'What Does it Mean', Meme

My dear friend Shalee (who I have even MERL’d at the KC Bloggers Lunch) sent me this little word meaning meme. I’ve seen it around at different people’s ‘homes’ and now here it is…so without further adieu.

It's a word meaning meme where I am to write what the words mean to me.

Buttercup: At first I thought Reese’s Peanut BUTTERCUP it’s my husband’s favorite candy…but it also reminds me of the flower and using them to ‘paint’ with as children.

Bookstore: One of my favorite places to be either by myself or with other book lovers. I think of Barnes & Noble and Border’s and Books-A-Million…all of them! I love, love, love, love BOOKS. I love big comfy reading chairs. I love getting ‘lost’ reading. It also reminds me of the movie: “You’ve Got Mail.”

Pasta: I think of the summer I was 15 and I learned to make Manicotti. Since I'm on a roll providing two answers each (I'm SUCH an overachiever!) I also think of one of my favorite restaurants; Johnny Carino’s.

Inspiration: I first thought of that old Chicago song. Then I thought of how I want my life to be an inspiration to others to never, never, never quit. I want to inspire people to be the best at whatever it is God has made them to be.

It doesn’t state how I pick my words when I tag others, so I’m assuming its total random-ness…I’ll tag: JoyM, Kari, Serenity (if she’s up to it), KP (if she’s out there…), and of course Tam. I don’t want to leave Miche out but figure perhaps Tam’ll get her! My sister is getting off easy (for now) since she’s still adjusting to life-changes at home.

Your words are:

Angel
Twist
Vibrant
Quest

Have fun with it and let me know when you’re done!

Left and Right Collide

I have a bit of free time this morning. My work is caught up and I decided to take my ‘cruise through the cyberspace’. I find it so interesting the diversity of topics even among my small blogroll.

This morning I read about everything from; raising babies and young children, books to read, books in the works, favorite clothing, product endorsements, a lesson in Hermeneutics and Exegesis, a story full of personal pain, the grieving of a grand-daughter, Gnosticism, Fingernails, and frankly much, much more!

My left brain (let’s call him MAC) is always trying to understand and grow in knowledge, while my right brain twitters away (thanks Tam for this re-invented word in my daily vocabulary). My right brain (whom I will call MAGGIE) on the other hand, is constantly seeking spiritual wisdom and relying on the sensory and intuitive nature of all things. Things MAC will never ‘get’.

It’s not unusual for MAGGIE to struggle in attempting to reconcile what MAC is perusing. MAC then sits sometimes in physical pain to what MAGGIE tries to introduce as important and interesting. Conversations, sometimes heated, ensue.

“When will you quit relying on written word alone to teach you?” MAGGIE begs of MAC.

“When will you realize truth is black and white?” MAC responds vehemently.

MAC tends to be a bit more aggressive than MAGGIE in conveying information and defending his own truth. MAGGIE typically ignores it with rolled eyes and a slow shake of her head.
This morning they ran smack into each other as I read a few of these posts. MAC and MAGGIE are feeling a bit cramped, but are handling the merge with a sprinkling of dignity in tact. They have agreed to be civil in this merge (for as long as it lasts) and I’m sure we’ll all benefit.

So what have I missed in my reading? What’s out there? What should I see? Don’t tell MAC and MAGGIE but I’m hoping to introduce as much as possible during the merger so we can ALL grow in it!

I hope your Thursday merge is pain-free!

Word-FILLED Wordless Wednesday

Like it? Get it here.

Chew and Renew!

One of my co-workers just stopped by to share with me about an incident that occurred last night and really just de-brief about it all and BOY did it minister to me.

The gist of the thing is this: when I find myself wallowing around in the sameness of defeat, it is time for some serious renewal and review of Scriptural truth. In that frame of mind I decided to go ahead and post some truth to chew and renew, remembering of course:

“…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8


1. He loves me…He REALLY loves me.

2. He has my “back”.

3. He plans each of my days.

4. Every decision DOES matter.

5. Bloodless…but still at war!

6. I am created in HIS image!

7. Don’t waste/hide your gifts.

8. He chose me.

9. We’re in this thing together and I NEED you as much as YOU need me.

10. What was I thinking?

Here’s to a week of renewal!

