I'm not laughing AT you...I'm laughing WITH you...

First let me give you an updated weather report. Snow and ice have accumulated, only 2 to 2 ½ inches, yet having sequestered myself indoors all weekend (with only a short reprieve to my parents house), I was absolutely ready to return to work this week if for no other reason then to be outside the home. I woke up sick. I’m home today, only til noon…long enough to give the meds a chance to kick in, and the remaining ice to melt away.

I honestly don’t know how you stay-at-home parents do it. I mean, do you really stay at home? Do you get to go places and do things? I know how I am and after 6 hours in one places…I’m SO outta there. I need to go...do…go…do…go…do. I’m from a long line of the “go-doers”. It doesn’t bother me, except when I can’t GO and the DO-ing is all DONE where I am.

The real POINT of this posting is about humor. One of my OLDEST and best friends read my entries and commented to me about my need to liven it up a bit with humor. He remembers me saying: “Life is too short to be taken so seriously.” I do believe this statement, depending, again, on the motivation of the heart.

I remember always having a sense of humor and desiring that quality in the people around me. If I didn’t FIND humor in people, I would CREATE humor THROUGH people. Maybe this friend never realized, my humor was largely a self-defense to the pain and hurt I was enduring. I know that part of the reason I don’t feel compelled to be ‘funny’ anymore, is that God has helped me find a peace about WHO I am in Him. I can joke and tease and play with the best of them, but I don’t NEED that to feel acceptance.

We’ve all met someone who uses humor in some cutting way and then quickly says: “I’m just kidding.” Well the truth of the matter is…usually we aren’t just kidding. In my own experience, being an observer as I previously shared, I found the weaknesses in others. I found vulnerabilities; through that, I found potential ‘jokes’. The minute I felt “attacked” I would joke. I would make some comment or crack some one-liner and make those around me laugh. I’m pretty sure most of the “victims” never even realized the seriousness of my ‘attacks’. I was using humor to alleviate or divert the pain lying dormant in my heart.

This pain resulted in such HUGE walls around me, that it literally took my husband years to catapult over them and get close enough to me to experience my true personae. It sounds much more dramatic then it was. I learned early on that my husband wasn’t going to hurt me intentionally. He proved his love over and over again. With other people, this isn’t the case. I remember my parents always saying: “You earn trust, it’s not free.”

This same adage applied to my interactions with others. If I feel constantly beat down by people; both peers and mentors or older adults, I begin to build a wall around myself in some sort of defense. The wall appears transparent because I begin to joke and laugh about every little thing. I honestly believe that most comediennes, probably should have been therapists or in therapy. I hear in their humor, the same cutting or self-debasing or audience-debasing that I use in my defense system.

Today I can laugh and joke and even play, probably more readily then most, but I find this space sacred. For right now: this is my space to pour out my heart. This is my space to be authentic. This is my space to cry. This is my space to heal.

Snow Day

I HATE winter. I TRY to focus on Ecclesiastes and the Scripture that says: “…there is a time to live and a time to die…” and trust me, in the cold of winter, I feel dead! Yet all I can think about when I look out and see the white blanket and wind lifting the flakes and shifting the landscape, is I HATE WINTER!

I long for summer and long, hot days of sunshine and swimming and even yard work. I may change my tone a bit by the end of September, with temperatures above 90-100 every day, but only in the hopes of a brief reprieve, not an all out assault on my sunshine and warmth.

Having lived in Alaska and Colorado and Maryland at different points in my life I thought I had wisely chosen to leave behind the winters of my youth. Instead, I find myself in Oklahoma, in February, amidst the pending ice-age. What happened to “global warming”? I don’t understand! Did I start to take for granted the unseasonable warmth of January, 2006?

I know there are those of you who laugh with glee at the site of snow and immediately run to the yard to make your “snow-angels” and snowmen and snow-ice-cream (Alaskan favorite). We all laugh, with glee, at the child in “A Christmas Story”; he gets completely dressed and OVERdressed to go outside in the cold…only to realize he has to use the restroom! I’m just saying: “I HATE WINTER!” No offense, but honestly, where’s the fun in driving down a road and sliding off this road? Yes, I realize that’s what many people try to do even on the CLEAREST days in their “racecar” dreams, but I shake and shudder with fear at each person flying by me, without thinking of anything but their slippery destination.

