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Can You Hear Me Now?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Out of Control

I had a nutrition appointment today. I’ve had more appointments in the past 2 months with all types of medical/health providers than I have in my entire life! I’ve seen the Gyn a few times, Gen Practitioner, Endocrinologist, and Nutritionist. Frankly, the laboratory and pharmacist should really considering giving me a frequent shoppers card. I’ve spent more money in copays than any one person should have to budget AND with the exception of a headache (I think from the darn visits)…I feel fine! Go figure.

Today I was at the nutritionist office and after the obligatory weigh-in (like something from the initial weighing in Biggest Loser), I sat and listened and answered questions about my paperwork. When she asked me to explain why I was feeling depressed I shared with her just a bit of my feelings of being ‘out of control’ of my life. She recommended I talk to the GYN about a mild pill for depression…just what I need another drug.

A week or so ago I had a bit of a breakdown of a similar kind around my hubs and he reminded me, in his own straightforward but calm and collected way, that I am not meant to be in control…God is supposed to be in control. I had to stop and think about it.

I did the same thing today.

The minute I get to thinking about being out of control with work, surgery, doctors, lab work, meds, etc. it begins to overwhelm me. I think that must be why God reminds me regularly to take my thoughts captive…renew my heart, oh and to think about what is good and righteous. I’ve been saying over and over (at work and home) how I am out of control…and that is true. But that is also good, because then God can be IN control. I’ve actually been speaking too many negatives over my own life…and I have to remind myself that ‘we have the power of life and death on our tongues’. I want life spoken over me!

Okay so after another near death experience at check out from the nutritionist (and I thought Plumbers made a lot of money), I am back at work and thinking about the past couple of months and I realize and profess…I am out of control. God is truly driving my life right now and while I’m sure I’ll attempt to back seat drive, hopefully He can get us safely to our destination on the other side of these feelings.


Dawn said...

I have missed a couple of posts - lots of stuff going on here. I am sorry that you've had to spend so much time and $$ at doctor's offices and pharmacies! I trust your surgery will be successful and that you'll figure out a way to enjoy the down time. I love good mysteries, and Earlene Fowler is my favorite mystery writer - everything revolves around quilt patterns. I believe that she is a committed Christian, based on everything she says in her prologues, etc. She doesn't write "Christian fiction", but does write fiction with a Christian mindset. You can probably get them all at the library.

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