Un-Altered At the Altar

I was reading a facebook status the other day and it had something about picking up a garment that had been altered and the person 'hoped it fit'. Immediately the Holy Spirit put a thought in my head...these clothing alterations are not much different than what Jesus did for us.

We are a mess when we approach the cross...the Altar of God. God wants this mess and His very Spirit is going to alter us in a way we never thought possible...as a matter of fact, we are altered at the altar as soon as we ask.

Sometimes these alterations don't 'feel' right. It feels like the sleeves are too tight or the buttonholes too small. But what I've found is happening is these alterations are conflicting with my flesh. What's reassuring and what I've experienced is God continues to alter and alter me until one day I will comfortably walk in His perfect version of me.

I guess in a sense...I'm in the midst of being altared!

Not My View

During my work 'transition' period...I've been watching way too much t.v. I love Ellen, but in OKC, The View comes on immediately after and I remember when this show first started and it wasn't about the stars or the politicians...it was about the viewers and getting a viewpoint that covered the whole gamut. Now, to me, it's become a train wreck that I can't turn away from but I find myself so incredibly frustrated by the time they start getting into their 'hot topics' segment.

I just cannot relate to any of these women. They are either so far right I can't feel myself breathe from the constricting conservative viewpoints or they are so far left I wonder who they COULD represent...other than themselves. I can tolerate Whoopi Goldberg, but I seriously doubt any of these privileged women can really relate to the working class people they are speaking to.

I've got to learn to just turn off the television...which I am going to do now and get my day started!

Summer is over...

Hard to believe it's fall already. I've been out of work for three months this week and have been on four interviews, turned down one job, and hoping today is the day! I'm interviewing with a large ice company today for an accounting office manager position and I've really enjoyed speaking to and emailing the recruiter. I think the company culture sounds most like what I would like to align with.

I'm trying so hard not to 'settle' because I'm a firm believe that God has this all in His hand and God told me not to go back to medical (because He and I both know how UNHAPPY I was working for ego's all day long), and He also told me what salary to expect...so that's limited not only my search but my ability to accept just a job to get by. I do recall the last time I lost a job to lay-offs I moved and met my wonderful husband, so I'm thinking there must be even something greater in the horizon. I've also TOTALLY enjoyed lunch with friends and spending time with the hubs (who is home-schooling his Master's degree, while still getting paid his salary). We have every day together. It really is quite wonderful!

But alas, the money will eventually run out, and in a few more weeks I'm going to be pressed if I am not working. I have also learned to appreciate my hubs wonderful cooking ability as he was the one that handled this task when I was working because he gets home earlier. I'll take dish duty over cooking any day.

Okay, so update is I haven't disappeared completely. I've just become a bit of a Facebook girl and conversing with friends from school and others' I had lost touch with. I am going to try to return to my first love of blogging and writing. I think it may be a gift I was sacrificing and risked losing...and so while the thoughts may or may not lead me I will write...

It's Official...

I carry my stress in my back. Ever since I have been enduring this Sciatica pain I have been searching and searching for something to reduce the pain. I’ve tried OTC meds, visits to afterhours clinics, pain pills, light massage, heating pad, just about everything. Then I finally broke down and decided to try a Chiropractor.

I had never been to a Chiropractor before, but having worked in the medical field, was always quite leery. However, lately, many people I know have mentioned finding relief from ongoing chronic pain type problems through a Chiropractor. I took a referral from someone I trust, and someone who is not one of those Vegan, ‘organic foods’ only, Yoga practicing people, that I tend to associate Chiropractors with. This person is sort of like me. She works hard, tends to internalize stress, normal, everyday sort of woman who struggles with some back pain.

Anyway, the office got me in quickly. I was scheduled for 9:30 a.m. Monday, and I went in with high expectations, but a bit tentative in the techniques. It started off ‘normal’ enough. They took my B/P, weight, height, general vitals and then I was advised the Doctor would be in shortly. The doctor I saw was a young women (probably in her 30’s), very sweet and knowledgeable about ‘spine’ related injuries.