I realize much of my disdain relates to my desire to GO, GO, GO! I’m perfectly happy on weekday, SNOW DAYS! Hey, if I can get a day off work, even if it means enduring hours of mindless television programming, or try a new recipe while stranded…I’m all for it. But don’t steal my weekend.

I wonder if perhaps, in my bliss of GOING, if I am in fact, RUNNING from something I’m called to meditate on or study. What is God trying to teach me today? My immediate thoughts are of “Be still…..” Usually I flip the page there. We all know the ending; “…and KNOW that I am God.” If I don’t even stop and finish the teaching, I get to keep RE-LEARNING and re-testing on this aspect.

Today I will try to be still and KNOW that He is God. Today, I will TRY to not focus on my “escape” and the roads being cleared timely, instead I will TRY to focus on hearing what God wants to speak to me in silence, in quiet. I’ll let you know how that works out!

We Don't Need God

I finally figured it out! I had the ultimate epiphany this morning. We don’t NEED God!

I mean think about it. Everything you hear that God can do and has done…is old news in our post-modern society. God is cliché and a worn out excuse. God isn’t necessary. God is probably resting from all his eons of work anyway. God is some senile old, outdated, judge, that like many a Supreme Court Justice, needs a long term sabbatical.

Okay, so I’ll go as far as saying; “thank you God for creating the earth; and light and dark; and animals; and all the stuff you created; but I think we can take it from here.”

This seems to be the resounding ROAR from the masses. I see it everyday. I see and read of people who have taken matters into their own hands. We actually believe we can create our own destiny. This is the mindset that has formed a precedent in research and marketing for the past 20 years of advance.

Think about this:

We don't need God for CREATION anymore. If we want a baby and just can’t seem to produce one naturally. We either seek drugs and artificial insemination, or we hire a surrogate or we use any method necessary to achieve this GOAL, not short of taking what we want. In 2006, we’re on the verge, we just need a few more Congressmen signatures, and we’ll just clone someone we admire. In the midst of our ‘excessive’ culture I can picture now about 10,000,000 Brad Pitts and another 2,000,000 Bill Gates’ running around. I can imagine we’re only years away from a drop down menu on a computer screen to picking and choosing every quality we can name, to “create a baby”. I can actually already think of the marketing that would apply. If you doubt this, check out the "menu's" at a sperm bank.

We don’t need God for healing anymore. We have so much medical technology we can cure anything that DESERVES a cure. I’ve come to understand, from my more intelligent peers that some diseases exist that don’t deserve cures. While this screams genocide in my mind, it might be because I'm actually on that edge (1963) of the "Baby Boomer" generation who doesn't really understand everything the way the more enlightened society does. The purification of a society through medical and technological advances IS our reality today. If you aren’t offering something to the betterment of your society, you are outdated and need to be disposed of. Think: "Logan's Run".

We don’t need God for provision anymore. We have so much food we have to store or destroy it every day. As for those people supposedly starving in other nations…well their countries owe us money, so we can’t see giving them too much, because they don’t know what to do with it anyway and they’re used to being hungry.

We don’t need God for guidance anymore. We have books and great teachers and the media for this. Heck I don’t even have to make any decision about my life, it will just happen as I go with the flow.

We don’t need God for protection anymore. Many of us don’t even believe the whole Satan story we were taught as children. The people who are still unsure if there is some enemy; are certain they can defeat him with their guns, stashed safely in their closet so no one gets hurt; that doesn’t deserve it. Besides, if I have enough money, I can buy a lawyer and never face persecution for any wrongdoing anyway.

We don’t need God for love anymore. We have the internet for this. We can literally pick and choose our mates based on a “drop down menu” (see create-a-baby referenced above).

We don’t need God’s empty promises anymore. Anything we need, we will get, make, or steal ourselves.

We don’t need God’s sacrifice anymore. We are more evolved then this. Sacrifice is an outdated ritual that holds little meaning in our society today.