In Other Words

"It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else."

~ Erma Bombeck ~

You know those days when the words won’t come. They get lodged somewhere between your voice box and your lips on their brave journey from your heart and soul. I have many of those days…ask anyone who knows me at all. These hidden words are my dreams…my hopes and dreams.

It’s really easy to appear strong and invincible when you walk behind the disguise of a smile and assuredness that when peeled away reveals the scared little girl beneath. The little girl who is afraid the others will laugh if she shares her heart. The child who can’t quite find the words to encompass the fullness of her dream. The maturing girl who knows failure is an “F” word and the death knoll of all her dreams. The grown up woman who has been stopped in her tracks under the weight of that realization.

It’s really easy to appear courageous in the safe places…the places where you excel because you were made for more. The places that replace the challenge awaiting you with the world defined ‘successes.

I trade a piece of my heart for my dreams; each day I deny them as they come to visit once again. I trade a piece of my spirit for my dreams; each day I stroll down the road of mundane security. I trade a piece of my soul for my dreams; each day I deny the purpose exposed in these dreams.

If I tell you my dream will it never come again?

Out of Balance and on Repeat Repeat Repeat Repeat...

Have you ever had one of those days…or weeks…where it seems as though the perfectly tuned balance your world is spinning within, has somehow become off-kilter, like a recording that now skips…or worse yet is stuck on the same note? That is where I am this morning.

Picture it…the many cultures and occupations that have people wearing and balancing baskets on their heads? This morning I feel like the ‘basket’ I have balanced on my head is becoming completely out of balance and is beginning to shift and slide and everything I have neatly packed in that basket (every issue, thought, or feeling) is preparing to spill out onto the roadway. *(and YES my basket DOES feel this big some days!)

It’s not the fact that my ‘issues’ will be exposed…I really do believe in transparency, it’s the whole ‘out of control’ feeling I get. At my very core I BELIEVE the more I attempt to control something the less control I have. Until I get to the end of my rope where I am so concentrated on holding on…and God can do His work, I am suffering in futility.

Last night I went to the first session of our women’s study for church. I’m so conflicted about actually joining it and while I’m not prepared to share they ‘why’ to my reservation I will say it was clear God had me there for a specific reason last night. I had to share a prayer request for this ‘season of my life’ with my selected ‘partner’ (a women I absolutely adore, by the way), and what came out of my mouth even surprised me.

My greatest prayer request was…is… “What is the purpose of my life, God?”

I can SO see God shaking his head and thinking/saying… “My child, how many times will we go down this road?” Even my husband, as I shared this with him this morning said: “So you’re back in THAT box again huh?” not insulting, just truth spoken.

I know God (nor Paul) is angry that I continually get into this endless loop…though I do feel like a bit of a disappointment to God, like my significance is lacking because of a career or physical or emotional issue and He just wants me to seek MY significance IN HIM. Why can’t I get it?

I admitted again last night that as I see my husband approaching his own college graduation (hopefully with a degree and career choice he LOVES), I feel so aimless in my less than meaningful work. I am struggling to find any purpose in what I do 8-5, and frankly that is where I spend most of my time. Add to that I am a restless spirit and have NEVER worked ANYWHERE as long as I have worked here…now 5 ½ years.

I hear God asking me to redirect my mind…my life…to Him and watch as the pieces fall into place (almost effortlessly). He is also asking for something a bit harder…be content in this season. Any physical or emotional suffering I endure (for Him) is only for the growth factor. He has a plan for me and a part of that plan is exactly where I am today…God help me!
Have a fulfilling, meaningful Monday!

Strongtower

It’s funny…I used to look at the World Trade Center buildings in NYC as such beacons of strength, strongtowers, in every sense of the word. When they collapsed I thought a part of my faith would collapse with them.

