New Background

Can You Hear Me Now?

Saturday, September 22, 2007

What Do I Deserve?

I went to my first Bunco Game last night. It was at the church we’re attending and I made a couple of observations. One…I like Bunco. It’s fun and fast paced and has great potential. Two…I don’t want to play it at church again. This game has a tendency to bring out…let’s just say…a not so pretty side of women. Yes…including me!

When I hear what I feel is negative, I begin to shut down. I pull away and withdraw from the activity. I know WHY, I just don’t know HOW to change it. And actually, I’m not sure I should change it. In any event, I almost won most Buncos…but there was a tie and I had a roll-off with the other woman competing and lost the roll-off. It got me thinking about what I DESERVE in life…

I know I’ve written here before, that ever since we’ve moved back to Oklahoma, God has been dealing with pride in my life. I’ve struggled understanding what I deserve and don’t deserve. I understand that I don’t DESERVE God’s grace and mercy but that’s the wonder of God. Grace is a gift. God’s grace is unmerited and UNdeserved favor from the all-powerful and incredibly loving God of the Universe. So while I may not deserve it…God lovingly offers it new each morning!

Satan knows this about me and he wreaks havoc every chance he gets. He tells me pretty regularly I don’t deserve the wonderful husband I have. I don’t deserve help from friends and family. I don’t deserve a good job or a healthy life or fun of any kind. I don’t deserve to feel any joy or any of those healing fruits of the Spirit. I don’t deserve redemption. I darn sure don’t deserve eternal life or Jesus Christ’s salvation.

Satan also reminds me what I do deserve. I deserve to fail. I deserve judgment. I deserve fear. I deserve loss. I deserve mistrust. I deserve anything bad. Satan tries to tell me each and every day what a loser I am.

I could tell you how easy it is to tell him to ‘bug-off’. But it’s not always so easy. It’s downright HARD most days. Some days I actually mistake his voice for God’s, usually the times when I haven’t been listening to God’s voice enough. Usually I remember that God doesn’t need a martyr, God wants our lives, to help us be the very glory he created us to be…in Him.

I pray today that God would remind each of us to be the friend we want to have and to seek every opportunity to encourage others around us each day.

Have a blessed Saturday!


Just Me said...

I think you just described the fight most of us are in: trying to discern between the voice of our flesh, the enemy and God. You'd think it would be easy to tell the difference, but it's not - especially when we are used to believign that the bad stuff 'must be' from Him...and the good stuff is just our pride/ego..or the enemy. I mean...are we warped or what?? God speaks goodness and love towards us - the enemy speaks discouragment and fear. If you're ever in what I do and when a thought comes, I just stop and ask the Father, " Is this from You?"...and then ' Well...what do YOU say about this?" and it's amazing what happens. Remember, your his sheep, and His sheep KNOW and HEAR His voice! Just keep talking and listening - it gets better.

Greatfullivin said...

I think these "feelings" happen to all of us. I like to tell myself..."You are bought with a price" I never want to give the impression that "the price" (God's Blood) is not enough. I know none of us deserve all the blessings we get, but Jesus does! He has taken our place. I look at it this way, when I get something positive it is because Jesus deserves it. When something negative comes along I know Jesus does not deserve it. I am making a great effort to make Gratitude a big part of my life, it really changes how you think about things. I enjoy reading your blog.I pray today that I can be used to encourage you!

Dawn said...

This is what I've missed - your thoughtful writing. Well thought through and well said!

Sally said...

Oh Kim, you're back- excellent post, as for the not so pretty side of our nature, hmm I've just posted on that!