I hope you’re laughing or crying, and not sitting there nodding your head in agreement. These statements sound somewhat ludicrous to those of us who have seen both sides of this fence.

We ARE living in a postmodern society that is not only seemingly self-sufficient, but also self-pleasing. We have become our own god. It seems to me there were a few words spoken about other gods in that big old, outdated text some people carry around on Sundays.

I shared in an earlier post the quote: “Those who don’t learn from history are destined to repeat it.” My suggestion is read that big old book; perhaps start in the beginning with Adam and Eve and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. It seems each one of us is destined to repeat a history, our very legacy, until we find the hope of our salvation.

Good luck on being your own god. How’s that working for you, anyway?

The Words That Go Before Me...

Sometimes when I’m writing in this space, I stop and think, and re-evaluate what I’m about to write. It’s interesting the self-editing that takes place when I THINK, POSSIBLY, someone that knows me only marginally, or not at all, may read something I write or read INTO something I don’t write and make judgments about me, my beliefs, ultimately my life. Even in writing, I’m concerned about my identity.

I’m not saying I should edit out the true meaning of something. I am saying I must remember words are tools; they either build up or destroy. If I choose to place writing in a space that is potentially viewed by others, I am making a choice to “publicize” something of importance to me; my opinion, my words.

As I’ve become familiar with the world of “BLOGS”, I’ve seen some completely inappropriate writing for public viewing. I believe in Freedom of Speech, yet I am still amazed at what some “Christian” blogs convey in writing, much less mainstream blogs with open access to the most vulnerable and immature minds. My only assumption is that these “writers” out of their own pain, only intend to hurt others by ranting mindlessly about inane and sometimes disturbing things.

Thankfully I have the ability to turn off my computer and turn away from the prose of idiocy. My question is: Do people even look at what they’re writing before they hit the “PUBLISH” key? Do people truly just want to SHOCK and HAUNT others? What is the motivation of the entry?

Life or Death?

My husband attends the University of Oklahoma. He is one of the few “mature” undergraduate students in his Engineering field. Fortunately, he has met and befriended one other “mature” student (translation: over 35). I know it has been nice for my husband to have someone to relate to and someone whose focus is not solely on weekend games and parties. This man is married, and extremely focused on succeeding and excelling in his field.

This friend recently experienced some dizziness and stroke-like symptoms. When he went to the doctor, after testing, he was immediately rushed to the medical center and they performed surgery on his brain to remove a brain tumor.

It turns out he has cancer of the brain; Glioblastoma. Not a very easy diagnosis to take. The online research I did quickly summed up the devastating reality; this man may have less than a year to live. We had gone to the hospital to visit him and his wife following the surgery. This was the first time I had met these people.

It may have been in efforts to be hospitable, but he was in such incredibly HIGH spirits. It was hard to even think about the meaning of his diagnosis. I’m not sure if it had sunk in, for him. I know it hadn’t sunk in for me. But lying before me, in a hospital bed, with his head half-shaven and a railroad of staples/stitches along the stubble of hair re-growth on his skull, is this man, this friend of my husbands. He is not old. He is not deserving of this diagnosis. He has a pre-teen son who needs a father. When I think that this son may not have a father through the most important transition of boy, to man…I cry.

I realize no one DESERVES this diagnosis. No one deserves a message of pending death, with little hope of long life in this physical world. I realize life is given and life is taken away and not on a whim, but with meaning and purpose. I try to remember, we really aren’t immortal in our flesh. I realized how meaningless the world must seem to someone who doesn’t have a hope for a future beyond this earth. I realized how empty and sad it could be to a person that honestly believes ‘this is it.” I realized how important our message of hope, as Christians, is to a lost and dying world.

We’re having dinner with this couple this weekend and while I’m looking forward to getting to know them on a deeper level, there is a part of me that has to leave that dinner with the certainty that these two people at least HEAR about the option of eternal life. If they have already heard, then maybe I can search for a peace about the possibility of losing this person from earth.

