So, I was sitting at work this morning feeling a bit uncomfortable. I felt so uncomfortable in my skin. It was like I was wearing a life preserver around my waist under my clothes. You see, I’ve put on about 11 pounds in the past 3-4 months and I was having a hard time figuring out why.
God, in His infinite wisdom (and grace), took my focus off the question of why I had gained weight and put my mind back to the life preserver.
I was like… ‘Yeah, God, I get it. It’s a LIFE preserver! It’s uncomfortable! It’s big and bulky like me right now!”
God usually just waits patiently as I process through these thoughts.
“No!” he said. “It’s not ALL about the food you are eating. It’s not ALL the chocolate or the processed junk food you snack on. Think more about the WHY and not the WHAT.” he prodded.
Then He flicked the switch because I was just ‘swimming’ and ‘drifting’ in thoughts that were taking me farther and farther away from His lesson. (Didn't you love how I did that? LOL)
“My precious daughter, the life preserver is the WHY! You are eating in an effort to keep yourself afloat emotionally and sadly, it’s doing just the opposite, both emotionally AND physically, and frankly…spiritually.”
WOW! What’s a girl to do with that little epiphany? Of course God reminded me that His love is not conditional to the size on my pant label, nor is it lessened by the chocolate that passes my lips. Like a loving parent, (minus the judgment and harsh words), God desires my life to be full and without the hindrance of this extra weight. When I ‘eat’ something to feel better I am trying to replace God’s sovereign role in my life. God wants to be the only life preserver in my life.
“I’m not sure how to take it off, Lord. I’ve had it all my life!” I sadly confessed.
“I will show you, if you trust me. Do you trust me?” He asked.
“I don’t know.” I said sadly. “I really thought this was your judgment of my bad choices.”
God just shook his head slowly, side to side, with a tear sliding down his face. “No, my daughter. Your weight is not my judgment, it’s yours. Your weight is a part of this journey of life. You may take a turn I wouldn’t desire for you, but I do not sit in judgment of that turn. I desire that you seek ME with all your heart, soul, mind, body, spirit, but even if you don’t…I still love you deeply!”
You know what I had to ask! “Why can’t you just speak this weight off of me?” I couldn’t help it, I had to know.
He reminded me that the number on the scale…the destination…is not nearly as important as the journey! My journey to lose this impractical and uncomfortable life preserver is where the grace and mercy resides that I am so in need of right now.
Thankfully Jesus will also teach me to walk on water, so I don’t need the darn preserver anymore!