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Can You Hear Me Now?

Monday, April 06, 2009

Telling My Story, Part I

I've decided to do a multi-post recording 'my story'. It's not so much for you as it is for me.

I worked on my 'mask' this weekend and God showed me it's still full of junk I should be fully over by this point in my life. Apparently I had been snuffing a lot of these feelings because the pen began to work on it's own until I looked at what I'd done in a short amount of time and was a bit surprised.

I'll show you a picture just so you can see my starting point. It's obviously not finished yet, but I had to get the yucky stuff over with. I'll post the outside tonight and perhaps, later on in my story, I'll show you the inside.

The 1st thing I did was wire the mouth shut and outline the eyes.

I've never really felt 'heard' for most of my life. Obviously my husband hears me and my captive audience here 'hears' me (at least the me I want to share)...but most of the time I feel like what I have to say doesn't really matter.

I outlined the eyes because that is the me most everyone sees first. That is what I got compliments far as appearances. I always wondered if that is why I got this droopy eyelid syndrome as an adult because that was the one feature about myself that I felt 'loved' for. Now I have two unequal eyes me...look a bit freakish. Add to that the signs up aging that seem to appear almost over night.

I was glad to see that I do feel peace about where I am in my life right now and I can honestly say that at 45 years of age I feel more prepared to tell my story than ever before.

Because I have such scattered and few early childhood memories I think I'll do this in reverse
and see where we end up...

Today I am a woman who is loved beyond words by a husband she is blessed to have been married to for 10 1/2 years. I work outside my home and we have no children. I am okay with it now. It used to be quite painful and I've shared much of that pain here...but I trust God and what His plan is and for's no children. I've basically accepted that we will probably never have children of our own or even adopted. We have spiritual children and that seems to be enough.

The UPside to being without children is that I am able to see friends (that are parents') and encourage them to be the very best parent they can be and to cherish every moment with their children because these moments are truly special and should NEVER be taken for granted. The other upside is Paul and I have been able to keep our focus on each other and I think our communication has improved because it's just the two of us.

I don't love my job and I am one of those people who wonder if I should be somewhere else...but again, I trust God led me to this job and will lead me out when the time is right. Oh...and I've never LOVED any job after awhile. Suffice to say I get bored easily!

My dream is to open a coffee shop/bakery with some friends of ours and/or write full time. Instead I stay behind the safety of this online journey and working the 8-5 job.

Today's memory stone is a reminder from Esther (can't help but pull from that recent study)...I have a divine destiny that is just waiting to be fulfilled...and every part of my story is a part of that destiny...a divinely inspired part of that destiny.


Dawn said...

Thanks so much for coming over the last couple of days. I can tell I'm really going to enjoy your story. You are an amazing writer.

I'm hoping to get to Bethany for my 40th college reunion (YEP - can you believe it?!) in November - maybe we can connect.

Tami Boesiger said...

I am excited about this series. I think we have a lot in common. I, too, am 45. My physical compliments were always about my eyes and hair. I totally get the "She has such pretty eyes, too bad she's so heavy." I'm totally in love with my husband who has been the most wonderful example of unconditional love to me.

This is gonna be good, Kim. Thanks for letting us into you.

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