Sometimes Satan wins these little battles with me by trying to get me to focus on how 'goofy' and 'exclusive' some Christians appear via the media or unfortunately, sometimes, behind the pulpit. I am SO prayerful that this friend hasn't already formed a negative opinion about Christians in general. Somehow I doubt he has, because he is an intelligent person who is not easily swayed by mass opinion, rather by self-examination and scientific methodologies. He may in fact already have an assurance of a future hope through Christ, either way, it will be 'brought up' and discussed because my heart won't let me rest until I'm certain he has the option to choose his own destiny; life or death.

The Quick Fix

I’ve been on a physician directed weight loss plan since July, 2005, and have been fairly successful with this conservative approach. I am one of those people that have literally tried almost every weight loss “scheme” or plan marketed. I have realized, as with most areas of my life, the best approach is a slow shift of focus and more balance. I go from eating a LOT of the “bad” stuff and not much “good” stuff, to eating very little “bad” stuff and more balanced “good” stuff. This seems to be working for me.

On Valentine’s day our office had a few deliveries of “sweets” which is common in an office setting. We are being ‘wooed’ and ‘courted’ by therapy facilities and imaging center for business; via bagel and confection deliveries on a regular basis. Usually these things are gone within an hour of arrival. What can I say; being mostly women, think hormones, sweets, chocolate…enough said! This is a good thing from where I sit, trying to abstain from these temptations.

Unfortunately, the majority of the office has been trying this new “quick weight loss” plan that promotes losing 10 pounds in 3 days. I didn’t laugh directly in their face, because honestly, I don’t know. I haven’t tried this particular diet, but in most all diets of this type, the results are short lived and the long-term physical effect on the body from this yo-yo starvation type diet are sometimes irreversible. The long-term mental effects are also sometimes irreversible. I kept my mouth shut. I’m thinking of having a tally of the number of days these “treats” remain and posting it there in the breakroom.

The whole scenario got me thinking about our desire to problem-solve or deal with issues in this “FIX-IT-NOW” mentality. We all want a quick fix in life. This could be a quick fix to lose weight…a quick fix to make money….a quick fix to find a spouse…..a quick fix to home repair. The list goes on and on. I’ve even witnessed and personally attempted the quick fix to reach God.

I don’t know your story, but I do know mine. I know that the more I try to ‘duct tape’ my soul, the less long-term effect it has. I use duct tape as an example because my dad was one of those people. Pretty much everything can be repaired with a quick-fix of duct tape. The miracle of duct tape is that it will hold….for awhile. Unfortunately, the leak returns, the tape falls off…and now the leak seems a bit more persistent.

The same applies to my soul. I ‘tape’ it over with a 12 word Scripture and prayer of thanks to God and am actually surprised when the same issue, only BIGGER, is found hanging in my closet the following day, week, month; however long it takes. I sometimes even scream: “I thought I dealt with you! What are you doing back in here?”

The endurance and steadfast spirit come with time. The self-control comes with time. Just like in our physical bodies, my doctor reminds me regularly when I get frustrated about slow weight loss: “It took a lot of time to put this weight on, and it is going to take a lot of time to take it off.”
When the Great Physician healed my inner-dead spirit, I still had to go through rehabilitation. Don’t give up on the new life and new birth in Christ. It took time to develop the selfish you, and it will take time to develop the God-Spirit planted in your heart.

Revolutionary REVOLUTION

I can always tell when a day will be a challenge. This morning I received very clear indicators that today would be a challenge. I woke up in a bit of a fog and couldn’t really pull any unscrambled thoughts from my head. The one I did pull from the massive paperweight, called my brain, was that today was Thursday. Unfortunately my husband quickly ended that delusion. Then I got behind a HUGE truck on my commute to work in the first mile from home. When I started lamenting the truck in front of me….I stopped.

Okay, so we were just discussing “perspective” in our women’s Bible Study and how it can affect our whole experience. So I am going to CHOOSE to allow my perspective about this being WEDNESDAY and this giant TRUCK in front of me to be negative. Oh no you don’t Satan! Today is a gift from God and it holds treasures that I am not going to miss because I sit around pouting that it’s ONLY Wednesday. I decided the truck in front of me was carrying grace to someone who desperately needed it! It actually made me smile thinking how grateful I am that a whole new “truck full” of grace comes to me each morning.

