On Empty

My tanks are just on empty lately. Pretty sure it's post-holiday stuff...and I want it to end.

It's one of those times when you know what you need to do to get out of it, but you don't even want to do that.

So my mind just keeps replaying all these things:
weight gain from holiday...
lack of energy leading to less 'moving'...
family drama after Christmas...
frustration with lack of volunteers and lack of communication at church...
wanting a new job but feeling like I failed at this 1 year stint...
not even wanting to open my Bible for answers or encouragement...
feeling like weeks will never end only to face a weekend of emptiness...

I am in a funk and need to get out of it.

Lord, please fill me with YOU...so I can dump this junk and move forward. I do NOT want to sit in this cesspool any longer and while I realize it is within my power to choose, I'm struggling.

It's beginning to feel a lot less like Christmas

Made it through Christmas without much adieu...but then the day after I was slammed with family emotion that continues to be so 'pushed down' that when it is triggered it becomes this huge ugly ordeal. My poor husband never knows how to react (because is SO non-confrontational), but this is the way my family disagrees.

It was ugly, it was uncomfortable, and it always serves to ruin a holiday.

I just can't do it anymore. I let my mom know I wouldn't be spending anymore Christmases with the extended family...it is just too important a holiday (to me) to have it belittled and 'ruined' by emotional vomit.

Paul and I had been discussing for some time visiting beaches or traveling over Christmas holiday because we have no children and these holiday gatherings are routinely so stressful. We got our passports this year and will start a new holiday travel tradition.

Hope your holiday was better than mine...