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Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Greater Expectations!

I had a disagreement with one of my friends…actually, my oldest friend. We sort of have a history of disagreements and usually the argument ends with acceptance that we are different people and have different expectations.

I have really been hurt by this friend and I’m not even sure she even knows it. You see she is a 99% Sanguine/1% Melancholy. She has a million and a half friends and has never met a stranger. She is the proverbial extrovert! She is sweet and kind and giving of her time…and therein lies part of my problem.

I am Choleric-Melancholy…with a heavy dose of Melancholy. For those of you who haven’t studied temperament it has been the greatest indicator of my actions and reactions and I would encourage you to study the temperaments with your spouses or loved ones. In any event what it means is I am extroverted (in an aggressive sense) and I am introverted with my feelings and tend to get them hurt easily. I am the person who gets her feelings hurt when I’m removed from someone’s blogroll for crying out loud! AND…I have great expectations of my friends.

On the flip side I tend to be more careful with others’ feelings and can relate empathetically to most people who have been hurt.

I was basically taking inventory of the friendships I have and I’m feeling in a bit of a drought lately. I asked my husband (and my mother) why I didn’t have close friends and they both assured me I would probably never meet a friend like I am. Isn’t that a nice, pat answer. Of course with this insight the enemy began to ride me about expecting far too much, after all people are only human and they probably don’t care that much about anyone but themselves anyway.

Leave it to the Reaper to make an uncomfortable situation a bit worse!

I’ve been ruminating on it this week as I continue this inventory and consider my past friendships as well. You see in my temperament it would be fairly easy to ‘hide in a closet’ and become a loner of sorts. I would be a bit sad for a while but the walls would re-form and eventually God & I would have the ‘come to Jesus’ meeting about relationships.

I’m going to T*R*Y to go the other direction. Seek God NOW and ask him to help me with the 7X70 thing again and again and again! And help me find and nurture friendships that He desires.


Dawn said...

It is odd, but as outgoing and extroverted as I am, I don't have an abundance of friends. Or at least any that I keep in contact with on a very regular basis.

I love your introspective posts.

Tami Boesiger said...

Relationships are hard, but learning to always think the best of people and release them from expectations of any kind is tougher.I've been working on the expectation thing a lot lately--it's kind of like working on patience, but I figure if I want the same love from people I have to do the same.

It's tough being a melancholy sometimes (we have that in common too), but I do like feeling.

Have a Happy Easter, Kim.