I now sit here, preparing to start my work day and I was a bit concerned about being able to pull together my random thoughts into something decipherable…but I decided to share about this book I’m reading.

I LOVE to read. I especially love to read well-written books that make me think. Books that force me out of my comfort zone and spawn a need to dig deeper are my favorite. I am reading George Barna’s “Revolution”, and I’m telling you, not since “The Celestine Prophecy” has there been this personal need to dig deeper. It could be any number of things or just where I am in my own journey…but let me share a passage from my reading yesterday. Barna is speaking about a sub-nation of people who are called “Revolutionaries”:

“They have no use for churches that play religious games, whether those games are worship services that drone on without the presence of God or ministry programs that bear no spiritual fruit. Revolutionaries eschew ministries that compromise or soft sell our sinful nature to expand organizational turf. They refuse to follow people in ministry leadership positions who cast a personal vision rather than God’s, who seek popularity rather than the proclamation of truth in their public statements, or who are more concerned about their own legacy than that of Jesus Christ. They refuse to donate one more dollar to man-made monuments that mark their own achievements and guarantee their place in history. They are unimpressed by accredited degrees and endowed chairs in Christian colleges and seminaries that produce young people incapable of defending the Bible or unwilling to devote their lives to serving others. And Revolutionaries are embarrassed by language that promises Christian love and holiness but turns out to be all sizzle and no substance.”

WOW! Now, I’m not ready to DEFINE myself as a “Revolutionary” or be a part of any movement, but so much of that paragraph rang true in my head, based on my own church experiences over the years. I am thankful to be a part of a church, NOW, that while some of them they may struggle in trying to identify themselves with a denomination, their heart is about Jesus. They want to serve Jesus. They want to grow in their understanding and discernment.

My fear for all of us in this “formal” setting is that the passion would die. That the excitement of being in a new church, the excitement of helping and serving in so many areas, the excitement of a young, energetic, challenging pastor, would not be enough to push us out of our comfort zones into the very LIFESTYLE that the church is called to be in Acts. My fear is that the passion would be about all these things, instead of Jesus and His desire for us. My fear is that our focus on anything except Jesus is nothing more than idol-worship, or worse yet…complacent comfort!

I am not saying that being a part of a “church” is supposed to be uncomfortable. What I am saying is that based on Biblical teaching, we are so far from being a “church”, that if we ever did get close to the examples we have been given, it would be SO uncomfortable. Let’s be honest, our focus is on self! We are consumed with how we feel and how we are affected and how we are heard and blah, blah, blah! I’m guilty of it too! I hate that about myself. I hate that my inward focus crushes the very Spirit of God within me. I hate that every day it’s a physical struggle to choose to put others first.

I’m going to go to my ‘truck of grace’ now and try to recoup from this diatribe before I actually start any verbal communicating in a work setting, YIKES!

Where is John 3:16?

I was reading a post today from a well-known writer who stated he had only heard a sermon on the Scripture; John 3:16, twice in his life. It got me to thinking...I have NEVER heard a sermon specifically based on this well-know, first memory verse I can recall, Scripture.

Why? What have others experienced? Is there a reason pastors don't preach on it? What's that about?

Just a question....feel free to share you own insight, experience...

Ponderings From Life's Edge....

I was thinking about my 'history' the other day...my timeline, if you will. I have been an observer of life more than an active participant, until the last 7 years or so. I think the point of transformation came when I realized the only way to affect change was to purposefully set out to facilitate the changes you desire. The difference between 7 years ago and the onset of this endeavor and NOW, is my heart.

My desires 7 years ago were self-seeking. I wanted to set out to prove how cruel people are. I wanted to PROVE how indecent we are to one another and find some solace in my own chosen separation from society as a whole. Even more than proving the cruelty of others, I wanted to give them the opportunity to hurt, as they hurt others...as they hurt me.

Being an observer of life I also have an ability to "read" people. I can hear and see their verbal and non-verbal cues (psycho-babble for identifying actions, behaviors and body language). I used my mouth to hurt others. One thing I had learned in my observations is that mental anguish and pain from words is far more reaching and lasting then physical pain. I had lived in that for many years. My thoughts of conquering this were more of retribution then of releasing and forgiving.