We started discussing the onset and my half-marathon and then she began an exam. The exam part was a bit painful as she really felt deep within my back to find the tension in my spine. She assessed that I did indeed have a LOT of tension in my back all the way from my neck down. I could’ve told her that without touching. Then she asked about my pain and did a brief strength exam before sending me across the hall for some ‘work’.

I went across the hall, put on their ‘gown’ and lay down on the ‘table’. This young women with darling shoes (I could only see her shoes so I think it’s important they think enough to wear cute shoes), began explaining a little about what was going to happen. I received an electric stimulation type massage, then a light hand massage, then she began a deep tissue massage that when I mentioned it hurt, she said, it should. She worked and worked for what seemed forever…and then she did more electric stimulation, and left me like that for 15 minutes more.

After all that the doctor came back in and proceeded to put me in a position on my side, then climbed up on my leg (no joke) and pressed down on my back to ‘stretch’ the back. Uh, YES, IT’S STRETCHING ALL RIGHT! I thought I was going to scream, but she was off quickly and I did tell her it hurt quite a bit. She informed me that when I come back, next week, the other doctor would be doing much more of that, so it’s best to prepare for it and get it started stretching.

OH MY! Should I schedule for a follow-up? Against my pain sensors I did go ahead and schedule a follow-up for next week. I crawled into my car…in intense pain, called the hubs to let him know I was through and to express some pain related sentiments, went home to my beloved pain medication, then back to work.

After several hours I did feel some relief and while I am dreading this long road of pain to recovery, I will be glad when the morning tears are done and I can awake and arise without pain.

The doctor also informed me that likely my injury occurred because after the marathon I really backed off my intense training, from doing 10-15 miles a week to doing 5-7 miles a week. She said this is a common injury for new ‘athletes’ that just stop working out as much as they did for an event training. The body needs to be weaned off this program just like it had to be trained up to that point.

…so if you’re planning on doing a marathon…even WALKING one, you better brace yourself for the after affects if you think you’re going to stop right afterwards!

Still Here...

I'm not completely gone...just focused on the last few weeks of work, job searching, sciatic pain and ongoing church stuff. Nothing really too new except anyone who knows a good way to deal with sciatica please, please let me know. I've never known such ongoing, intense, never-ending, faith compromising, sickening pain...in my life! It's really doing a number on my spirit and physical being.

What's Next?

We found out at work on Tuesday morning that they are closing our department. As of July 6th I will be unemployed. It's a bit of a bummer, but I'm going to use this opportunity to seek out a job God is already preparing for me.

I've enjoyed all 3 years at this job and while there were some challenges, overall it was an excellent, God-filled experience. I learned that at my age, the stuff that used to 'bug' when I was a young supervisor...doesn't bother me so much now. I also learned that I have a desire to build teams...effective teams and the best way to excellent service is to invest time and resources in your staff.

I'm not too nervous about it, though with the current state of the country I probably should at least be a bit concerned. I'm honestly not.

It seems 2010 has much in store for it so far. Between the marathon and the job change and what God is putting on my heart with regards to church...who knows what the back end of this year will look like. As long as it reflects God's direction, I'm good!

Encourage One Another...

I’ve always been a BIG believer in encouragement and what it can do to the human spirit. I’ve seen firsthand what DIScouragement does and how long it takes to recover from it.

Last weekend was the marathon. It was the experience of a lifetime…and I was just a ‘walker’. I can’t imagine how much more the runners were feeling. Let me try to set the scene…

My walking-buddy and I arrived a little ‘late’ at 6:00. We wanted to get there earlier but between a buddy that got her times crossed and downtown traffic of all the participants making their way to the start…it was 6:15 by the time we got anywhere near the starting point. There were already thousands of people there under a fabulous dawn-lit sky. The sun rises just behind the memorial site and it’s as though God Himself is kissing the memorial good morning with the rays of His sunshine.