I heard a sermon once about faith (okay tons of times but once that really stands out). Anyone worth their muster in Bible-speak knows the definition of FAITH from Hebrews 11:1: “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.”

The teacher I listened to talked about how we have such FAITH in so many things on earth. We have FAITH that our brakes will stop us at a red light. We have FAITH that our lights will turn on when we flick the switch. We have FAITH that a gun will stop an intruder and more FAITH that the gun will actually work (as intended) when fired.

We say we have FAITH in God, but do we? Do we believe God is who He says He is and can do what He says He can do? Do we really? Do I believe I am who God says I am?

There are days when my FAITH about my brakes is stronger than my FAITH in God. On those days I have to pray and remember the God of the Bible. The Father who sent His only Son to redeem me…to rescue me from certain death. This is the same God who is my strength. He is my Strongtower.

I heard this song on the way into work this morning and my husband will tell you, I LOVE THIS SONG. It reminds me that even on days when I am weak…like today…even in my faith…He is my STRONGTOWER! And I will praise and worship and BELIEVE Him. Sing that chorus with me today and believe every single word of it…this is OUR God.

When I wander through the desert
And I'm longing for my home
All my dreams have gone astray
When I'm stranded in the valley
And I'm tired and all alone
It seems like I've lost my way
I go running to Your mountain
Where your mercy sets me free

(Chorus)
You are my strong tower
Shelter over me
Beautiful and mighty
Everlasting King
You are my strong tower
Fortress when I'm weak
Your name is true and holy
And Your face is all I seek

In the middle of my darkness
In the midst of all my fear
You're my refuge and my hope
When the storm of life is raging
And the thunder's all I hear
You speak softly to my soul

Have a day of FAITH renewed and stand in certainty of the STRONGTOWER surrounding you...who is GOD!

Provisions of Grace

There are so many incredibly gifted artisans and writers and home-makers and home-builders and encouragers in this world joined by a network of fiber optic cables. I can almost picture the massive cables sparking as written thoughts, the gamut of emotions and words rush across lines to reach the desired destination. Of course typically my mind travels a much different route than real life, but hey…this is my story!

Among the masses is a woman who I first came to know as a wonderfully encouraging commenter. She would encourage, but she would also push towards something greater. She has that gift. She can sense (in words alone) where Spiritual nudging is needed. She has walked beside me (and countless others) during bouts of uncertainty and reminded me our certainty is steadfast in Christ. She is most certainly an earth angel. I could never begin to encompass her completely in words alone…especially since we’ve never actually met face to face…yet!

We all know her as Tam at “Time for Twittering”. She is a child of God first, a wife second, a mother to beautiful children next, followed by home-maker, artist, encourager, partner. When I think of Tam, I think of the extended family God has given us. She is no less than a sister to me.

With that said, her right and left brain have merged to launch a new business venture. Her love of many things vintage, especially fabric and sewing has led her to this place in her own journey. You probably already know all about it…but just in case you’ve been hidden beneath a mound of endless paperwork and daily grind-ings…her offerings are now available to all of us at Provisions of Grace. The name alone should speak volumes.

Go take a look, browse and if you don’t see anything you can’t live without…let a friend know. She’s got a promotion going and “free treasures” are always wonderful!

I hope you’ll help me wish her well in this venture and pray God would bless her abundantly in this pursuit.

By the way…I’m SO getting some of that alphabet fabric! I can’t WAIT to create something perfectly ‘spell’bound!

Have a day made for embellishing!

Who Do You Say I Am?

Admittedly I’m a lover of most all live theater. I love stage performances both with music and without. Last night’s performance was the absolute epitome of what I love about the theater. If you EVER have the opportunity go see The Rock and The Rabbi…you won’t regret it!

Travel with me there now…after a delightful dinner at the new Interurban Restaurant in town, we drove, without hurry, the LONG way (not on the highway but surface roads with actual sites), arriving downtown almost forty minutes early. We found a ‘good’ parking place and strolled around the landscaped perimeter of the Civic Center debating whether we wanted a cup of coffee to deter the day’s exhaustion factor.