I know that sounds totally like I'm some sort of 'victim', which I can assure you, I AM NOT! God has not only given me HIS Spirit, but the victory that comes with it! How can I be a victim, when I walk in the assurance of a GOD who loves me enough to never, ever give up on me.

Okay, enough preaching...where am I going with all this....well about 3 years ago I read a book called "The Heart Reader" by Terry Blackstock (I've attached a link to a study guide on this incredible book and journey)

http://www.thomasnelson.com/consumer/downloads/DiscGuide-HeartReader.pdf#search=.

If you haven't read it it's worth the half day time it takes to read it, just to see from a new perspective how God wants to use us. When I read it, I thought it would be so cool to be able to do the things these people did in this book. They had very specific abilities, which seemed supernatural, which they used to reach 'lost'.

I realized this past week, as I thought about my history, God DID give us this ability. I may not hear the exact utterances coming from someone's heart (as they did in the book) but I DO have, we ALL have, an ability to see and hear a person's heart through the Spirit of Christ within us. The more we draw closer to God, the more we become LIKE God. Yes, I realize I'm opening this up for dispute and comment, but frankly, people's words don't scare me; remember, I am an EXPERT at words and using them to hurt others. I just choose NOT to.

Where does all this rambling lead? I realized, some time ago, I could use this power for GOOD for GOD! It sounds a bit like some superhero chant doesn't it?

I truly believe each of us, through the gifts God has given us, do have SUPERPOWERS to some extent. We don't always use them for good. Like the inner struggle faced by Batman or the Punisher or all the other comic book superheros, sometimes we need to be reminded of the higher calling of these gifts.

If you're sitting there thinking; 'this is crazy, I don't have SUPERPOWERS.' I'm sorry for you. I believe you can choose not to use these abilities through blindness and inward-focus and sometimes, like me, you can't see beyond your own pain. But when you put your focus, your heart, on others, you will hear the still small voice of God calling you to use the power HE has placed within you. I made my choice, now the choice is yours; respond, or turn away.

What Does It All Mean Anyway?

I was raised in upper-middle class America. I was raised attending church, albeit under false pretenses if anyone would have looked at our family through a microscope. My parents fought all the way to and from church. I hated Sundays for many years to come.

This entry is not about those experiences or the death of 'religion' for me, at a moment of my youth. It's about the lingo or language Christians use. My husband wasn't "saved" until we moved to Oklahoma in 2001. He would sometimes ask what a word meant or why I was using a specific word. I didn't even realize that there was a specific and often foreign language that I was using that was so out-of-touch and really bordering on exclusive with regards to the inability to reach the people that don't know about Jesus.

From my perspective, this is what I heard in church and what I 'grew up on', so it seemed only natural to mimic what I was hearing. I will admit that my salvation was more out of fear of 'fire' then in acceptance and understanding of the incredible LOVE Jesus has for me. I was also discouraged from asking questions in my childhood church, therefore to mimic was better than to question. What's troubling is the inability to truly define the things we mimic, or to fully understand them.

The small group I attend discussed one of these misconceptions this weekend. We were discussing what "discipling" meant and how it would look in the world today. I've got to be honest when I hear the word "DISCIPLE" I immediately think of the 12 with Jesus. I think of how they followed Jesus and sat and listened to Him and then took what He taught, out into the world. I never once thought about my own experience. In our discussion, it dawned on me that I don't have this kind of 'intimate' relationship with anyone, nor did I grow up with this understand of a disciple. It seemed very unattainable to me while sitting with these people, yet disciple is a word often "thrown-around" on Sunday or among Christians.

So my question is; how authentic is this word, if those of us who have been Christians for a long time have never experienced true discipleship? Who are the disciplers? Is there a online disciple matcher? Can I be a discipler without having been discipled? Is my experience skewed by my lack of experience? If "...go into all the world and make disciples..."is a part of our commission by Jesus, how do we make this 'real' in 2006, when many of us have never known or experienced discipling as Jesus teaches.

