry off if I try, but I will pray… and listen… and wait…
More than anything else I’m excited to be involved with this group of women, new friends and old. This is most assuredly, just what God ordered!
I hope you have a mask-free weekend! Unless of course it’s one of those facial massage type masks where you get the mud pack and…well you know what I mean.
I had the wonderful opportunity to go back to CAYA last night, which is a women’s ministry group that resumed after a bit of a hiatus. I love this ministry, the premise, the history, the meaning of the word. It’s a “Come As You Are” gathering of women and believe me when I say…we do. Women come as they are physically, emotionally, socially…in every sense of the term.
In any event, the ‘leader’, a woman after God’s own heart, spoke to us last night about the masks we wear. She reminded us that sometimes these masks are self-imposed and we willingly take on masks to cover what we deem as unworthy or even unlovable.
Personally I have masks of every color. I can put on a happy mask, a mask of brilliance (one of my personal favorites), a spiritual mask, and obviously the list goes on and on. We all took a mask home last night to keep during this season of reviewing these masks and we can do with them whatever God leads us to do with them. They can be ‘blinged out’ with gems and jewels, or colored black or covered in scripture or just returned exactly as they are. But eventually we will gather together with these masks again and do a bit of a ‘show & tell’ of what God revealed to us during this unmasking.
I know it will be cathartic and healing and most of all HARD. There are so many masks I’m not sure I can even pry off if I try, but I will pray… and listen… and wait…
More than anything else I’m excited to be involved with this group of women, new friends and old. This is most assuredly, just what God ordered!
I hope you have a mask-free weekend! Unless of course it’s one of those facial massage type masks where you get the mud pack and…well you know what I mean.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Busted!
I went into the restroom this morning...just for a quick trip, in and out.
I had also left my book in there from previously in the week. I picked it up and basically got lost in my reading.
Pretty soon there was a knock at the door. And my wonderful husband saying...
"You know, you can read out here."
...yeah, I know...BUSTED!
I had also left my book in there from previously in the week. I picked it up and basically got lost in my reading.
Pretty soon there was a knock at the door. And my wonderful husband saying...
"You know, you can read out here."
...yeah, I know...BUSTED!
Monday, March 09, 2009
I AM Loved!
I have been uncertain what areas to serve in at the church we are now attending, but I've watched as one of the women I really care about has run herself just about ragged trying to take on TOO much at a church that has more than enough people to help.Suffice to say, I finally felt compelled to really help her out. The hubs and I started out by spending the weekend helping paint, organize, pull together the newly redone children's rooms at church.
Then on Sunday, I went in to 'kidsplace' to see if perhaps this is an area I could help. I was hesitant, because it's been a LONG time since I've served in the children's area. My passion is more adult women, but I see this area is really in need of some help.
So during the lesson "loving one another", as I sat and pondered what I could offer... this young lady (5 y.o.) finished her project and we told them they could give their 'gift of love' to anyone they wanted...well she came up to me and gave me her gift of love.
That's the picture of that gift above. I will proudly display it in my house as the gift from an angel!
As usual, God used this small child to show me His love through her. I reached out for a hug and left church feeling like I had been touched by God.
God really is good...all the time.
Thank you Lord for using these children to reveal your wisdom to me! And YES, I'll go again.
Friday, March 06, 2009
Mind Revival
There is always lots of STUFF going on in our lives. That’s why we’re supposed to experience the journey and not skip ahead, fully relishing every lesson and experience, good AND bad.
Here’s my journey these days:
My FAVORITE women’s group “Come As You Are” (CAYA) is resuming not church-affiliated, for all women…
Work is unstable and more layoffs are coming…
My husband still amazes me with his love everyday…
Niece still refuses to move away from abusive boyfriend…
The weather is so SPRING-LIKE…
Church is just a place to go on Sunday morning…
I get to go hear an incredible Choir this weekend…
Negative Nelly (in the cubicle in front of me) has reached an all time low in negativity…
Negative Nelly reminds me to renew my mind daily…
Paint fumes at work are burning my eyes…
Our department renovations are almost complete…
I got a new CD last weekend. It’s the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, “I’ll Say Yes” (click that link to hear some of the cd) I had forgotten how incredible it is to hear 290 voices all singing together to create an absolute angelic sound. Though from what I understand the angel chorus will be something none of us has EVER even come close to experiencing.