We eventually found our way indoors to view the various upcoming show posters, do some necessary people watching, and use the facilities prior to the intermission-less show. We eventually made our way up the three levels to the Mezzanine and while it is very high UP…we were in the second row, center, thus providing a wonderful view of the stage and entire theater. We got the theater glasses (binoculars to sports fans) into focus and my husband even exclaimed he could read some man’s program on the third row. I told him to quit eavesdropping…and to share the dang binoculars!

The show began promptly at 7:30 p.m. and that is when the magic began. It’s like traveling to another place and time and becoming a part of the program. The most wonderfully gifted “Storyteller”, Gary Richardson, who also wrote the script, began without ado. It was as though he was speaking to each of us individually. His voice resonated to the upper balconies and he told his story. He was the older Simon Peter.

The story starts when the “Rabbi” meets the “Rock” and calls him to ‘follow me’. It goes through the death and resurrection of Christ and the scene depicting that moment was breathtaking in its minimalism.

The music was all incredible. I don’t even have words adequate to express the emotions it evoked. Suffice to say we bought the CD and I have already listened to part of it this morning on the commute. The most poignant scene and song, is when the Rabbi asks the men; ‘who do people say I am?’ and following their responses he asks Peter, ‘who do YOU say I am?’

I didn’t even share with my husband what happened to me at this moment but God spoke to me. He asked me what I would say in response. He asked me: “Who do you say I am, Kim?”

I’m still thinking about it this morning as I write this…and I’ve got to say I’m not sure I ever fully capture WHO HE IS in words outside my heart. If someone were to ask me: “Who is Jesus?” This is what I think I would say:

Jesus is first and foremost Christ my Savior. He is the Son of God. He is the Son of Man. He is the only worthy sacrifice and He has redeemed me and cleansed me. He is my Lord. He is the Alpha and Omega. He is the very core of my heart. He is my one way to God.

What would you say? Who is this Rabbi? Who is Jesus?

Eight Years Ago Tonight...

...I was enjoying the company of almost all of our family. I lived in Albuquerque at the time and our back yard, on this evening, was transformed from a dusty desert mesa to a beautiful, candlelit garden oasis.

We had spent hours making tamales and chocolate dipped strawberry’s along with carne’ adovada, guacamole’, and all the local flavors. We had strung lights throughout the back yard and decorated with tiny candles hanging from the porch and on all the tables. It was absolutely stunning. Sadly, I can’t lay my hands on any of the pictures.

Most all the women were in the kitchen making last minute adjustments for this occasion. My best friend from college was trimming sparse grass with SCISSORS. It’s the desert, mowing is rarely necessary. My best friend is a bit OCD when it comes to perfect environment and I love him for it! Paul and I also had a friend in town, from my years in Baltimore. All my immediate family was present and all Paul’s immediate family was with us as well. We even had some extended family in town for this evening.

This was our rehearsal dinner. We were preparing to enter into marriage and I’m happy to say the very best years of my life.

My favorite memory of our wedding was our rehearsal dinner…because I remember it. I barely remember the actual ceremony. I know my brother (who performed the ceremony) spoke about Adam and Eve and the first ‘marriage’ and he cried and I was very touched and moved and so very hot! I remember bits and pieces from the overwhelming reception that had grown from my ideal small wedding of 70 to about 150-175 people. My husband has a LARGE family.

But the rehearsal dinner was this low key event where I could spend time with people and actually visit before the rush of activity the following day. I was able to give my sister a very special ‘scrapbook/journal’ of our journey to this day and we cried together reading through the book. I was able to visit with each person there at length, something I was unable to do at the reception. I didn’t have to pose for pics or smile for an audience. I could just sit back, enjoy the music and ambience and visit.

My husband and his ‘crew’ left a bit early to go out for an evening of fun and frolic and I had opted out of the “girls’ night out” festivities choosing instead to visit with these dear friends and family of ours. We stayed outside til late in the night and while I still didn’t sleep a wink all night, it was a magical, wonderful evening.

