Call Waiting

My brother and Sister-in-Law are in town and we had dinner with them last night (just the 4 of us). That's HUGE considering my father really likes to spend time with my Brother when he's in town. They live on the East coast and rarely make it out to the heartland.

My brother and SIL are both Pastors. They aren't officially Pastoring a church currently, and they've had some of the same struggles and challenges I've faced in the church-search. They asked me some fairly straightforward questions about where I am with my 'calling'.

You see, it was a few short years ago when I really felt 'called' to serve God in a 'pastoral' role. Anyone who has followed me through the years knows I've struggled with conventional church and traditional church leadership. In the meantime, as I search and 'settle' for THE church, it becomes clearer and clearer that the places I 'land' are not doing me or anyone any good.

I can serve and try to get involved, but it is just empty. It's like hollow chocolate. It looks lovely but the flavor doesn't last and it's a bit waxy.

So the realization came to me as I considered the answers to their questions...

Is my 'calling' so hollow that it cannot translate to where God places me right this moment? Can I speak the convictions of my heart, to those God places before me? I don't know. The more time I spend in church, the less I like people. The more I question God... It's not that I doubt Him, it's that I don't 'get Him' and I don't think I'm supposed to at this point. I'm just supposed to trust Him and obey His leading.

For now I think it's got to be "Call" waiting.