Other words I think about are: Fellowship, Agape' vs. Phileo Love, Body of Christ, Born-Again, Sabbath, Deliverance, Baptised in the Spirit, Eschatology, Evangelism, Gospel, Full-Gospel, Hermeneutics, Identity in Christ, Legalism, Rapture, Revival, Abraham's Bosom, Spiritual Warfare, and Tribulation....just to name a few. These words are thrown about in church and in Starbucks (especially in Oklahoma)...and yet how many of us could truly define these words and have a heartfelt understanding of what it means.

MY reality is; one of the people I work with had never heard about one of the basic stories in Genesis; I think it was Jacob and Esau. If our 'story' is not understood in the language we use, is it authentic enough to be carried out into a lost world? Another disturbing truth is when you read the Message Bible, it sometimes lacks the TRUE meaning in translation. How much was lost from the original text to just the KJV?

I sometimes think it's sad that the Bible never had "additions". The Bible is our history and our promise book, yet it sometimes feels very cold and sterile and VERY misunderstood and not a part of my experience. I am thankful that in MY experience I have the ability to learn from the Holy Spirit and His wisdom. I am thankful that through this wisdom, God has been able to help me understand the lessons He desires to teach me. I am hopeful that the teachers I have had have taught me lessons that I can pass on to others in an applicable, REAL way. I am hopeful that as Jesus brings people to me, to share with, that I would maintain and share His truth, with love, and that this truth would be REAL to the people I encounter.

Extra Ice, Please!

There are a few little pleasures in my life. Okay, honestly, maybe more than a few. My little pleasures are things like my favorite seats at the movie theater being open; a sunny, warm day in February; finding money in my laundry or in parking lots; picking the fastest line at the grocery store. One of the greatest little pleasures in my life is the ICE at Sonic. They have the greatest ice. In the summer, sometimes my niece and I will go to Sonic just for a cup of ice. I grew up on this. Part of these feelings may come from my youth and the memories that are stirred when I get this ice. Part of it is just my desire to have this cool refreshment, part of it is that it is something that feels "safe" and "comfortable" to me.

Last night, my husband and I went to our church small group, and I wanted to get a Sonic drink on the way over there but we didn't drive past a Sonic, and I decided I didn't want to search for one. Searching for a Sonic in Oklahoma is really not that difficult as they are in every 3 square miles.

My husband, unknown to me, had called our PASTOR and asked him to stop and bring a drink from Sonic. I would never even THINK to do that. If I don't do it myself, or my husband doesn't do it, it ain't happening. Why? Yep, it's back to that same old pride issue. "I can do it myself and I don't need help!"

How sad is that! My pastor totally didn't mind doing this, even with this being a totally extraneous request! Most of us wouldn't mind, if someone asked, to run some errand or just do a favor. My husband never hesitates to serve or to ASK for service. The difference for me, is that I didn't WANT to ask.

This can easily transfer into my life with Christ. If I don't, DAILY, confess to Him that I NEED Him and NEED His help, even with the small stuff, then I choose to walk alone. The "ice" in my life, the little blessings sometimes come without my asking, yet how much more would I know and see if only I'd ask and walk in the blessings I've requested each day.

I'm not speaking of Jesus as my personal "Santa". Rather, He is my Provider, who wants to bless me, yet He wants me to see where the blessings come from. Who is your provider? Where does your hope lie? These are questions I must daily seek.

More Than Meets the Eye

*This is a passage sent to me from a friend out of a book of Devotions (I don't have the title or author, but I was reviewing "encouragement" emails and this is HUGE to me and I wanted to put it out there). She sent this following the suicide of one of my sister's dear friends.

More Than Meets the Eye

"Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it."
~ Hebrews 11:1

Faith is trusting what the eye can't see.
Eyes see the prowling lion. Faith sees Daniel's angel.
Eyes see storms. Faith sees Noah's rainbow.
Eyes see giants. Faith sees Canaan.
Your eyes see your faults. Your faith sees your Savior.
Your eyes see your guilt. Your faith sees his blood.

Your eyes look in the mirror and see a sinner, a failure, a promise-breaker. But by faith you look in the mirror and see a robed prodigal bearing the ring of grace on your finger and the kiss of your Father on your face.~

Please be a conduit of love today...