Tomorrow I celebrate eight years of wedded bliss with my wonderful husband Paul. He has taken the evening off and we are going to see a new musical “The Rock and the Rabbi”. I had mentioned it to my husband in passing some time ago and he purchased tickets for our anniversary evening. I was floored! I figured we’d squeeze in dinner and a movie on the weekend before or after….oh no…my wonderful husband is missing work and school to take me to a musical (not his favorite thing to do in the world).

I can’t imagine being any more happy and IN LOVE than I am at this moment and yet I know beyond a shadow of a doubt our journey is nowhere near over. Our love will grow and I look forward to each and every day…til’ death do us part…

Happy Anniversary Honey! You are the very best of me!

Un-Evangelical Interactions

I admit it. I follow the links of my favorite "reads" to find more favorite reads. I'm assuming most of us do it. It's like being impressed upon to buy a product because someone we know and TRUST uses it.

So recently, I was clicking through the blogdom as I followed one of my favorite reads and I ran across a blog and I started reading a few of her posts. While our political and religious beliefs are at complete opposites, her writing is gifted and poignant. She proclaims her beliefs openly, without apology and usually without attack. I have only commented on her site once but I lurk there regularly. Mostly because what she says sparks conversation and sometimes debate. What she lacks in Biblical wisdom, she makes up for in seeking and searching for truth and discernment.

I know at this point many would argue that you cannot have discernment without Biblical wisdom, but note I did not state BIBLICAL DISCERNMENT. She is one of those souls who will find God because all TRUTH seeking leads to Him. She may still reject what she sees and finds, but He will be there, at every turn, meeting her stance, facing her theories and tearing down the wall she has built around her empire.

Recently she shared about an interaction with a “Christian” who was using her ‘title’ in a financial pursuit via email. While I’m not a HUGE advocate of separation of church and state (after all state wouldn’t be here without church), I am sickened by any politicians using their Christianity as a launching pad or position defense in their politics and I abhor this tactic in political fundraising. My feeling is your life should speak who you are and what you believe.

The woman I write of notified the “Christian” that she did not share her beliefs and would appreciate being removed from automatic emails that were religious in nature. She received a harsh reply and cold personal interactions since the confrontation. The resulting comments on this post were less diplomatic and I pray they serve as a reminder to us.

Here is an excerpt:
“J” said...
“I think you handled this issue very politely and sensitively. This woman's attitude is patently un-Christian (and I am not a Christian, but I was partially raised as one, and I have studied the Bible, so I do know of what I speak). Her bad attitude does not stem from her so-called Christianity. Rather, her religion is a mask she employs to hide an ugly personality, and her self-righteousness, a crutch for a fragile, overblown ego.

I have, unfortunately, met several individuals like this woman-- shallow, selfish people who use religion to justify their conviction that they are better than everyone else and therefore somehow more deserving of attention or good fortune. People who use religion as an excuse to alienate and belittle anyone they deem to be too "different" from themselves, because that is easier for them than attempting to step outside of their own concerns long enough to try to understand the perspective of another human being.”

Then “W” said...
“It's people like this that make me think of that saying some Christians use (usually about h@mo$exuality- and it really annoys me), "Hate the sin not the sinner"-- well here's what I have to keep telling myself when I run into these types (and it is da*n hard to remember) ‘hate the Christian, not the religion’!”

So as I’m reflecting about my own daily interactions with people and thinking there just may be truth in the statement: “You may be the only Christ this person ever sees.” I am going to T.R.Y. to remember my own experiences as a young Christian and comments like these that are the things people remember when they are excusing themselves from any possible interaction or connection with “CHRISTIANS”. Hopefully I’ll remember these things while driving or worse yet at the Big “W”!