The participants all began to make their way to the back of the line to take our places, but at around this point the 168 second of silence took place and we all just stood solemnly as we remembered those we were walking to honor and to remember. We remembered that day, not so many years ago, and we remembered why we were here and what we were walking for…who we were walking in remembrance of.

The race started at 6:25 as they released the ‘wheeled’ participants, then the guns went off and the fastest of the racers started off and about 15 minutes later my buddy and I were finally crossing the starting line. The sky was a bit overcast at first with those early morning clouds. By the time we got to mile one, where the first crowd waited to cheer us on, the clouds had cleared and a pristine blue sky blanketed our trail. I couldn’t help but feel the joy that was bubbling off these early morning cheerleaders and was thankful they were there at mile one to push us on our way.

The next thing I knew we were walking up Lincoln Avenue and I could see the Capital building ahead. As we made our way to the Capital complex my buddy pointed out the 168 trees that were planted along that campus several years ago to commemorate those lives lost in the bombing. They’re growing now, big and strong, reminding us to push on and live our lives with purpose and meaning.

We walked through a beautiful downtown neighborhood where neighbors were out in full force to cheer and champion our cause. There was a yard with 168 pinwheels stuck into the ground and neighbors handing out little candy bars and water and pretzels to push us towards our goal.

As we made the next turn, heading back south towards our goal at mile 8, there was a huge group from one of the larger local oil companies that were so enthusiastic I got goose bumps. It was so exciting to see so many people supporting this marathon and each of the participants that had come out to complete this journey. The final 5 miles were just lined with people cheering and handing out sustenance to those of us who were beginning to see the physical effects of the journey.

By the time we were within 1 mile of our finish, I was feeling really drained…not my spirit, but my physical body was just about done. I had only been drinking water at the stops, no power-aide and my body was in need of electrolytes. At one of the final ‘watering stops’ I grabbed some power-aide (YUCK, never have liked that stuff) took a few swigs and continued on.

When we made the final turn, and I could see the finish line and all the people along the street, I felt so much pride in the accomplishment…and so much awe for the support…and so many tears for those we were remembering, it was a moment I’ll never forget.

I crossed the finish line and made my way through the medal distribution and grabbed some snacks and water and made my way to my husband and our ‘supporters’ and then I thought I would just pass out.

I realized later as I thought about this day, that without the encouragement we received I honestly probably wouldn’t have made it to the finish line. Our bodies are amazing on their own, but add to that the chemicals produced in our brain when our bodies are ready to give up…and we have so much more to give.

Thank you God for creating us with intention and with meaning. Thank you for giving us abilities and for making us stronger through encouragement. Help us each to remember that words have the power of life and death…not matter how big or small.

Hebrews 3:13 (one of my personal favorites)
"But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called "Today," so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin."

…and there goes the first thing from my Bucket List.

The Little Things

This weekend is my half-marathon that I’ve been training for since that ice-cold day in January. I’ve walked a total of about 275 miles and just 13.1 to go. I am excited but also anxious about the HUGE crowds. This is the biggest Marathon we have in our humble state. The weather is supposed to be mild and a bit breezy so it should be a fabulous walk.

One of the recommendations is that you wear a small back pack with water, chapstick, your phone, a jacket, etc. in case you need any of that. On our last 9.5 mile walk I went ahead and carried it to see how it would be. I had a light-weight all weather backpack that, even when filled with these items, was still feather light.

Something happened during the walk. That light weight back pack became heavier and heavier and more uncomfortable until I just wanted to drop it and walk without it. It probably doesn’t even weigh five pounds…filled up.

I hadn’t given it much thought other than thinking I am not going to carry it this Sunday. There are water stops and I can shove chapstick into one pocket and my phone into the other. I thought again about the times I take my ‘burdens’ to the cross and try to leave them there…and I realized even the things that seem so tiny, too insignificant to even approach God with…eventually even these tiny things weigh us down tremendously as we try to carry them ourselves.

WOW…those tiny, light weight ‘things’, whatever they are, they matter to Him too. He wants us to give Him EVERY burden. I think I get it.