There is a song on this cd that I use each day as part of my ‘renew your mind daily’, it’s called “I Never Lost My Praise”.
I’ll share some of the lyrics here…
I’ve lost some good friends along life’s way
Some loved ones departed in heaven to stay
But thank God I didn’t lose everything.
I’ve lost faith in people who said they cared
In the time of my crisis they were never there
But in my disappointment in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed.
I never lost my HOPE
I never lost my JOY
I never lost my FAITH
But most of all
I never lost my PRAISE!
It goes on but trust me you need to hear this song!
So I’m sitting here in my MIND REVIVAL just focusing on God’s plan that overrides everything and everybody else!
Here’s my journey these days:
My FAVORITE women’s group “Come As You Are” (CAYA) is resuming not church-affiliated, for all women…
Work is unstable and more layoffs are coming…
My husband still amazes me with his love everyday…
Niece still refuses to move away from abusive boyfriend…
The weather is so SPRING-LIKE…
Church is just a place to go on Sunday morning…
I get to go hear an incredible Choir this weekend…
Negative Nelly (in the cubicle in front of me) has reached an all time low in negativity…
Negative Nelly reminds me to renew my mind daily…
Paint fumes at work are burning my eyes…
Our department renovations are almost complete…
I got a new CD last weekend. It’s the Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir, “I’ll Say Yes” (click that link to hear some of the cd) I had forgotten how incredible it is to hear 290 voices all singing together to create an absolute angelic sound. Though from what I understand the angel chorus will be something none of us has EVER even come close to experiencing.
There is a song on this cd that I use each day as part of my ‘renew your mind daily’, it’s called “I Never Lost My Praise”.
I’ll share some of the lyrics here…
I’ve lost some good friends along life’s way
Some loved ones departed in heaven to stay
But thank God I didn’t lose everything.
I’ve lost faith in people who said they cared
In the time of my crisis they were never there
But in my disappointment in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed.
I never lost my HOPE
I never lost my JOY
I never lost my FAITH
But most of all
I never lost my PRAISE!
It goes on but trust me you need to hear this song!
So I’m sitting here in my MIND REVIVAL just focusing on God’s plan that overrides everything and everybody else!
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Greatest Compliment
I think I’ve mentioned I work as a supervisor and it is not a very glamorous job. I get the un-fun job of redirecting staff and resolving many a disagreement, as well as occasionally disciplining staff for various things. I’ve been able to maintain a level of ‘decency’ about it because I have had SO many NOT-SO-GREAT supervisors and I think the negative examples are far more memorable than the positive one.
To make a long story short I am able to function as a supervisor (keeping the professional distance necessary to prevent additional problems), but also really witness (through my own life) what I believe God calls us to be at work…real, broken, repentant, willing, forgiving, loving servant! If I can be this at work, I’ve done my job.
Today one of the staff people gave me the greatest compliments…she’s on another team, but I work with her daily. Today after I helped her with something she told me I’m “made of Awesome”.
Awe shucks! It made my day! Well that and over 80 degree weather!
To make a long story short I am able to function as a supervisor (keeping the professional distance necessary to prevent additional problems), but also really witness (through my own life) what I believe God calls us to be at work…real, broken, repentant, willing, forgiving, loving servant! If I can be this at work, I’ve done my job.
Today one of the staff people gave me the greatest compliments…she’s on another team, but I work with her daily. Today after I helped her with something she told me I’m “made of Awesome”.
Awe shucks! It made my day! Well that and over 80 degree weather!
Sunday, March 01, 2009
BB Come Home
My niece (whom I call BB) has had a heck of a year. This is the same niece I've written about so many times. The niece that miscarried a baby last year. The niece that moved in with a 'not-so-loving' boyfriend. The niece that is in fairly constant pain. The niece that is a gifted poet. The niece that cares about others' more than herself.
I know she is torn about what to do and where to go. I'm just praying that she knows...to come home...is not to fail. To come home is to rest and regroup and find the love we all need when we need a 'rewind'.
BB, I'm seriously praying you take this chance and hit the rewind button and just come home.
I know she is torn about what to do and where to go. I'm just praying that she knows...to come home...is not to fail. To come home is to rest and regroup and find the love we all need when we need a 'rewind'.
BB, I'm seriously praying you take this chance and hit the rewind button and just come home.
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