I’m still not fully convinced demons don’t lurk the doors at Wally World waiting to capture the mind and MOUTH of some of us as we enter the labyrinth. But that’s another post…

By the way, I was originally going to post the Friday Feast, but decided against it...but the very first question is: What was the very last song you listened to? and in PERFECT God-Timing...and in light of my own vision issues, I heard "Open the Eyes of My Heart Lord" this morning as I was driving to work and of course that was the last song I heard on the way in the door, thus the song on my mind, heart and lips this morning.

Have a day worth remembering!

Four-Eyes For Life!

Some of us struggle with nearsightedness, some with farsightedness. Some of us, as we engage in the aging process, experience what is termed Presbyopia (aka: old eyes), ‘losing our ability to focus sharply on objects that are close’. I struggle with an additional type of vision impairment.

I struggle sometimes to see beyond myself.

Did I just say that out loud?

No! Oh good.

It’s somehow less powerful in print than spoken aloud.

As I was sitting in the break room yesterday trying to read a book that is just not capturing me and as I daydreamed and turned pages I realized, in my literary absence, I was mentally reading my own story. It wasn’t pretty.

You see (no pun intended)…God put a pair of glasses on me today. They’re not new…as a matter of fact I’ve had them on several times this year already. Apparently I keep forgetting about this impairment, but lucky me, God never forgets.

These glasses enable me to see myself through His eyes. It wasn’t all bad! I saw the passion I have to encourage others. I saw my love of art. I saw my desire for a deeper relationship with God. I saw how blessed I am with a husband that always puts me before himself. I saw the family and friends God has blessed me with. I saw the richness of my life in material things and more importantly richness in love and freedom, all provided by God.

Then I saw something that took awhile to focus on because it was too close and I, being in my EARLY 40’s, am still in denial about those funky little half-glasses my mother keeps trying to push my way by calling ‘magnifiers’. When the UP CLOSE me came into focus in stunned me. It probably shouldn’t have and it may not surprise any of you…but God showed me the thing that is closest to my line of site before any of my passions or blessings or love or freedom is…ME! Me, myself and I…we are so ‘in my face’ so to speak, that I have to look THROUGH myself to see the rest of the picture.

It can’t be! It just can’t be! I am spiritually visually impaired! That’s when I heard the increasing vibration of the singsong melody that goes: Me, me, me, me, it’s all about me!

I had heard of others struggling from this ‘selfishness’ but not MOI! I am the one that only thinks of others. I am the one that hears you when you speak. I am the one that seeks YOU in all my ways! I am a child after your own heart, Lord!

The Lord showed me through whose eyes I saw infertility, and professional fulfillment and success and financial provision and all things “KIM”, even my own call to ministry. My vision was being impaired by my own will.

I tried to rub the vision from my line of site, but it was there. Sure it got blurry again for a moment, but the longer I sat there the more clear it became. I have taken my eyes off the Creator and put them firmly on myself. Everything I see is clouded first by the filter of ME! This is NOT a good place to be.

A LONG, LONG time ago (I think I even mentioned it here), probably before I had anyone reading this, I asked my husband if he thought I was selfish. Remember that conversation?

He said: “On some level, all people are selfish.” And if you know my husband at all, he wasn’t being cutting, just completely honest. Anything my husband says…is truth as he knows it, or it won’t be uttered.

It wasn’t the answer I wanted and in these question/answer games I’m looking for a specific answer (my husband needs a bit more training on this game’s rules)…so I waved it off because I KNEW beyond a shadow of a doubt I was NOT selfish. At least not compared to……

Like I’m going to go down that route…you’re just trying to trap me!

It dawned on me I never “CLEP-ed” out of this test. The God first, others next…me last…test. God has brought the ‘dummies’ version of this ME ME ME test because I’m too blinded by myself to see it otherwise. This ‘dummies’ test even has it’s own pair of carnival glasses. I’ll tell you right now…if it means I’ll be four-eyed for life, I’ll wear them every single day until that cloudy interference is gone…and I can clearly see the world; myself included, through God’s eyes.

Here’s hoping you have a VISUALLY UNIMPAIRED Thursday!