…And there is one of the little things this training has taught me.

Less For More

I can’t help but notice everywhere I go, whether it be the gas pumps, grocery store, even the bagel shop, I’m getting LESS for MORE!

The gas pump has been an ongoing mystery to me ever since the year the prices jumped and jumped almost to $5.00/gallon before finally settling back down. Now they’ve got them back almost to $3.00/gallon and the way it’s edged up it appears they try to desensitize us by taking us up high and then dropping it down a bit, but not back to the level we were paying only days before.

The grocery store is a whole new world anymore. They have these tiny little 8 oz sodas that are $3.68 for a 6 pack. Yes, you heard me right…$3.68 for a 6 pack. That’s 48 oz of soda for almost $4.00. I guess that helps diminish the frustration of gasoline prices, or movie theater sodas. Just about everything that is packaged is coming in a ‘smaller’ more ‘conveniently sized box’ (translation: smaller and cheaper made). The funny thing is the prices don’t reflect these new reduced sizes. It’s almost like they think consumers won’t notice. Uhm…we do notice.

I went to Panera today to buy a bagel and a frozen coffee beverage. Frankly, Panera is WAY overpriced anyway, but occasionally I can’t help but fill the craving for an Asiago Cheese Bagel w/cream cheese and a yummy coffee drink. The bagel went from $1.00 to $1.35 within about 2 months and the cream cheese went from $1.00 to like $1.50 or so. This is for a single serving of cream cheese. Add to that my wonderful coffee drink which went from like 12 oz to about 8 oz…the price is still $3.69. So for just $6.69 I got a bagel with cream cheese and a coffee drink. You’d think they would at least shrink the straw a bit, but NO they give you this straw that will basically suck the entire drink up through it in 3 swallows.

Uhm…Panera, clue in. If you’re going to shrink the cup, shrink the straw so we are less likely to notice.

So during this time of less for more, let’s embrace the one thing good that comes from this phenomenon…the more I see this principle, the less I indulge and the less I consume, the more I appreciate the things that get overlooked in a better market…like family, friends and the value of a homemade meal and a game night.

If I Were...

I had read this at Praise Junky recently and finally decided to 'borrow it' today for some fun. I haven't done a Meme in like forever.


If I were a month, I’d be May. (Starting to really warm up and I love the smell of freshly cut grass)
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Thursday.
If I were a time of day, I’d be dusk.
If I were a planet, I’d be the Sun.
If I were a sea animal, I’d be a mermaid.

If I were a direction, I’d be left.
If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be a comfy chair.
If I were a liquid, I’d be vanilla extract.
If I were a gemstone, I’d be peridot.
If I were a tree, I’d be a weeping willow.

If I were a tool, I’d be a jack.
If I were a flower, I’d be freesia.
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be sunny.
If I were a musical instrument, an upright piano.
If I were a color, I’d be lime green.
If I were an emotion, I’d be love.

If I were a fruit, I’d be a strawberry.
If I were a sound, I’d be an ocean wave crashing to the shore.
If I were an element, I’d be water.
If I were a car, I’d be a convertible.
If I were a food, I'd be Mexican.
If I were a place, I’d be a beach.

If I were a material, I’d be t-shirt.
If I were a taste, I’d be spicy.
If I were a scent, I'd be the smell of summer.
If I were an object, I'd be a prism.

The Price of Passion

I'm home from church today. I haven't really been to church on Easter in years as I would prefer to leave those seats for the people who show up at Christmas and Easter...plus I'm not into the 'show'. God decided this morning to give me a real reason to stay home...tonsillitis. I just had a bout of this in December, but it's back. Four of the people at my work had strep this week and I was obviously exposed to some nasty bug.

So for better or for worse...I'm home. God still chose to bless me. It's one of my favorite things about God. He doesn't have to see your behind in a pew (or folding chair) to bless you. He will bless your socks off with where you are at any moment. This is so important in my own life because I've had some challenges this year and God has still chosen to bless me right through those challenges. I have lost trust in people and realized that's not where my trust should have been to begin with. I had that 'hiccup' with my husband this week and felt forgiveness for him like I didn't think existed. Even my mother mentioned she had never seen me so patient and 'easygoing' about things. Don't tell her, but it's not me, it's God...sshh...keep it on the d.l.

So I'm home on this Resurrection Sunday and was flipping through the channels while my husband got ready for church and came upon the Potter's House. Oh, how I LOVE T.D. Jakes and the way he can preach it and teach it. His message was "The Price of Passion".

He took us through the stories of the Bible that teach us about the price of passion. There were tears streaming down my face as he taught us about the love Hosea had for Gomer. When he compared this love to the greater love Christ had for his Bride, a love so great He chose to die for her...for us, I finally began to feel that depth of love that I struggle so to understand.

The hardest part of Christianity to me is understanding so great a love when it's so elusive on earth. Love seems so conditional on earth. Love seems fleeting. Love doesn't fit the Scripture in I Corinthians 13...on our imperfect and sin-filled earth.

But hearing T.D. Jakes speak about Hosea going to get Gomer from the slave table, to reclaim her...to purchase her back...to pay the price he didn't owe...it began to hit me. Then as T.D. Jakes covered this young audience woman up and continue to tell the story, I could honestly feel the love God feels for me and the cost of that love.

In all my Christian walk, since I was 13 years old I haven't felt this explained as well as I did today. So I'm pretty sure as my church and EVERY church on this Continent are celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and Savior, I'm understanding a little more about the price of His passion...for me.

I pray Easter is a day of reflection on not only the Resurrection, but the cross and the price of His passion for you!

Missing the Point

I was answering a questionnaire about blogging yesterday which I believe turns out to be a bit of a marketing hoax, but it did get me thinking about some things I’ve left lying dormant in my mind for some time as I coasted along the past few years.

I’ve read a series of books by Brian McLaren, an insightful, if not a bit non-conforming and definitely unconventional type pastor/author. One of his books is about ‘missing the point’ of Christianity ultimately. I have to say this applies not only to Christianity and churches, but also to individuals and even more rampant in an age of technological advances to the point of completely missing the point.

Let me just share some examples…

1. Where I work we have automated process that we are STRONGLY encouraged to use, that sometimes take longer to utilize than our manual processes. We’re still supposed to use them. Hmmm…interesting.

2. Almost ALWAYS, when I see people hanging out together…one or both of them are connected to their blue-tooth, I-Phone or whatever other gadget they have to get lost or distracted in. So ultimately this says to me, I’m not important enough to have your sole attention?

3. At church it often feels like if the media doesn’t run correctly; a mic goes out, or a nursery worker ‘no-shows’ the service cannot continue.

4. I’ve observed pastors’ preach about friendship while they have a security guard ushering them around…during church.

5. I’ve observed pastors’ preach about love and then flip off the middle-east…during service.

Somehow we’re missing the point. I was given a great opportunity this week about this very thing in my own life. Obviously I’m not exempt. I’ve shared often about my battle with road rage and how I’ll be worshipping God in my car and cursing a bad driver (or what I’ve deemed a bad driver) while singing! Thankfully that’s not what God ‘caught’ me at this week.

This week, I found out something my husband didn’t tell me about that happened last year. It’s not something that will hurt our marriage, but it was definitely something that made me stop and question his motive and his integrity. When I realized his motive was his self-protection (from ME), it dawned on me I may be part of the problem. Then God told me (in prayer) I had to forgive him and move on, I realized this is an opportunity. I can either; stay angry and risk further damage, or I can forgive and move on like God asked me to.

Oh it’s hard…but I’m trying. I love my husband so very much and I know he has our very best interest at heart and frankly I haven’t always made the best decisions either…so who am I to decide that his offense is worse than mine. I don’t want to say I forgive someone and just keep bringing it up again and again. I really don’t want to miss the point.

Much of my blogging quest is ‘seeking truth’ both through questioning my own truths and being challenged by others’. And so the quest continues…